


sticks and stones may break my bones (your love will never hurt me)

by unclip (pixelz)



Category: EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), f(x)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-09-12 13:52:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16874076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixelz/pseuds/unclip
Summary: Joohyun is a rowdy high school girl who's one of the boys. Seulgi is a school athlete with a girlfriend.





	1. Nothing a bandage strip couldn't fix

**Author's Note:**

> story starts in the middle of things, so basic backstory of characters get told in bits as the story progresses and not in the usual, chronological introductory way  
> i'm self-conscious about this fic but i really enjoy writing young and *wild* characters  
> beware of the use of strong language, mild physical violence, and mature content

 

A dented and empty soda can rattles against the pavement as it misses its target. Gasping for air, Joohyun bends her knees and rests her hands on them, feeling the rising and falling of her chest. Beads of sweat run down her forehead and down her body, so profuse in amount that her flimsy garment of a uniform top is drenched. The target has successfully dodged her, making his way back into his lair. She forces a scream but all that comes out is an undignified squeak. The onlookers spare her a glance and nothing more, as if the spectacle before them isn’t atypical.

Someone thought it was wise to test her patience. Junmyeon ran his mouth again, and he ended up running for his life. Nobody taunts Joohyun after she loses in a heated game of darts.

Nobody.

“Scumbag,” she mutters under her breath. She could’ve had let it go, but losing a game already irks her. The audacity to rub her defeat to her face? Not a chance. “I’m going to get you.”

After her erratic breathing subsides, she lazily walks towards the cafeteria, dragging her worn out shoes against the rough pavement. Her body sweltering under the heat, and her face warm and licked with sweat. She traverses an edge of the soccer field while on her way to her destination, and watches varsity players running around, light on their feet. The soccer ball moves forward, backwards, then into the air. It bounces on cleats, on knees, on heads, on backs… all done in quick motion.

“Hey!” a voice shouts.

Joohyun stops in her tracks.

“You! Yes, you,” the voice verifies firmly.

Joohyun turns around to see Krystal with her arms crossed. The latter kicks the crumpled soda can towards her spitefully. This is enough to tick Joohyun off.

“Pick it up. Stop littering the premises,” Krystal says with authority.

 _Oh, of course_ , Joohyun thinks. Leader of the cheerleading team and the muse of their class, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous, everyone is wrapped around Krystal’s finger, hence her unwavering confidence. She can say anything and anyone would just submit to her whims. But not Joohyun.

Joohyun submits to no one.

“Pick it up then, if you care that much,” Joohyun scoffed. _This bitch._

“What did you say?” Krystal asks, annoyed. She starts approaching Joohyun in quick strides.

This doesn’t faze Joohyun one bit. “I said pick it up yourself if you care that much,” she repeats. Is she trying to pick a fight in the middle of the campus today? Maybe. At the least, she can effectively channel her unspent anger on someone else.

“Stop acting like a loser,” Krystal spat. She has always hated Joohyun’s guts. She thinks that Joohyun, more often than not, thinks that she is always in the right and would be up in arms if anybody criticized her actions. She always wants to win. How else can she hurt her pride but to hit it right where it hurts?

 _A loser?_ Joohyun snorts. “Don’t test my patience.”

Joohyun starts to walk the other way, spoiling any chance of further squabble. To her surprise, there’s a tug at her ponytail and it almost sends her to the ground. Luckily, unlike her upper body, her legs were able to hold her in place—strengthened from all the chasing she does when her friends tease her.

“You—” Joohyun pounces on Krystal, her arms reaching for the latter’s hair. Instinctively, Krystal blocks Joohyun’s arms with hers and for a few seconds they’re pushing against each other.

The students, after enjoying a thirty-minute recess, are now scuttling back their classrooms as the bell rings and couldn’t give a damn about the two. Joohyun has always been involved in skirmish with her friends, none of it leading to anything serious. They assume the situation to be the same.

Except it isn’t.

Then, Krystal, with a body more fit and stronger due to cheerleading, shoves Joohyun down the ground. Joohyun feels the air get caught in her throat after her back takes a hit. Krystal follows this by sitting on top of the other. Joohyun gulps for air and her defenses weaken for a second, enabling one of Krystal’s hand to grip her hair.

“Ow!” Joohyun yells at the tug of her scalp. She then clutches on the assaulting hand, trying with all her might to unfold Krystal’s fist. She manages to remove it away from her head, but Krystal reaches for it again. While Joohyun struggles to block it, Krystal’s fingernail accidentally scratches her cheek.

“Fuck!” Joohyun cusses, loud and clear. She moves her arms to a comfortable position and is ready to roll the other girl under when someone hauls Krystal away from her.

“Quit it,” the voice says.

Krystal angrily shrugs her shoulder away from the person’s grasp. “Tell it to her,” she says as she walks away.

Joohyun, still lying supine on the ground, suddenly sees a head hover above her. The person offers a hand and she limply sits up. The other person kneels in one leg in front of her, studying her face.

The other person is a girl.

Seulgi Kang. The high school’s soccer team captain. No one from their class doesn’t know her. She’s decked out in blue and red jersey #11 with a bag slung in one shoulder. Joohyun has been in this school for two years, and yet this is the first time she’s actually interacted with her. They’ve never been in the same section. The school doesn’t have a star section, and everyone is just shuffled randomly into the three sections every year.

Seulgi carresses the scratch on her cheek. The sudden gesture makes Joohyun flinch and she impulsively swats the hand away.

“Sorry,” Seulgi yields.

This startles Joohyun. She isn’t used to someone apologizing whenever she does something close to being rude, whether or not her action is justified. Instead, she expects them to insult her back.

“N-No. It hurts, that’s all,” Joohyun explains. She drops her gaze in guilt and feigns dusting off her skirt. “Besides, shouldn’t you be following your girlfriend?”

Seulgi chuckles. “She’s irritated, I’m sure she needs space,” then pauses to consider, “Why did you even pick a fight with Krystal? Do you have a death wish?”

“I don’t know. I guess I do,” Joohyun replies with a hint of a grin.

Seulgi quickly zips her backpack open and fishes out a tumbler. “Do you want some?” She unscrews the cover and hands the container to Joohyun.

Joohyun pushes it back to Seulgi. “No, thanks.”

The both of them stand up to leave the spot. Joohyun doesn’t know how long she’s been under the sun, but she doesn’t mind. The harsh sunlight hurts less than the fatigue her body is experiencing.

Blindly searching inside her backpack, Seulgi pulls out a pack of bandage strips. She takes out one yellow strip, then drops it inside the breast pocket of Joohyun’s uniform.

“I’m late for my practice, so I’ve got to go. See ya around the campus,” Seulgi says coolly as she touches Joohyun lightly on her shoulder before she runs off to the open field. Joohyun is left dumbfounded, and colour is rising in her cheeks.

She goes to her class worn out, slathered in grime, and smelling like a pool of sweat.

 

 

 

Krystal sidles up to Seulgi, whose eyes are fixated on the laptop screen. She has sneaked inside Seulgi’s room again after the dormitory manager has gone with the room inspection. Room hopping is a violation but the unspoken rule of dormers in this school is that they can break rules as long as they don’t get caught. Anybody who tells on anyone is a wuss and would suffer the cold treatment from the rest.

The couple are watching a Fincher film, sharing earplugs to avoid disturbing Seulgi’s roommate on the top bunk. Joy is quietly studying for her exam tomorrow, her nose buried on a thick Biology textbook. She doesn’t mind the couple as long as she can read in peace.

Suddenly Krystal nuzzles against Seulgi’s neck and breathes in the floral scent of the shampoo the latter used to wash her hair. It was a long day of practice, and a shower is necessary before she goes to bed. Seulgi doesn’t budge and just keeps her gaze on the laptop. Her girlfriend is clearly being needy again, and she’s just too tuckered out to deal with it.

Unrelenting, Krystal then places a hand on her girlfriend’s midriff and whispers in her ear, “I’m horny.”

“I can hear it,” Joy announces, rolling her eyes. “You better keep your hands to yourselves or I’m evicting the both of you out of this room.”

“Just pretend you didn’t hear anything. And don’t worry, looks like someone isn’t in the mood anyway,” Krystal replies, annoyed more than she lets on. Still, it doesn’t stop her and just intensifies her neediness so she just wraps her arms around Seulgi and rests her head on the latter’s shoulder.

“I’m tired, Krystal,” Seulgi finally speaks out. “Also, are you not tired as well? You just picked a fight earlier.”

“That bitch just threw her trash on the school grounds and got heated when I told her to pick it up. She really acts like those rude guys in our class, I can’t stand her.”

Joy, taking advantage of the fact that the couple can’t see her, makes faces while Krystal whined. She’s one of those people who aren’t bewitched by Krystal’s charm. Not when she’s been roommates with Seulgi since last year (11th grade) when the two started dating by the second half of the school year, and Joy pretty much knows how she’s like. At times she felt bad for Seulgi when she couldn’t meet Krystal’s demands and they’d have to fight even over something petty.

Seulgi sighs. “Still, you shouldn’t have gotten yourself into a catfight. It wouldn’t have been nice if you came out bruised or wounded.”

Seulgi is worried about her, and this is all the validation Krystal needs. Her girlfriend is just so hot. So hot. This arouses Krystal even further, to her frustration. If only Joy wasn’t around. She then pulls Seulgi’s face and gives her a deep, moist kiss. She decides it’s enough to appease her.

“I think I’m gonna go back to my room now. Rest well, babe,” Krystal suggests.

Joy almost wants to gag.

 

 

 

Joohyun rubs an ointment on the wound in her cheek. It stings but it was nothing compared to the bruises and abrasion she got on her arms. She feels like she has been beaten to pulp. Earlier in the last period of classes everyone stared at her, as if she got rice stuck on her nose. The teacher marked her late but wasn’t the least bit bothered by how disheveled she looked.

Wendy, who just came from the school’s orchestra rehearsal, is shocked at her roommate’s appearance. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing. I beat the heck out of Junmyeon again,” she says wryly. It sounds less intriguing than admitting she got clawed by Krystal. Wendy doesn’t warrant an explanation for every single thing that happens to her, anyway.

Wendy could only gasp. “Really? Your little fights with your friends are getting worse. Did he tease you that bad again?” She isn’t exactly friends with Joohyun. In fact, they just started interacting when they became roommates this school year. Nevertheless, the whole class isn’t blind to Joohyun’s clique who loves to play games and get worked up at each other.

“It’s nothing really serious. You don’t have to worry,” Joohyun assures Wendy despite how unconvincing it is since her appearance doesn’t reflect it.

Wendy meekly nods, to indicate that she understands. She then goes to her desk, drops her bag on the floor beside the chair, and opens up her notes to study. Joohyun wishes she could be as diligent, but studying was beneath her. She just reviews the night before the exam and hopes she has enough ammunition to answer during the test.

Joohyun plops herself down the bed, finding its softness comforting. She reaches for her sling bag which was sprawled at the foot of the bed, and pulls out her black leather wallet. Flipped open, she stares at the Pikachu bandage tucked in the clear compartment, which is covering her passport photo. She’s deciding whether to put it on or not.

She stares at it until she falls asleep.

 

 

 

Chanyeol puts a cigarette between his mouth, going for his regular nicotine fix. He flicks the lighter which is directed at the end of the stick but to no avail. He inspects it and finds it has run out of fluid.

“This is bonkers,” he complains, chucking both the stick and the lighter back into his pocket. He woke up a little early today, climbed and perched on his favorite sycamore tree located behind the school building, and smoke before the class starts. There’s only a few people in the campus yet, but he can’t risk getting caught, and his spot on the tree conceals him from anyone, unless they peer above directly underneath the tree.

He decides it’s better he descend since he can’t smoke. But before he gets the chance to do so, he hears footsteps shuffling on the grassy ground. He looks down and sees two people sucking their faces off.

 _You’ve got to be fucking kidding me_ , he thinks. _It’s a little over half past six in the morning and yet people can’t control their libido already._

He can’t discern their faces as the girl’s face is completely hidden from view by the guy in front of her. Their kiss is wet and moist, and the smacking sound is loud enough to be audible two feet high away.

Chanyeol would rather be stuck somewhere else than listen to people make out but he doesn’t know if it would be wise to disrupt them. He sighs, and resigns to his position. Then he suddenly hears them break their kiss.

“Do we really have to do this? Is your conscience not eating you up? You have the option to break up with her, you know,” the guy says.

“But Kai…” the girl's voice trails off.

To this, Chanyeol’s ears suddenly perk up. _Kai?_ he thinks, surprised. _The captain of the school's baseball team?_ He doesn’t have a girlfriend as far as he knows, but a popular guy like him fooling around with someone is no surprise to him.

The girl continues. “How many times do I have to tell you? I have no reason to. I love my girlfriend as well, you know. But I also like your warmth that she couldn’t give me sometimes…”

 _The girl has a girlfriend?_ Chanyeol cups a hand over his mouth to muffle his gasp. _What is this am I witnessing…_

The guys heaves a sigh, as if in frustration. “You know the reason why I’m doing this, why I am able to do this. But we can’t go on like this, Krystal.”

 _Eh??!?!_ Chanyeol wants to scream. _They’ve got to be kidding!_ He knows that Krystal is dating the captain of the soccer team, Seulgi Kang. It was too good to be true to be witnessing this. He pinches his cheek to confirm that he’s not dreaming. The pain signals his brain that it’s all indeed real.

 _Poor girl_ , he ponders. _But hey, there’s a silver lining in this_.

It’s an information he can offer for an exchange.

 

 


	2. Mistakenly caught red handed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's three different groups of people, and Joohyun bumps into Seulgi once again.

 

It’s peculiarly hushed when Joohyun Bae sits at the table during lunch. Across her is Junmyeon Kim, who only takes a glimpse of her, and decides not to ask about the scratch in her cheek knowing how pissed she was at him yesterday. He knows she particularly gets pressed when she gets into a scuffle and doesn’t leave it unscathed. Beside him sits Chanyeol Park, waiting with bated breath for her to speak up, noticing the gauze bandage on her left forearm and a few bruises dappled on her arms. He’s too afraid to ask her whatever the hell happened.

Joohyun slams a hand on the table. Junmyeon jumps in surprise, almost throwing away his spoon, while Chanyeol dramatically puts a hand over his chest as if he got a mini heart attack. “What are you both so silent for?”

Junmyeon sips his soup, his spoon trembling. Chanyeol pulls out a tissue paper from the holder placed in the middle of the table and wipes the small puddle of coke that spilled from his glass (the cafeteria only does refills from a dispenser). Joohyun watches them, impatient and uncomprehending of their sudden tact, when their raucous laughters and voices usually fill their circle.

Junmyeon finally decides to break his silence and speaks over Chanyeol who was about to open his mouth. “H-How did you get a cut on your cheek?”

Not missing a beat, she answers, “Krystal got a stick up her arse” and scowls. Both boys gape at her. “Don’t give me that look, Junmyeon. It’s irritating.” Junmyeon shrinks in his seat. Her bones and muscles are aching due to the brawl yesterday, and she partly blames him for it. She nursed her own wounds instead of heading to the clinic for fear that the fight might get blown out of proportion and earn her a disciplinary case.

“You... fought... Krystal?” Chanyeol asks. It’s a string of words he never thought would be possible to say.

Joohyun nods, eyes downcast, indicating that she's not proud of it, but with her ruffian ways, the two boys did not read it that way. It was high time the two girls clashed. The friction has long since started during the 10th grade, when Krystal complained about how noisy their group were when they gathered in the corridor during breaks. Sixteen-year-old Joohyun mocked her when she left, prompting the boys to laugh.

The following week, the principal prohibited anybody from loitering in the corridors. Later they found out that Krystal sent a formal complaint, and the authorities concerned secretly observed Joohyun’s group before coming up with the decision. Backed with a guy who has connections, Sehun Oh - the school director’s son, and one of Krystal’s closest friends - they’ve successfully rid of them.

“Where’s Baekhyun and Tao?” asks Joohyun, diverting attention away from her.

Junmyeon simply answers, “Cramming their papers.” To which Joohyun just shrugs, knowing her friends aren’t exactly the most responsible students.

Just then, Chanyeol’s eyes dart towards the cafeteria’s entrance. Seulgi leads the infamous bunch, pulling Krystal Jung close and dragging her to an unoccupied table. Jinri Choi sluggishly tails along, with Sehun and Kai Kim lagging behind.

“Look at him, drooling over Jinri again,” Joohyun teases, before she takes in a mouthful of warm, spicy ricecake.

It was 11th grade when Jinri and Chanyeol became partners for a project in Chemistry, where he could marvel up close at her blindingly bright smile and peachy cheeks that has had him arrested since. Too bad, he couldn’t make a move then since she was tied to the heartthrob, Lucas Wong. They’ve broken up since, but she’s never been the same.

Chanyeol hisses. While it’s true that gaping at Jinri is his favorite pastime, it’s Krystal and Kai’s nonchalance that drives him up the wall. He’s not directly involved, but it makes him sick seeing them play it up, when Seulgi - though he hardly cares for the girl - has been nothing short of a reliable person.

“C’mon, be patient,” Junmyeon chimes in, talking about a whole different topic, misinterpreting Chanyeol’s exasperation. “I’m pretty sure you’ll get your turn, if you try hard enough.” He lightly pats Chanyeol on the back, which renders the boy confused.

“What, what, what?” Joohyun sputters, eyes wide and attentive, eager to be clued in.

“Rumors say that there’s only two types of guys in this school: those who have slept with Jinri and those who haven’t,” Junmyeon told them, drumming his fingers on the table. His friends, with their creased brows and mouths slightly open, are apparently unenthused so he defends, “Not that I’m slut-shaming, though. I’m just saying. And of course, I’m not interested.”

It’s not that Chanyeol likes Jinri being talked about that way, but he knows Junmyeon is just poking fun at him. “Don’t worry, scumbag. If I do end up sleeping with her, I’ll shave my head so that you’ll know.” His tone sounded threatening, which was unintended, but he surmised his irritation just organically showed.

Joohyun giggles, and Junmyeon just gulps in unease.

 

 

 

 

On Wednesdays, the later half of the afternoon is alloted for students to do recreational activities. The school has mandated this in order for them explore and expand their interests and socials, not to mention it’s a respite provided in the middle of the week. It’s particular for the members in school clubs to bond more, although it is not limited to that. Varsity students can also opt to practice, so that they can leave the school premises earlier than usual for at least one school day.

At the Tea Party Club, they’re brewing rosemary tea. The former pantry, which is still adjoined to the cafeteria, became the club’s room **—** a small and nifty space enough for its meager amount of members. Joy Park is sitting in one of the chairs, her hands on  Rosé Park’s long, auburn hair, deftly twisting it into a French braid. Sana Minatozaki, a 12th grader with twinkling eyes and a prominent teeth overbite (though it just adds to her charm) lays out the cutlery on the table. Wendy Son walks in with a tray of red velvet muffins that she purchased from the cafeteria (with the club’s funds) and places it in the center of the table on a rectangular, grey placemat.

“Looks like it’s just going to be the four of us today,” Joy remarks as she ties up Rosé’s hair with a sequined scrunchie. Although the club has not designated leaders or officers **—** to maintain it’s purpose of a club that’s just there to eat (and try out various teas), hang out, and build a camaraderie without hierarchy in responsibility among members **—** Joy has became the head honcho of the group. One of the top performers in class, managing editor of the school paper, and with a gorgeous face and physique to boot, she is a well-put student who has her priorities straight. Despite this, she keeps a low profile. Her confidence and intelligence are enough to make her stand out in most groupings she gets to be in.

Rosé fishes out a compact mirror from her skirt pocket, and while inspecting her hairdo answers, “Let’s hoard the muffins to ourselves then.”

Sana, who’s busy pouring the teapot’s contents into the porcelain cups, beams. “Can I set aside two muffins for Momo?”

“Of course, it’s for _everyone_ ,” Wendy informs, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose with the heel of her hand. They can share their snacks to anyone who wants until the supplies run out. She even wishes she could bake pastries for her classmates, but living in the dormitory limits her, and the orchestra rehearsal is eating up the bulk of her time.

“Uhm, hello,” a timid voice greets, aware that it’s interrupting the girls. The four of them look up like meerkats, and finds Seulgi leaning against the door frame. She’s decked out in a white jersey shirt, which accentuates her tan. She’s going to another soccer practice. The school district sports meet is a month away.

Joy quizzes, “What brings you here?”

“Well, I thought I’d find Jisoo here.” She rests her hand on the brass knob, listlessly turning it back and forth that it makes clunky sounds. Rosé grits her teeth.

“She’s probably with Jennie,” Joy monotones. “Why?”

Seulgi licks her lips and flashes her a coy glance. “Nothing. Just tell her I dropped by.”

Before Seulgi can turn to leave, Sana rushes to her, holding up two muffins carefully packed in a brown paper bag. “Are you going to the dance club? Can you please give these to Momo?” She says it adorably cute that anyone could impossibly deny her request. “I just don’t think I can walk all the way there today. I have to go to the library and do some research after this.”

“Well, sure,” Seulgi says as she takes the package from Sana, and immediately shoves it inside her backpack. She’s going to pass by the dance club’s room as she heads to the field anyway. She knows it will leave a smile on Momo's face.

Mustering up her courage for minutes now, Wendy calls for Seulgi’s attention. “Y-you can have some too,” she stammers as she saunters towards the door to offer Seulgi a single red velvet muffin. Her hand is clammy and shaking, despite trying to calm her jitters down.

This doesn’t escape Seulgi’s notice, so she holds Wendy’s hand to steady it and with the other picks the muffin out of the slightly trembling hand. From being nervously cold, Wendy’s body temperature drastically becomes warm. Seulgi thanks her, then finally gets the chance to leave with no more interruptions.

“Gosh, isn’t she hot?” Rosé opined. She barely mingles with the star athlete so in the rare times she sees Seulgi up close, she’s never found her any less  _hot._ “A really nice gal too. Krystal is one lucky bitch.” Sana nods giddily, agreeing with her.

Joy doesn’t comment, and spares a glance at Wendy, who’s silently ducking her head while she pulls a chair and sits. She notices the bright, pinkish glow in Wendy’s cheeks.

 

 

 

 

Three steps high in the bleachers, Jinri watches the soccer team run about the field. Beside her are Krystal and Kai, quietly fixated in the practice game too. If she had to be honest, she’s bored and would rather wile her time away writing articles for the school paper. She clings to her friends, despite having noticed how they’ve been gradually distancing from her, or is it vice versa? For one, since Seulgi joined their clique through Krystal, she has spent less time with the cheerleader. To add, Sehun and Kai are best friends, and she has nothing much in common with them, so with the new dynamics in her circle of friends, she feels like the detachable part of it.

It’s not like she can stand seeing Lucas dribbling the soccer ball in the field either. His stupid tousled hair, stupid chiseled jaw, stupid beautiful grin—she hates every fiber of his being. She hates having fallen for it. So whatwas she doing slouching here, feigning interest in sports?

But it’s not as if she can slink away from the peer pressure; they do this to support Seulgi and Sehun. Where else would she even go without her friends? She knows there’s one reason that her other classmates tiptoe around her  _and_  gravitate towards her: she sleeps around. Since Lucas took her virginity (a social construct, she deems) and got dumped after that, she reveled in promiscuity. Not that she minds the whispers behind her back; she learned that nobody genuinely cares for her unless she spreads her legs.

“Are you guys going to finish watching the game today?” Jinri asks, flipping her hair to the side. They’ve sat for more than an hour now, when they usually would depart in lesser. To be fair, the day’s windy and tepid so it’s relaxing.

“Uhm, no,” replies Krystal. “I told them Kai and I are gonna work on our report for History tonight at his house. It’s due this Friday.” The gym is being utilised by the basketball team for the rest of this week, so the cheer squad are off from practices. “It’s better to leave early, so that I can go back to the dorm before curfew.”

Jinri’s eyes follow Seulgi running across the field, with several other players chasing behind, then passing the ball to Moonbyul who attempts to strike a goal. Unfortunately, the goalkeeper blocks her chance. “Alright, maybe I should scat.” She has no post-practice plans with Sehun or Seulgi anyway.

“Really?” Krystal finds it odd that Jinri leaves on her own accord, when she sticks around until everyone decides to part.

Jinri stands up and slings her brown satchel over her shoulder. She regards the two with an impassive stare. “I’m going out tonight. I need to rest and prepare so I gotta go.”

Krystal is aware of what ‘going out tonight’ means. It means lounging at shoddy nightclubs and drinking till she passes out. She couldn’t understand why Jinri has become this way since the end of last school year (it’s most probably because of Lucas, but Jinri is tight-lipped) but she knows that the way she wants to live her life is none of her business. She watches the girl descend and skip over the steps.

 

 

 

 

The night sky is cobalt veiled in grey.

On calm evenings, Seulgi gawks at the overwhelming beauty of the sky as she ambles back to the dormitory after a hard day of soccer practice. It’s tough juggling both curricular activities and academics, that days often meld into one another, but sprinting across the playing field makes her feel alive, and dancing (although she’s been getting sardonic, sidelong glances for missing out so much club hours) makes things fall in place.

Her cleats clump against the tiled floor upon reaching the dormitory lounge, where a few dormers are on the provided sofa set, riveted by the evening news. Beyond is the narrow corridor for the first floor rooms, and also where Jisoo’s room is located. Krystal had to go at Kai’s tonight to work on their History report, so after visiting her friend she’s just going to sleep. She paces the corridor, and tries not to bump a girl who’s just gone out from the common bathroom.

She knocks at the door of Jisoo’s room, but there’s no response. She looks to the left and to the right, and seeing that the coast is clear, she turns the knob and luckily, it is unlocked. Poking her head inside, she finds no one, but the flourescent light is turned on. They probably went out to eat dinner. She goes inside and quietly closes the door. It’s a little cold due to the weather almost turning to fall, and the screened windows are wide open, the wind hardly blocked by the thin fabric of the curtains.

Unable to find Jisoo earlier, she texted her, asking if she could borrow a PE t-shirt (Jisoo has two) since she hasn’t picked up her laundry. Jisoo replied that she can ask her again at the dorm, but if she’s not around, she can just rummage through her closet.

In each room, there is a bunk bed, two desks and chairs, and two fitted closets for two students. Seulgi arbitrarily opens the closet near the door. She sees a plethora of blouses hung, together with neatly pressed school uniforms, in the largest compartment. There’s no folded clothes at the bottom, only a medical kit with ‘Jennie’ written in big bold letters with a felt pen and random things chucked in like biscuits, unused hangers, and shoeboxes. She then proceeds to check the adjacent closet, certain that it’s Jisoo’s. She also found none of the shirt in the largest compartment, so she pulls out the drawers. There she sees some folded tees, and underwears organized at the side.

Engrossed in searching for the t-shirt, Seulgi doesn’t hear someone come in.

“What are you doing, snooping around?” a voice asks, accusatory.

Stunned, Seulgi jerks her head towards the source of the voice. It’s Joohyun Bae, small but domineering. Before Seulgi can utter a syllable, Joohyun approaches her and sees that she’s opened a drawer where the brassiers and knickers are. Joohyun’s face instantly goes red, and yells, “Pervert!”

The panicked athlete immediately stands up and clutches Joohyun’s right arm while she puts her other hand over the latter’s mouth. “Shh!” Seulgi shushes the other, whose screams are muffled in her hands, and is trying to take off the hand on her mouth with her left one, but to no avail. She backs Joohyun against the wall beside the door, and lets go of her arm to lock the door knob. She grips back Joohyun’s right arm as soon as it clicks shut.

“Hey, I’m not a pervert,” Seulgi calmly tells the girl, looking straight into her eyes.

Joohyun just shrieks into her hand.

“No, don’t cause a fuss, alright. Or the dorm manager is going to discover us room hopping.”

Joohyun falls silent. She hears Seulgi breathing heavily, probably nervous for the commotion she caused. 

“I’m going to uncover your mouth. Don’t be loud, okay?”

Joohyun nods slowly.

But as soon as Seulgi removes her hand, Joohyun stubbornly squeals again. So the former has no choice but to press her hand against the other, like sealing an end of a water hose. “Look, I’m not going to hurt you,” she promises.

Joohyun shuts up, once again. Then, she raises her left hand and pinches Seulgi’s nose, hard. This leads Seulgi to back away from her, wincing in pain while carressing her nose. This makes her giggle, then asks again, “What were you doing then?”

“Borrowing Jisoo’s PE shirt. She’s not around, but she told me I can just look for it in her closet.”

“Oh,” mutters Joohyun. She stifles a chuckle, seeing Seulgi like a red-nosed reindeer.

“I’m tired and I need to rest. I can’t wait for her to come back.” Her words sounded like one long sigh, as if unburdening herself. Seulgi kneels down in front of the drawer again and combs through Jisoo’s folded clothes. “What about you, what brings you here?”

Joohyun absentmindedly reaches for her skirt pocket, where an end of a ruler pokes out. “I’m returning Jennie’s ruler, before I forget. She needs it tonight.” She moves towards the desks at the south of the room, which are backed against the wall and are below the huge, screened window. She places the ruler beside Jennie’s notebook.

Seulgi pulls out the shirt she’s been looking for, and pushes the drawer inwardly with her knee. She turns to look at Joohyun, and notices the thin maroon cut on her cheek. A healing wound. She partly feels guilty, seeing the blemish on a pretty face, because it was done by her girlfriend.

“Hey, stop staring at me or you might fall in love!” Joohyun jokes.

She’s never been this close to Seulgi, and unexpectedly, she finds the soccer captain amusing. She was never in her radar, but she knew how she’s always been quiet and kept to herself, with a good circle of friends, the bulk of them being in the school’s dance club. Once she started proving herself in the soccer team by the latter half of 10th grade - a rising rookie player - she’s gained some popularity, and by the next school year, somehow ended up being in a relationship with the leader of the cheering squad, Krystal. Since then, Joohyun has seen her with the so-called elite clique of their class.

Seulgi ignores the jest and inquires, “Don’t you want more bandage strips? I still have some. I don’t know, the scratch might just get accidentally touched and get worse.”

“No, thanks. I don’t want to look like a fool wearing Pikachu on my face.” _And you're the only one in this entire school with that childish bandage strip_ , Joohyun might add. All students in their school has observed that, and Joohyun knows wearing it can only lead to unnecessary linking of her to the athlete, when they’re barely acquaintances in the first place.

“Alright,” Seulgi says weakly, taking offense, though the impact of the words hits her less than it should, considering Joohyun is just rude like that. “See you around.” She unlocks the door and leaves ahead.

Witnessing Seulgi’s reaction to her banter, Joohyun pouts, then follows to leave the room after. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are just starting to build up, so the narratives are still not weaving into each other. I hope you're all having fun reading this story, which may take quite a while for things to come to realization.


	3. A deal, and other big deals

 

So it boils down to this: Joohyun loses not only another game of darts but also a bet, giving Chanyeol the privilege to smoke inside.

Beyond the grimy paned window is the breadth of a clear blue sky, illuminating the humble, midsize club room. It’s a generous space to a puny five members of the Darts Club - formed with the ulterior motive to create a hangout spot, in retaliation to school authorities prohibiting them from huddling in the corridors. The club room was once the storage of broken school paraphernalia, and with Joohyun’s urging of occupying the room and Junmyeon’s diligent paper work for admin approval, they have managed to transform it.

“Is there any other way I can make you stop smoking in here?” Joohyun asks, rubbing her temples. Not that the rest of them mind, but if there’s anything she despises the most, it’s the reek of cigarette smoke. “Can’t you just chew a mint gum or something?”

Chanyeol, who’s leaning beside the window, snorts, unyielding. “Maybe if I let you win, which won’t happen.” He couldn’t smoke before class this Friday morning nor was he able to yesterday, scared for what he might chance upon while perched on the tree again. He did not exactly like being privy to other people’s matters. He couldn’t care less who snogged who. And what he’s seen the other day… he deems it prudent to be mum about it. He didn’t want to stir up drama where he’s not directly involved.

Unable to resist his withdrawal, he brings up the matter to Joohyun again, which they have argued about before and to which she vehemently disagreed to, leading him to find ingenious solutions to where and how he could smoke in school. Smoke detectors are ubiquitous in the godforsaken school and dormitory (he sometimes glares at them when he’s in the urinals), and he tries not to get spotted by the CCTVs. The sycamore tree was perfect - away from sensors, from CCTVs, or from tattletales; however, he thought it wasn’t an option now. No, he did not want to see or hear people make out when he’s relaxing. The club room has not been refurbished by the school (the deal was they can have it if they spruced it up on their own), so it didn’t have the technology installed unlike the rest of the school.

“It’s unfair. You are taller, and you have longer limbs and therefore a better reach,” huffs Joohyun, in denial that she lost, and that she even agreed to the whole thing in the first place. She rubs the cut in her cheek which is starting to itch.

Baekhyun Byun, with small mischievous eyes and an even more mischievous tongue, crouched down the unswept floor, suddenly pipes in, “What, are you also gonna excuse your defeat with the scratches in your arms?” He throws that to the girl without looking up from Junmyeon and Tao Huang playing their round of darts.

Joohyun glares at him. “And who told you to butt in to our conversation...?” To which Baekhyun just snickers.

Chanyeol heaves a sigh. He knew it was futile to ask for Joohyun’s consideration in this matter anyway. He might just go back to the damn tree; he’s too impatient and at times lazy to go out of the campus and sit in smoking areas in the public, with the fear that a teacher from school might spot him. _Fucking school rules,_ he thinks. “If you hook me up with Jinri I might even stop smoking,” he challenges on a whim, half-jokingly, in fact.

The three boys pause, staring at him, incredulous, as if he just asked Joohyun to take him to a trip to Pluto.

“What?” Joohyun’s ears perk up, though unsure if she heard right. “Now you’re going to make a wingman out of me?”

It’s a delight to the tall guy that Joohyun considers instead of brushing it off. Joohyun will surely move mountains to win over their bet, seeing how she’s not accepting the results of the game.

“No _fucking_ way, you’re really serious about Jinri, huh?” Baekhyun comments, standing up to stretch his sore legs. He puts his hands on his waist and parts his legs a bit. He hasn’t heard the name from Chanyeol’s mouth since maybe the previous school year. “What’s with this sudden burst of confidence?”

“I did tell him that she sleeps around now,” Junmyeon adds before hitting a double twenty on the dartboard. Tao groans.

Joohyun scoffs, “No, that’s just him being delusional. As if she and her snotty friends would bother with our arses. Not that I would even think of being involved with any of them.” _Except maybe Seulgi_ , she muses, _but it’s not like they were her first set of friends_.

“Okay, I’m smoking in here... until graduation. It’s final,” he teases, fumbling through his trousers' pocket, and pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

“Wait, wait, wait," Joohyun sputters, realizing that Chanyeol was serious about his ultimatum. “Alright! I’ll do it,” she succumbs, determined. “I can compromise while I'm on it. Use this room every morning recess. And you can’t smoke in here during Wednesdays, because it’s the designated school club time.” Anything that can make Chanyeol stop smoking and charring up his lungs.

“Deal,” Chanyeol replies.

 

 

 

Jinri yawns, eyes drooping as she types away on her laptop. Next to her sits Joy, busy editing a feature article submitted by a junior. Next month is the publication of the school’s paper, released bimonthly by the editorial board. It’s already late September, and as an editor-in-chief she will need to double time.

“I barely slept,” Jinri starts, breaching the silence in the meeting room, trying to shake off the drowsiness. “But last night was too great. Free-flowing drinks, and this hot college guy from * university. It was a blast.” She draws up a close-lipped smile. She has gone out two nights in a row, and is keeping herself awake with cups of coffee.

Joy doesn’t comment for a second. Across her is Mark Lee, an eleventh grader with a small set of teeth and prominent cheekbones, immersed in solving a crossword puzzle of a local newspaper. He is a sports editor, but there’s no work for him yet so he just goes to the room for peace and quiet, and to bask in the coldness of the air blasting from the air conditioner. Joy knows that the younger boy is not going to entertain Jinri’s talk about her nightly escapades, so she goes, “Perks of living outside campus and not being cooped up inside the dormitory, if I say so myself. It’s nice that you get to do your kind of fun.”

“Right? I’ve discovered the pleasures of clubbing a few months ago, and it isn’t so bad.” Jinri has also mastered soundlessly going in and out of their house and climbing up and down her windows. She’s never been caught by her parents. She almost broke her ankle twice though.

“Well, good for you,” Joy says noncommittally, because she’s actually not a fan of Jinri’s lifestyle. She believes that there are much better ways to unwind than wasting time and resources to be buzzed in a deafeningly loud and crowded space. Distracted, she reads the phrase  _To drown out the rambunctious noise..._ from the article over and over without comprehension.

Jinri stretches an arm then sheepishly mentions, “Wanna come with me sometime?”

Joy looks up from the paper, gaping in surprise, and points to herself, “Me?” What does Jinri think of her, a pushover?

“It’ll be fun. You’re too deep in your studies, you should enjoy yourself a little.”

But I do know how to have fun, Joy would like to argue but holds her tongue. Her current hyperfixation is watching the entire filmography of Studio Ghibli - she tries to slip it into her schedule by being part of her daily thirty-minute study break at night, though it depends if she has enough self-control. And when she’s really feeling self-indulgent, she curls up in bed, streaming TVXQ’s music videos, music show stages, or fancams on her phone. Sometimes the funny edits on YouTube if there’s a drought of content. She has gone to the popular Korean band’s concert thrice, and pretty much screamed her lungs out. She knows fun.

“I’m not sure if I can join you,” she answers, “There’s dormitory curfew and the first wave of exams are coming soon. I want to clinch the top spot from Choi Minho. He’s been blocking me for the past year.”

Jinri gives her an understanding smile. “I see. Maybe after exams then? And you don’t have to be out late, you can head back before curfew.” She pauses first, deep in thought, then says, “I don’t know, you seem like you’d be fun to be around.”

Now that might be a blatant lie, Joy thinks, because they don’t hangout except when they’re gathered for their duties on the school paper. Perhaps Jinri couldn’t get her own set of friends to tag along, when their stuck-up selves would mingle with strangers than the students in school. She didn’t peg Seulgi to be the partygoer type either, unless maybe Krystal would implore her.

“I can consider...” Joy says weakly, knowing Jinri won’t stop cajoling her.

“That’s the spirit!” Jinri exclaims happily. “But first, the deadlines,” Jinri says, despite feeling groggy and half-dead at the thought of sitting down and finishing her editorial regarding restrictive school policies.

Joy nods, and they don’t talk until after they stop working.

 

 

 

There’s a heavy thump against her locker door that Seulgi instinctively flinches, dropping a few of the fan letters that she collected, which were strewn inside (letters are inserted through the slits). She pokes her head behind her locker door and sees someone bent down to pick up the papers.

“I didn’t know you have a reputation of a heartthrob,” says the girl, who, upon looking up at a mystified Seulgi, turns out to be Joohyun. She skims through one of the letters written in a pastel blue fragrant paper, full of glossy heart stickers at the side. “Wow, the dedication put into this… that’s something else.” Joohyun reads some from the fan letter and remarks, “This is really cheesy. It’s giving me the gooseprickles.” She makes it a point to show she shudders.

To her chagrin, Seulgi snatches the paper. Joohyun obnoxiously cackles, handing back the rest of the letters to her. She then questions, “What’s wrong with that?”

“I didn’t know some people are dumb enough to send you cringy messages, but I’m much more baffled at how you actually have fans.” Joohyun says cheekily, and doesn’t even so much as think of slowing down with that, that Seulgi’s just stupefied at the comment. “I’ve never come across one fan of yours in school. Perhaps they gather in secret because they know they’re doing something dumb, and they probably call their fan club something dumb too, like Seulginators.”

“Har har,” Seulgi deadpans. She had no idea how it came to be, but the letters of admiration from anonymous people just started pouring in nearing the end of tenth grade, when she scored a goal in one of the interschool division games when she was a rookie, letting the team win the game and move on to the regionals.

“I get it, this is all _dumb_ to you, hearing the adjective come out of your mouth a few times more,” she tells Joohyun, before organizing the letters and stashing them back inside her locker. “Tell you what, Lucas receives a lot more, that he agonizes over it at times. I think most of the varsity players pretty much get this kind of fanmade stuff.”

“Do you read them?” asks Joohyun, peeling off the chipped paint on the adjacent locker.

“I do, when I’m in the mood or when I want to motivate myself. It’s actually overwhelming to be showered with this much care from strangers, who only know me because they think I’m cool or they get inspiration from how I play soccer and represent the school. It’s all for different reasons – but they cheer me up all the same.” She sighs after that, surprised that she was able to spill her thoughts on that eloquently, because nobody in the soccer team are pensive enough or are willing to tackle the depth of the fan letters sent to them. It’s an intimate gesture, despite of the impersonal attachment of the sender to her, Seulgi thinks.

Joohyun’s jaw hangs ajar, awed at what she just heard. She definitely gets Seulgi’s charisma, but this makes her see the athlete in a different light. “That’s deep,” she says, pretending to brush it off.

“Stingy with compliments, huh?” Seulgi jabs at her, chuckling. “Anyway, I didn’t think you’d bother with me after the ruckus you almost made the other night. So, is there anything you need?” After fumbling through her Adidas backpack, she punches the key into the keyhole and locks the locker. Krystal’s class is going to be dismissed soon, and it goes without saying that _she_ ’s going to be looking for her.

Of course, Seulgi’s not that dense than she’d like to think. It’s because Chanyeol and I had a deal, and you’re the gateway to the seemingly impenetrable group, and through you I can have access to Jinri, without it looking like it’s forced, she might have said, but Joohyun knows better than to outright tell Seulgi that she’s just using her. She can’t deny that no matter how she phrases it, it can’t come off otherwise. To be unsuspicious, she takes the longer and logical instead of the easier and practical route.

“You know how we have this project in Arts due first quarter exam? About a piece of a location that gives you peace? I sort have this landscape in mind but I’m not that good at drawing, so I’m seeking your help,” Joohyun explains. Hitting two birds with one stone, she thinks, imagining that she’s giving herself a pat on the back.

Seulgi squints at her, wearing her bag on her shoulders. “Yeah? How did you know I can draw?”

“You volunteered to do the poster for the class during Humanities week last school year, remember? And none of my friends can draw better than me, and I’m not even that good,” recalls Joohyun, humbled at how her sharp memory is backing her pretexts right now. “Were you hoping to hear that I was secretly one of your fans?  _Tch_. Over my dead body.”

“Not really, don’t be defensive,” Seulgi teases, grinning widely, before she grips the straps of her backpack. “Anyway, there’s the Arts Club created exactly to help you out with your problem.”

“Yah!” Joohyun shouts, stomping her shoe on the pebbled flooring of the hallway. She resorts to mild aggression, unable to form a decent counter to the suggestion. “Those kids there are freaks, and anyway, I told you I’m asking for your help. _Your_ help.”

“Whoa, calm down,” Seulgi says, taken aback. So this Bae Joohyun is not a myth, she thinks. It’s unsurprising, given what went down the other day with her and Krystal, but it’s different being directly subjugated to her… temper? “Alright,” she agrees, because she does want to help anyway. Maybe Joohyun’s shy and have too much pride to consult the Arts Club, she surmises.

Joohyun breaks into a gentle smile, which Seulgi observes to soften her features, as if she’s an entirely different person, contrary to such a standoffish, cold face when she is unsmiling. Sort of reminds her of Krystal.

“I knew I can depend on you,” Joohyun chirps.

“I mean sure, just tell me when you’d like to be taught.” Then, Seulgi feels a buzzing in her skirt pocket and she fishes out her phone. A notification of a text message reads, _Where are you?_ from Krystal. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. See you around.”

The school bell rings, and Joohyun triumphantly grins to herself.

 

 

 

Kai looks at the two girls across the table, a bit upset with their display of affection, but his face only channels a bored expression as he dips the short and stout popsicle stick into his cup of cheap chocolate ice cream. Next to him sits Sehun, habitually nodding to any word coming out of Krystal’s mouth. What was she even saying? He has lost track; he got distracted by her left hand reaching for Seulgi’s right one, tightly locking her fingers onto her girlfriend’s slender ones.

Krystal has gathered them at the cafeteria after class, treating them to cups of ice cream because well, _guess what_ , they did terrific during their History report. The teacher was a known pedant, but they have seamlessly answered his questions and he didn’t even think he would be that well-versed in the topic, especially when his interest in the subject is virtually null. But Krystal was a motivating partner; in between their kisses she’d quiz him about their report, and if he couldn’t answer she’d beseech him to study that part again, and when he finally learns the answer, they’d go back to smooching until she quizzes him again. That was basically what happened on Wednesday and Thursday nights that had just gone by, and he doesn’t feel any remorse sliding his hand up her leg, knowing he shouldn’t be doing any of that.

“Jinri, are you fine? There’s dark circles under your eyes,” Krystal remarks, just after she has discussed with Sehun her strategy for doing well on the report (sans the makeout sessions, of course), because he’s going to be the next one in his class, together with Seulgi. Jinri has been languidly poking her ice cream at the head of the table (it’s good for six people), inattentive to the talk at the table.

“It’s the workload for the school paper,” Jinri replies softly. Because what was she going to say? That she’s been enjoying her time in nightclubs that she couldn’t tell how much time has passed by and so she goes home late? Krystal is just going to talk down to her, pretending that she cares. She didn’t even want to be here; she couldn’t give a damn whatever it was that they were celebrating about.

“Just don’t overwork yourself, okay? Ask me if you need some help,” Krystal tells her, staring at her with genuine concern. “It’s the first quarter exam in two weeks. Do you guys want to do group study for the two weekends, same old?”

Sehun groans, which causes Kai and Seulgi to chuckle. Group study sessions were, to be frank, such a bore. He didn’t know how he managed to undergo through it, because Krystal stuck to the agenda, and would shush him anytime he mentions _League of Legends_ or anything irrelevant to Kai.

“Don’t tell me it didn’t help you guys, because it totally did,” Krystal points out, before she puts a morsel of ice cream in her mouth. “And it’s just one day in a weekend, don’t be lazy. I just want to make sure we’re all passing our subjects.”

“I definitely have no problem with that,” Seulgi assures her, despite having never liked the whole idea (she wants to study in her own pace), because it’s something she can endure through, and Krystal was there, so it isn’t that bad.

Jinri leans back into her chair and rests her head on top of the backrest, closing her eyes. She can barely hold off the sleepiness and she can see that she’s going to pass out during commute.

“Well, what could go wrong, right?” Kai smirks while staring teasingly at Krystal, to which she responds by dropping her gaze back to her food.

It hasn’t been long since their affair started; it came about late July. Krystal’s parents were away on a business trip, and two days in, alone and lonely in their home, she called Kai over. Seulgi lives in the province, miles away from the city (where the school is located also), so she couldn’t be around during the summer. Kai thought Sehun and Jinri would be there too, but to his astonishment, it was only the two of them. At first it was awkward - he has never been alone with her. Then after an hour of watching _Skins_ , Krystal goes to the kitchen, and brandishes a bottle of wine when she comes to sit back at the couch.

A few drinks and three episodes of the TV series, she hints at how she has noticed his lingering stares, way back to tenth grade. Kai has never had the courage to confess. Do you _want_ me? Krystal had asked, almost slurring, which threw Kai off at first that he couldn’t utter a Yes, I like you and I _want_ you. He hesitates, very well aware that Krystal is in a relationship, but she leans in close and grazes his jaw with warm and desperate lips.

And for the first time, it comes across Kai’s mind, how he never thought how one could love, yet also sin at the same time.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos! Let us all go into the new year healthy and happy! ❤


	4. It's one long Saturday...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A regular Saturday of a high school student, or is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite longer, sorry. I hope it isn’t too much.

 

“What kind of asshole drives a Lotus?”

Kyungsoo looks up from his breakfast of soggy cereal flakes in milk, and stares at Chanyeol coming in just fresh out of the shower, singsonging the lyrics to Welcome to Japan by The Strokes, a towel draped around his waist. Chanyeol, phone in his hand blasting the song, strums his fingers in the air. Kyungsoo sighs, then scoops up a spoonful of cereal and shoves it into his mouth.

Chanyeol pauses the song and drops his phone onto his bed, and disappears into his closet, changing into a fresh pair of a white Hang Ten shirt and black Adidas shorts.

“It’s a fine Saturday, ain’t it?” he says to his roommate who doesn’t budge. He hangs his towel, then pulls his desk chair, and sits. It has been more than a month since he was lumped with Kyungsoo, but they’ve barely talked to each other. The guy is pokerfaced and laconic, and Chanyeol thinks he isn’t to be trifled with so he doesn’t try to push it far. Nevertheless he still confides to him, because it was no different from talking to a wall.

“I’m going out today. Maybe call Junmyeon and Joohyun to tag along with me to the mall,” Chanyeol begins, no matter if Kyungsoo is listening or not. “Then, I’ll smoke later.”

Kyungsoo lackadaisically proceeds to consume his cereal.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about using vape,” the tall guy rambles on. “But I’ve heard it’s dangerous. I don’t want my handsome face to get blasted. So I guess it’s better to fiddle with the natural stuff.” He chuckles faintly, filling in the awkward pause. “I’ve told you about Jinri, right?” Chanyeol turns to look at Kyungsoo, but the latter doesn’t return the gesture. “Yeah, so, I told Joohyun I’ll stop smoking if she finds a way for me to get down with _her_. I’m a wuss if you think about it, but I think Joohyun loves the fun and the whole rigmarole of convincing Jinri I’m worthy of her time. I heard she’s quite discriminate when it comes to sleeping with the students in school.”

No response. Kyungsoo finishes the last morsel of his breakfast.

“How did some guys in this school even managed to hook up with Jinri? She seems so out of anyone’s league, y’know?” Chanyeol wonders out loud, running his tongue over his teeth. “Maybe it’s just hearsay, after all. So Joohyun is really going to do me a huge favor, but I’m honestly not sure if I can force myself to stop smoking if she’s successful. I might foam at the mouth.”

Kyungsoo pushes back his chair and opens his closet, pulling out his violin case from the largest compartment and slings it over his shoulder.

“Oh right, the orchestra rehearsal,” Chanyeol realizes, his voice a bit louder. “Man, you guys are working hard. Good luck!”

Kyungsoo imperceptibly bows a goodbye at Chanyeol, and soundlessly leaves the room.

 

 

 

Wendy grimaces when she realizes that the flute Haechan Lee licked is Yeri Kim’s. Renjun Huang, long-faced and gentle-eyed, and Chenle Zhong, whose eyes scrunch tight when smiling, snickers as the naughty boy returns the woodwind instrument to the seat next to him. Wendy, sitting at the row behind, combs her bangs and sighs, peering through her folder where the music sheet for Vivaldi’s Four Seasons is fastened. It isn’t the piece for the competition that they’ve began practicing for days now, but for a presentation during the regional musical conference which will be held in their alma mater after the examination week.

For her, this practice is just something to breeze through, since they have played it for the past school years. The new recruits, which are basically freshmen students, are the ones to benefit this rehearsal. It’s half past eight in the morning, but there’s still only a few of them in the studio. They’ll all probably rush over once the clock struck nine, as usual. She has just arrived and settled down, and found out Haechan has been toying with Yeri’s flute. _Kids_ , she thinks.

Yeri, who just got out of the comfort room, happily skips towards them, taking her seat next to Haechan.

Not long after, Wendy calls over, “Yeri-ah.”

The bob-haired lass turns around and asks, “Yeah?”

“You have to wash and disinfect your flute,” Wendy admonishes. Haechan hears that, and pouts indignantly at Wendy. She shakes her head, her long ash brown hair following the movement. “That was too much, Haechan.”

“Yah!” Yeri shrieks upon discovery, slapping Haechan in the arm repeatedly, beating the confession out of him as he winces with each hit. “You’re damn annoying,” she says, irate, before she stops. Haechan had always been teasing her, and she cannot comprehend why he overdoes it. She picks up her flute and storms out of the room, heading back to the comfort room. Haechan laughs. Wendy  _tsk_ s.

Just then, Kyungsoo walks in with his violin, and bows at them before he sits on one of the chairs at the front provided for the string group. Wendy was first baffled why he hardly spoke, but had then just gotten used to it. She heard he’s been bullied way back in the first year of high school, but there wasn’t really much fuss about it, so she took it with a grain of salt.

Subsequently, Sejeong Kim saunters in, another flutist, flashing Wendy her signature Marion Cotillard smile. She runs to the seat beside Wendy asking, “Do you still remember how to play Four Seasons? It’s been a year ago since we last played it.” She huffs, then fishes out her canteen of water from her backpack.

“Hm, I’m more familiar with Spring. I think you’ll remember it once we practice. Muscle memory,” explains Wendy.

Another person enters the studio, but this time they’re not a part of the ensemble. Seulgi scoots over to Haechan, and hands him the club sandwich she bought from the cafeteria. Her long wet hair cascades down her shoulders, drenching her yellow cropped top shirt with amorphous-shaped spots. Wendy spares her furtive glances as she chats with Haechan.

“I hurried over here to get you some breakfast. You’re in luck I woke up rather early today,” relays Seulgi to the boy who nibbles on his sandwich.

“I thought I was running late, so I rushed leaving our house. But while on the bus I was hungry, so I took a chance to ask and text if you can grab me some breakfast at the cafeteria. Turns out practice starts at nine, not eight. Sorry about that,” claims Haechan. As one of the juniors in the soccer team, the unpopular kid was doted on by Seulgi. Haechan regards him like a real big sister.

Seulgi ruffles Haechan’s hair. “You’re so spoiled, don’t you know? Anyway, I gotta run, so bye.” Haechan waves her a bye. His two friends teases him for being such a baby. Seulgi disappears into the door.

Sejeong nudges Wendy with her elbow. “I saw that, you sly fox.”

“What?” Wendy denies with a sheepish grin on her face.

“The heart eyes you were giving Seulgi. It’s so apparent, you can’t hide it,” insists Sejeong. “My, my, I know you’re a die-hard fan, but it seems like there’s more to it than that.”

Wendy grits her teeth then licks her lips. “Oh, shut up.”

 

 

 

“I can’t understand jack shit,” Sehun grumbles, squinting over a page of his yellow pad filled with diagrams and numbers. His answer for a particular Physics problem didn’t match the one written at the back of the textbook. Across the coffee table are Krystal and Kai, muttering to each other, discussing the concept of Newton’s Laws of Motion. Jinri is on the easy chair at the corner of the living room, silently calculating without problems so far. They’re at Kai’s house - a bungalow, cozy and eclectic in style.

Seulgi, who is beside Sehun, peeps at his paper. She snatches it up and scans his solution. “You got the free-body diagram wrong, doofus. Pushing a block involves a friction force parallel to the surface, yes, but the arrow should go the opposite way since friction opposes motion. The value, therefore, for the friction force should be negative.”

“Crap. I’m peeved with these free-body diagrams,” laments Sehun, tousling his thick shock of black hair.

“What, were you sleeping during Sir X’s discussion of that topic? He lent one period just to demonstrate how to draw the diagram,” Seulgi informs, giving Sehun his pad paper back. “Just master that part, because that’s fundamental to solving Newtonian problems. You’re much better than me when it comes to arithmetic anyway, so no doubt you’ll solve it easily once you figure out how to make a diagram.”

“Sehun never sleeps in class, but his mind does wander a lot when he’s not interested with the lesson,” Krystal chimes in.

Seulgi chuckles. “Now that you pointed that out, he does. Since we’re in the same class now, I sometimes catch him spaced out. With dead, empty eyes, succumbing to nihilism.” Kai and Krystal laughs softly at the joke.

Sehun buries his face in his hands. “Oh fuck off, you lot.”

“That’s a classic Sehun, I told you so, Seul,” adds Krystal, grinning.

“So, where were we...” Kai says, hailing Krystal’s attention. When he sees that she did not hear (Krystal continues chattering with Seulgi), he stealthily slithers his hand onto her thigh, and pinches it. Krystal then jerks her head towards him, brows meeting at the center, flicking his hand away, to his confusion. She bumps up the leg against the table, causing Sehun and Seulgi’s shoulders to jump in surprise. Jinri looks up from her solving, craning her neck at the scene on the table, then finding it’s of no consequence, returns to her business.

“Shit, sorry,” apologizes Krystal, standing up. “This table is low, and my knees are huge. I’m just gonna drink some water. Be right back.” She hastens to the kitchen, in short quick steps, clenching her fist and grinding her teeth. Upon reaching the kitchen she picks a stout glass from the dish rack, then walks over to the dispenser to fetch some water to drink. Not a few seconds later, after a quenching sip, she feels a hand sliding over her waist, and she instinctively pushes who turns out to be Kai.

“What?” Kai whispers, vexed.

“I told you  _never_  to touch me inappropriately around my girlfriend,” Krystal warns, seething. She puts the glass on the counter. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Kai titters, petulantly. He rests his arms on his waist before answering, “What’s wrong with me? It’s you, Krystal. It’s you.”

Krystal shoots him daggers. “Control yourself, Kai.”

“And how long can I keep hiding? How long can I keep pretending I can stand seeing you and her together? Do you think I can live being just a spare tire? A fool you can run to when you’re bored?” Kai fumed, maintaining a low voice. 

“God, are we going to do this right now?!” Krystal snaps, hand on her temples. She’s angry, but she knows she has to keep Kai from going into an outburst. She isn’t knowledgeable of how long Kai can hold his temper, either.

“What am I even to you? I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he confesses bitterly. It has been fun, but as time passes he starts to be afraid, not of being caught, but of not being Krystal’s choice in the end. Though even if he had learned earlier that it was a gamble, nothing would’ve changed. Krystal is too irresistible.

“Calm down and think. We cannot be reckless,” Krystal tells him. “Stop freaking out and-”

Just then, Jinri prances into the room, and cluelessly finds the two standing statue-like, wearing stern expressions, obviously in a heated argument. “I stashed my Dutch Mill in the fridge earlier. It’s strawberry, my favorite,” she sweetly chirps, then slides toward the fridge. She retrieves her yogurt drink, feeling two pair of eyes watching every of her movement, then she closes the fridge door and exits the kitchen.

Krystal and Kai unfreeze and heave a sigh. “Pull yourself together,” Krystal urges Kai through gritted teeth.

 

 

 

Hefting the laundry she picked up from the dry cleaners, Seulgi grunts as she turns the knob, and swings the door open with the nudge of her sneaker. She unloads the thing on the foot of her bed, then moves to close the door. It’s past five in the afternoon, and she’s already done with the day. Joy isn’t around, but she guesses her roommate is at the study lounge in the third floor, just above the floor where their room is in.

Seulgi pulls her blouse over head, crumples and tosses it in the laundry basket beside the bed post. She sits on the cushioned desk chair, facing the windows with drawn sheer curtains, letting her body slicked with sweat acclimate to room temperature. She stares at her desk full of clutter, then at Joy’s neat and organized desk, with a calendar of a familiar, handsome Korean pop star propped up, looking over her belongings.

The hinges of the door squeaks then a draft of wind suddenly hits her skin, and she shivers.

“Cheeseburger and coke?” a voice asks. A click of the lock is heard.

Seulgi looks back and witnesses Joohyun barging in, and holding a kraft paper bag. Not even a knock. She covers her chest, crossing her arms and clutching her shoulders, surprised and unprepared at the sudden visit. Aside from the yoga bra, her upper body is completely naked.

“What are you hiding? There’s nothing to cover,” Joohyun jokingly remarks, watching Seulgi shuffling awkwardly toward her closet. She notices the defined midriff of the athlete, and she can’t peel her eyes away from it to save her life. She breaks from her trance once Seulgi bends down to open her drawer, and her stomach is angled away.

Seulgi pulls out the first shirt she sees. She quickly eases into a loose royal blue shirt before asking, “Why are you here?”

“Saw you walking to the dormitory with your laundry while I was in the cafeteria. I thought I’d buy some snacks.”

“Yeah?” Seulgi throws back suspiciously. “Is there something you want from me?”

Joohyun clicks her tongue and admits, “Correct. I just thought we should talk about the Arts project. Perhaps you could think of this” - she holds up the paper bag - “as a payment. A gift, or a bribe. Whatever it means to you.”

Joohyun pushes the clutter to make space for the paper bag on Seulgi’s desk. The burgers’ wrappers crunch as she pulls them out along with two cans of coke. She hands the snacks to Seulgi, now plopped on her bed, who apprehensively takes it. She sits on the desk chair, unwrapping the burger and munches on it.

“I can never tell what you’re up to,” Seulgi tells her. “I can’t deny that this is strange.”

“Stop overthinking and just gobble it up,” Joohyun implores her. “I just think we should  _really_ be friends, for formality, you know? I just want us to work comfortably.” It was not something she made up, nor she said just for the heck of it; she simply thought she should do it. The stakes aren’t that high but she deemed things would go flawlessly if it was genuine. She wasn’t sure how this would lead to her being chummy with Jinri and eventually  _successfully_  setting her up with Chanyeol, but for now this is ample.

“Is this how you deal with people? Just walk up to them and decide ‘hey, let’s be friends’?” wonders Seulgi before she takes a bite of the cheeseburger. The steak is greasy, but the tangy catsup mayonnaise, not to mention the lettuce, tomato, and cheese balances the taste.

“No,” Joohyun utters in dissent. “It’s a special treatment from yours truly.” She pulls the tab off her soda, and the drink comes to life, fizzing.

“Should I feel special then?” Seulgi jabs at her, loudly chewing her food.

Joohyun swallows her drink before speaking her rebuttal, “Oh, I totally forgot I am graced by the presence of  _the_ Kang Seulgi. A low profiler like me can’t make you feel special.”

Seulgi gives her an unamused look, though it is meant to be comical. She takes more bites, and has wolfed down half of her burger by then. She did not realize she was that hungry. “You’re rough, but never dull.” Seulgi thinks Joohyun banters as if her life depends on it.

“What a weird way to compliment my personality,” Joohyun says, giggling. “Anyway, there’s this playground back in my middle school where the scenery of the night is beautiful. I thought that place gives me peace, and I want to illustrate that for the project.”

“Really? I might need a photo of that place for reference.” Seulgi uncaps her soda, and takes a swig from it. She burps.

“I don’t think a camera can capture it’s beauty. It’s not a very picturesque landscape. It’s a rusty swing, a barren land, dusty, but I feel like that’s the part of the city where I can view the starry night sky clearly.”

Seulgi rolls up her eyes, pensive, then suggests, “So... you have to show me that place.”

“That’s right,” Joohyun agrees, finishing her burger before proceeding, “One of these days we should. Take a feel of the place, and put that feeling into paper.”

“I’m a busy person, you know,” Seulgi informs the other, unsure of how she would fit that to her schedule. It’s not that she thinks it’s an ordeal, but she didn’t foresee that this would take up a chunk of her meager spare time. Not to mention she needs to start working on the same project too.

“That’s what the cheeseburger and coke is for,” Joohyun argues, a goofy grin on her face. “Too bad, you can’t barf it back.”

Seulgi stuffs her face with the last chunk of the burger, scrumples the wax paper wrapper, and washes the food down with another sip of coke before she stands up to chuck the wrapper into the trash bin on the northwest corner of the room, by the door. “Don’t worry, I did promise to help. I’m not going to brea-”

Just then, three short but urgent knocks are heard from the door. Both girls pause. Seulgi asks, “Who’s there?” and the person answers, “Krystal.” This prompts Joohyun to scramble and find a hiding spot, but dorm rooms were too minimalistic and spacious, and beneath the bunk bed were squalid dirty shoes that she wouldn’t dare lie on. Seulgi dashes toward her cabinet and opens it, waving Joohyun to climb in. What, Joohyun mouths. Seulgi just soundlessly stomps her foot and demands the other girl to move quick. “Wait, I’m just changing my clothes,” Seulgi yells, while Joohyun goes inside with a defeated look on her face. Seulgi closes the cabinet door, before running to the room’s door and unlocking it, revealing an impatient Krystal who strides inside after locking the door shut again, dragging Seulgi into her bed.

Krystal pushes Seulgi on the bed, bends over, and pins her hands on the athlete’s shoulders. Seulgi slightly panics, panting, too caught off guard by the sudden shove. Krystal, without so much a word, leans in and with considerable pressure, plants her lips on the other, sliding her tongue with such force to part the other girl’s lips open. A hand frantically fumbles on the hem of Seulgi’s shirt, until it maneuvers comfortably upwards the girl’s torso, and kneads one of girl’s small breasts.

Seulgi moans in her girlfriend’s mouth, her mind suddenly going blank, forgetting there’s a person stowed in her closet. Krystal kisses fervently and hard, producing loud and wet sucking sounds in the room, running her tongue around the pit of Seulgi's saccharine mouth. Krystal’s hand then travels down, the pads of her fingers pressing over Seulgi’s defined abs, the pressure making the latter feel as if she’s going to sink into the mattress. Has Krystal always been this deprived? This sort of intensity was rare, despite the oodles of times they had make out. It was as if her girlfriend was angry about something, and she was the punching bag.

Then, the hand deftly unbuttons Seulgi’s denim shorts, but before it could dive into the spot between her legs, it is grabbed and stopped by the other's hand.

Krystal breaks off the kiss and in bewilderment, asks, “What’s wrong?”

Seulgi bites her lower lip, staring at her coyly, then with a low voice, responds, “You seem… mad. I feel like you’re going to rip me apart.” That, and the fact that she remembered Joohyun was around, stuck in a cramped compartment, forced to listen to them snogging. She had wanted to roll over and dodge the contact, but she didn’t want to make Krystal feel unwanted either.

Krystal snorts, looking at her endearingly. “That’s the dirtiest talk I’ve heard from you.” The truth is she is not the least bit mad. She is frustrated. When they started dating late last year, they would make out at least five times a month, and would go as far as the second (lesbian) base. Since the school year started, they have only done that once, and every time she attempts Seulgi would balk and make excuses, much less try to seduce her into it. It’s inevitable to compare, but she wants Seulgi to show as much passion and desire as Kai does. “Of course, it was my plan to  _rip you apart_ ,” she flirts, her gaze sticky and sultry.

“I don’t think you understand your feelings. I’m sorry but let’s just do it again when we’re both in the proper mindset for it,” Seulgi tells her, her stare shifting from Krystal’s face crouched over, to the base of the upper bunk.

“You’ve been lukewarm to me,” Krystal’s tone suddenly changes into a stern one.

Seulgi looks back at her, taken aback with the accusation. “It’s just that it’s been a long day, and I’m tired. I can’t go any further than that.”

Krystal refrains from answering the tepid alibi, then snuggles down beside Seulgi, and rests her head on the latter’s arm, treating it like a pillow. She wraps an arm over and across Seulgi’s body, mindlessly staring at the closets opposite the room. She wears a brooding expression, thinking deeply. “Do you love me, Seulgi?” she asks.

Seulgi caresses her girlfriend’s soft hair, smoothly patting her head. “I do.”

She wouldn’t dare ask the reason behind the question, when it was clear why. And if she needs to explain herself, the reason would simply be due to a steer in priorities. During the time they began dating it was the end of the season for the soccer team, so there were no more practices to be had, and she had a lot of spare time and unspent energy for canoodling. Right now, in her last year of high school, she hopes that they can at least step into the nationals, if not to win in it, and so she has the bulk of her focus on their practices, and as the current captain, she wholeheartedly exerts not only physical, but mental and emotional prowess into their games. Suffice to say, Seulgi is too distracted with curricular and school work, and too tuckered out to deal with Krystal with anything beyond kisses and hand-holding.

“I love you, too,” Krystal says, absently rubbing her hands on the fabric of Seulgi’s shirt. She wants to know why Seulgi is so hesitant to her advances, but she is not ready to hear the answer, whatever it is. It feels like 11th grade was just yesterday, when she got curious about kissing a girl, and the idea never came about until she heard the rumors that Seulgi (whose popularity in school had gone sky high) swung the other way and was going out with one of the girls in the school’s cheerdance team, the comely and meek Mina Myoui.

Seulgi, of course, had the charm Krystal liked, and it was as if the whole revelation had awakened an untapped emotion in her. With Seulgi’s skillset and impressive resumé, the cheerleader was convinced she’s the only  _known_  lesbian in school that she will allow to lay hands on her. She had interrogated Mina about Seulgi, and without much ado, answers were pumped out of the unsuspecting girl. Yes, they had began seeing each other for three weeks then. Yes, Seulgi pretty much likes girls. And no, I’m not sure if I’m interested enough to be Seulgi’s girlfriend.

Krystal took that window of opportunity and moved aggressively – congratulating Seulgi after their game in the division sports meet, lingering about the soccer team’s locker room and pretending she was waiting for someone else then asks Seulgi to accompany her (and the athlete dumbly agrees), to exchanging numbers, to always sticking around Seulgi during classroom breaks (they were classmates that year) that Mina had just gradually backed off, and by the end of February, Krystal invited Seulgi to dine out, and after, stole a peck on the cheek before she ran ahead to the dormitory leaving a blushing and dumbfounded Seulgi. At the onset of spring, they were linking arms in the hallways, and Krystal has formally announced their relationship to her circle of friends, where Seulgi has belonged since.

“Sorry, I haven’t been considerate of your feelings,” Krystal utters morosely. She reaches for Seulgi’s jaw and gives it a soft kiss. She sits up from the bed, and says, “It’s probably my timing too, I guess.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry that I can’t do more,” Seulgi argues, while sitting up on the bed. It’s just a small thing, but she knows it’ll leave a big dent in their relationship if they leave it unresolved. However, she can’t let this talk drag on any longer. She pulls Krystal into a tight hug, squeezing her arm. She moves back before kissing Krystal’s lips. “It’s early, I know, but I’ll prefer to be alone right now. Good night.”

“Good night,” Krystal, though slighted by being sent out, tells her before walking out of the room.

A few seconds pass before Joohyun kicks the cabinet door open and jumps out. “That was the worst ten minutes of my life,” she complains, thrusting the cabinet door close. Her cheeks were colored and she had a grumpy look on her face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect Krystal would do that,” Seulgi acknowledges, hopping off the bed and walking towards her.

“ _I feel like you’re going to rip me apart_ ,” Joohyun mocks, then cackles, the pitch in her voice pervading the air and bouncing off the walls. “I swear I died laughing in there. I thought I’d spasm from trying to hold my laughter.”

Seulgi’s face flushes in embarrassment. She was certain she had whispered that part, but Joohyun still picked up the statement. “Yah!” she whines, lightly slapping Joohyun's arm. Looking back, Krystal really had the worst timing this time. She had to act unbothered by Joohyun overhearing them the entire time, and now it’s as if a part of her dignity chipped away with this incident.

Joohyun wipes the tears in her eyes, red from laughing, and says, “I can’t believe this, I always had an inkling but now I can see that she really just demands to screw you out of the blue. That’s wild.” She lifts the can of soda from Seulgi's desk, and sips.

“Well, these things happen at the spur of the moment. You wouldn’t understand because you’ve never had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend,” Seulgi rebutts, also gulping from her can of soda which was placed on her desk. She sits on the edge of her bed.

Joohyun settles on Seulgi’s chair. “High school boys are no good, and the girls...” her eyes flit at Seulgi for a moment before continuing, “I’ve been hated by girls since grade school, because I was around boys too much.”

Joohyun was a pretty kid, and so boys loved to flock around her. This caused the other girls in school to be jealous of her, that she drifted apart from them, and had to adapt to being friends with boys. On the other hand, she became one with the boys, and she has shut down any chance to be romanced by them. Her habits were influenced - she became loud, brash, and naughty, and she hardly fixes her hair or spends that much time checking herself in the mirror. By middle school, most boys have been put off by her, not necessarily because of how she chooses to present herself - she is still a beauty, despite not caring much about her appearance - but because of her unrefined behavior. Junmyeon and Chanyeol, for some reason, stuck to her and played games with her, and they’ve been friends since. Her relationship with girls eventually became better over time, despite her still getting pursued by some of their crushes who adores her personality anyway, but it was brittle. High school, though, was a different matter. The students were much less judgmental, but since she has gotten used to being together with her guy friends, her friendship with girls were very casual.

“I don’t hate you,” Seulgi declared.

“Oh, should I be honored, because it’s from  _the_ Kang Seulgi?” Joohyun gibes, swirling her drink. “Kidding aside, I have no idea if I like boys only or girls only or both. I don’t think I’ve been into anybody since that snot-nosed boy from the second grade. He was cute, but I was turned off cause he couldn’t clean up after himself.”

“You were in second grade,” repeats Seulgi, though it was to argue.

“Clearly my point,” Joohyun insists.

Seulgi sighs, then drains her can of coke, relishing the drink fizzing out in her tongue. “Anyway, are your wounds alright? I think you should’ve had your spine checked or something.” She hands the empty can back to Joohyun, who places it on her desk.

“What, are you still overcompensating for what your girlfriend did to me?” Joohyun asks with a smug smile. “Is that why you’ve been kind and putting up with me? Tell you what, stop spoiling Krystal and let her apologize to me. Until then, there’s only bad blood between us.”

“That’s not it,” Seulgi refutes, unknowingly cracking her knuckles. “I’m truly concerned, and Krystal... she’s not easy to reason with as you think.” She inspects Joohyun’s cheek, and the mark of the scratch seems to be fading, although it will definitely leave a scar.

“Well, I have nothing more to say on that matter. I’ve told you what I want to happen, and if it’s not going to happen, then so be it,” she states, before sipping from her drink again. She unconsciously lands her gaze on Seulgi’s crotch, and she almost spits out the drink. “Hey, your fly’s open.”

Seulgi immediately diverts her attention to her half-zipped shorts, and purses her lips while bashfully zipping it up and fastening the button.  _Argh_ , she thinks exasperatingly. “I’m so embarrassing,” she blurts out.

“There’s nothing left for me to see. I think I’ve seen it all.” Joohyun giggles.

Seulgi’s slightly pointy ears turns hot and red. “If the people who idolize me see me in this state I doubt they’d still like me. I’m so lame.”

“Yeah, you are, and I can tease you about that all day,” Joohyun agrees. She had initially just wanted to ask when they could go visit the site for the Arts project, maybe ask her a thing or two about Jinri, but she doesn’t mind that it had turned out this way, either. Seulgi is, weirdly enough, just so... amusing, to put it simply. There’s no reason for her not to engage in a such a fun, free, and unfiltered conversation they were having now, something that she couldn’t do with other girls where she needs to walk on eggshells, and something she usually does with her company of boys.

Another knock on the door is heard, and both girls stop again, remembering they forgot to lock the door. Joohyun dashes back to Seulgi’s closet, but before she could clamber inside, she sees Joy’s head poking behind the door. Joy regards them nonchalantly and ambles towards her desk, dropping her books on it with a thud.

“Since when were you both friends?” queries Joy, before turning her head to look at them.

Joohyun and Seulgi stare at each other then offhandedly shrug.

“Are you Seulgi’s secret lover or something?” Joy shoots a question again. Seulgi has never brought any other girl in their room aside from Krystal.

“No, she’s not,” protests Seulgi, studying Joohyun’s confused expression. “She went here to consult to me about something.”

“Consult about something,” repeats Joy, with a hint of taunting. “Not very shady,” Joy adds, sarcastic. “Anyway I don’t care, you’re better than Krystal,” she glances at Seulgi and utters, “No offense. Anyway, since you guys are having a little picnic,” she says as she observes the can of soda and a brown paper bag on her roommate’s desk, “let me join and let’s watch Grave of the Fireflies for the rest of the night, shall we?”

“Grave of the Fireflies?” Joohyun asks, then follows with, “Sure.”

They huddle together on the lower bunk, Joy with her laptop on her lap, flanked by Seulgi and Joohyun who watch the film with undivided attention. Joohyun leaves their room clutching a piece of tissue, red-rimmed eyes aching and nose reddened from crying.

 

 


	5. Something about a wallet, a carton of milk, and tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know what it is you’re afraid of,” says Seulgi. Cold wind bites her nose. “It can’t be Krystal. You’re not afraid of her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve been away from this story for a quite a time, i think i switched up the tone of the story a bit but it’s still pretty much the same? also i’ll probably start revising the other chapters, if i get the time. don’t worry, the thought will still be the same. i just want to improve them.

 

Joohyun’s murmuring shit, shit, shit. Her words, along with the wind, softly rustles the leaves. She’s scoured the hallways, their classroom, the cafeteria, and even the garbage bins. Now she’s sitting in one of the benches sprawled at the edges of the campus, dispirited. A tree arches into a canopy overhead. Sun dips into the horizon. Layers of tangerine sky peel off into purple. She sighs, and looks down, her left shoe crushing a dry leaf.

A grimy soccer ball rolls slowly toward her, and she stretches forward to pick it up.

“Seulgi,” she whispers, looking up from the ground. There’s the soccer captain, walking leisurely towards her. Her knee-high socks pulled up and jersey sleeves rolled up.

Seulgi crouches and studies Joohyun’s face: pretty, rosy, but unhappy. “It’s getting dark, aren’t you going back to the dormitory yet?” she asks, taking the ball away from the girl’s hold. There’s a leaf stuck in Joohyun’s hair, but she couldn’t get herself to touch and remove it. Her lips draw up a tiny, knowing smile.

It’s a balmy Tuesday, already into the outset of October. Foliage bursting in russets, golds, and yellows. Less than a week till exams.  The deadline for the art project that she hasn’t started. But to Joohyun, it’s all white noise right now. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep well when I head back to the dormitory,” she groans. Her fingers fidget on top of her pleated skirt.

“Why, anything amiss?” Seulgi asks, unstooping and placing the ball against her waist.

Joohyun ducks her head and sighs, “I’ve been looking for my wallet.” She couldn’t tell if she misplaced or dropped it. Her mind map reveals that it had been with her until after lunch. She’s gone to the lost-and-found booth, but there was nothing. Zip, zilch, zero.

“Oh,” mutters Seulgi. “I can lend you some money.” She’s well-compensated by the varsity scholarship. On tough days, her parents cover her lodging and miscellaneous costs.

Joohyun disapproves of the suggestion with a shake of the head. It’s out of the question. She doesn’t want to owe anybody. Two packs of cup noodles and a can of tuna can still get her through another day. The finder won’t surely be a keeper, what with a meager 10,000-won worth of bills and loose change in the wallet. She’ll just call her parents to wire her money if tomorrow comes and her wallet isn’t in her clutches.

She wants her wallet back, though.

It’s loaded with things that she values - pictures of friends, folded notes, receipts of school bills, fake cards, unused arcade tokens, and the memory of how she got the scar on her cheek. She barely ties herself to objects, but these ones matter; it’s her own memorabilia.

“Let me grab you a dinner for tonight, then,” pleads Seulgi. Thinks it’s the least she can do to help.

Joohyun crosses her arms. “Get a grip,” she tells Seulgi pointedly. “Krystal will be looking for you. I will not be responsible for your sorry arse.” Some days she double takes, and asks herself what she’s even doing. Setting a boundary between them should be good.

Krystal had kissed Seulgi goodbye just several minutes ago. Mentioned about heading to the mall buy a new pair of sneakers. Body fitness training (jogging, mostly) and cheerdance practices has worn out her own pair. She won’t be around the campus till seven. Seulgi could buy time for Joohyun.

“Look, I don’t want to juggle my time between you and my girlfriend like I’m doing something dodgy. We’re friends on our own right,” Seulgi rambles on, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She then dribbles the ball in tiny, small motions.

To that, Joohyun laughs. Her voice echoes through the stars. Some god up there must think she’s going mad. “Did you just hear yourself? Seulgi,  _this_  friendship is over once Krystal finds out.” It should be plain as day, but she has to spell it out. Seulgi doesn’t quite understand.

“Don’t you think that’s projecting a bit too far? Krystal won’t burn you at the stake for being friends with me.” Joohyun completely misses the point, she thinks. She steps on the ball with one foot. Somewhere distant she hears birds chirp.

“Right, because you didn’t just lock me in your closet and hid me from your girlfriend,” Joohyun sasses, the wet sucking sounds of their kiss still ringing in her ear.

Seulgi’s cheeks are aflame at the remark. She confutes, “It was a different situation.  _You_ were in my room. I don’t think Krystal would understand that. You knew that, too.”

“She hates my guts, what is it that you do not get?” grunts Joohyun. She sees Seulgi’s shoulder tense. “Sorry. Let’s just talk another day, when I’m not this...” High-strung, upset, grouchy. “Sensitive.” 

“Anyway, I’m free to go on Friday evening,” Seulgi informs, and when Joohyun furrows her brows, she adds, “for the project.”

Joohyun nods and sighs, and Seulgi turns on her heel.

 

 

 

A short bond paper is taped on the fridge door. Scrawled in felt pen are words that say: TO WHOEVER STOLE MY CARTON OF FRESH MILK F*** YOU! EAT S***! Chanyeol grins, amused, and proceeds to get his bar of chocolate that he’s wrapped with paper out of the fridge. It’s odd, but he’s getting the urge to study this early for the upcoming exams. Usually he’d do it the night before.

Back to his room there’s Kyungsoo, slurping warm, instant _jjampong_ noodles.

“You’re getting frugal these days,” Chanyeol observes, while he moves his desk chair with his leg. He pulls the calculus textbook from the pile on his desk, barely dented for he hasn’t really used it.

Kyungsoo looks at him wearily, before tipping the cup to his mouth and sipping the spicy soup. He hisses.

Chanyeol smirks, “It’s cereal for the morning, then cup noodles at night. It can’t be good, honestly.” His eyes dart onto a liter of milk in a blue and white carton. “Seriously, a new box of milk? That quick?” He swears it was a green and white box he saw last Saturday.

“Fuck off,” Kyungsoo scowls.

Chanyeol gapes. That’s the first time his roommate has talked to him. He must’ve ground his gears. So he makes up for it by saying, “Not that I’m nitpicking your diet. Just thought I’d give my two cents.” He waits for an answer but Kyungsoo just frowns while chewing the noodles. He adds, “And thank you for finally speaking to me.”

Thirty minutes later, Chanyeol lifts his stare from his pad paper to the window in front. The thin fabric of the curtain hardly veils its dusty panes and rusty screen. Aloud he spoke, “I know you stole the milk.”

It takes a moment before Kyungsoo realizes it was him that Chanyeol was referring to. He raises his head and blankly stares at Chanyeol.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you,” he promises. “I’ve been telling you that I smoke, but I haven’t been summoned to the principal’s office. So that’s fair, huh?”

Then, he hears Kyungsoo sniff. A sniffle follows. His shoulders tremble. The next thing Chanyeol knows, tears are running down his roommate’s face. 

A mix of confusion and fear falls through Chanyeol’s face. Was he wrong? He didn’t think his words would leave his roommate in shambles. But he comprehends his despair. He found out something he should have never known. “D-don’t cry... really, nothing terrible is going to happen. I maybe talkative around you but that’s because I trust you. I won’t feed you to the dogs, my mouth will be zipped.”

Kyungsoo wipes the tears off his cheeks with his soft, pink knuckles. He sobs.

“I don’t ruin people’s lives just for the heck of it,” Chanyeol assures his roommate.

 

 

 

Kai is roused by the knock on his car door. He tidies the drool on his steering wheel with a rag from the glove compartment. He fell into a nap, exhausted from the baseball practice. He unlocks the door and Krystal gets in, carrying a bag of Adidas sneakers.

“Sorry, I let you wait. I changed the shoes last minute, and had to fall in line at the cashier again,” she admitted sheepishly. She always takes time with her decisions when it comes to style. See what suits her better. “But you offered to pick me up, so it’s your fault.”

Kai locks the doors and windows again, and inserts the key into the ignition. He turns it and says, “It’s ok, I had a good nap.” The engine revs to life and the car rolls out of the parking lot.

Krystal fastens her seatbelt and looks around. She glances at the rear view mirror, where a periwinkle evergreen tree-shaped cardboard hangs. Scent of lavender assaults her nose. “It’s not bad.”

The first thing Kai did when he turned eighteen was to get a driver’s license. It took some time, but his father finally bought him his red Buick. Krystal is the first person to ride it. “I can take you anywhere you want now,” he giggles.

Later, he parks his car at the designated parking lot in the campus. It’s almost seven-thirty in the evening. The pathways are dappled with the ruddy glow of the lampposts. Kai holds Krystal’s wrist before she clutches the latch of the car door.

“Spare me a moment,” he begs and pulls something bulky out of his thigh pocket.

Krystal’s forehead creases. “What’s that?”

Kai flips the leather wallet open. He pulls out a yellow bandage strip from the clear compartment, and raises it against the light for Krystal to see. “Isn’t this Seulgi’s?”

Krystal grabs the bandage strip, and runs her thumb over the Pikachu print. “It’s not rare, but I’ve only ever seen Seulgi wear this in school.” She gives the strip back to Kai, who stashes it back to its place.

“See, that’s the first thing that came to my mind when I picked up this wallet,” Kai says. “The cards tell me it’s owned by Bae Joohyun. Yeah, I know this girl.” He looks at the passport photo again: Joohyun with her hair down, unsmiling. “Does she know Seulgi?”

“Joohyun?” Krystal repeats. She hasn’t seen her since they clawed at each other. “I haven’t told you, but we fought. Bare hands. Seulgi saw us and stopped it. Maybe that’s why she has that.” It’s unsurprising for Seulgi to be kind, even to a girl that provoked her girlfriend into a brawl.

Kai breathes sharply. “So that’s it.” His tone is laced with disappointment.

“You met me over this?” Krystal scoffs. “Why, were you hoping something was going on between them?”

Kai licks his lips and snorts. “Perhaps.”

“Really?” Krystal asks, incredulous. Joohyun, of all people. Seulgi won’t bat an eye to an unruly girl. She isn’t her type, Krystal believes as much. “Stop this foolishness. Also, I’m not going to break up with Seulgi out of pity.”

All his life, he’s never really pondered upon the pain words could inflict. He feels a dull ache in his chest. Was he really pathetic, asking to be pitied?

There hasn’t been anyone he’s loved like Krystal. She sat beside him during freshman orientation, and he instantly got struck by the cupid’s arrow. She’s beautiful, but had a distant aura about her which drew him in even more. They met again at lunch, when he returned her handkerchief that she left on her chair. She invited him and Sehun to join her and Jinri. And they’ve been like that since.

But he’s been a coward, always waiting for the perfect timing, which unfortunately came when she was already taken.

“Not even out of guilt?” Kai throws back.

This prompts Krystal to unlock the latch and push the car door open, clenching her teeth. She tells him, “Better return that wallet soon” before slamming the door with a thud.

 

 

 

Junmyeon swings the darts club room open, laboriously breathing, bathed in perspiration.

Joohyun comes running in after, tied hair swishing behind, then collapses on the floor, her chest swelling and shrinking, hairline and nape slick with sweat. Her legs feel wobbly.

Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Tao follow, inhaling deeply through their noses, then exhaling sharply through their mouths. Polo shirts clinging to their moist skin.

“Bon appetit,” says Junmyeon, sardonic, hoisting Joohyun up with a hand clamped on her arm.

The group bursts into a chorus of titters and laughter. Joohyun throws her head back cackling. She high-fives Chanyeol, his nose scrunching in glee. Junmyeon wipes the sweat glistening on his forehead while giggling. Baekhyun slaps his thigh. Tao smirks at the side, closing the door.

“Impeccable acting,” Junmyeon compliments, staring at Baekhyun and Tao. “It really lured the tea girls out of their lair.” He reaches for the fan on the wall and turns it on, pulling a string twice.

Baekhyun puts an arm over Tao, quips, “Where’s our Oscars?”

“I had to act too, you know,” Chanyeol clucks his tongue. “I had to slink behind Wendy and Sana, ask them as if I didn’t know what’s going on. They were too distracted, fearful that someone may get punched in the face but Tao was just holding onto the collar of Baekhyun’s shirt, growling. It was damn funny but I held it. I had to buy time for Joohyun.”

“The lie worked for the clerk. She believed I was a tea club member and that I had to get something I stored in the kitchen,” Joohyun shrugs, and slumps to a chair. “I had access to the kitchen then to the pantry. I didn’t have to sweat it.”

“Just in time before someone told on the principal about the fighting and the crowd dispersed,” Junmyeon pipes in. Hence they ran for their life to reach the club room.

It’s their first time since year twelve commenced. A harmless, inconspicuously executed prank. A mess enough to cause a fuss, but not enough to get mired in detention. Their plans aren’t guaranteed to work out each time, but their motto is to just do it, a la Nike slogan.

Joohyun stretches her arms and exclaims, “This is a good kick! I feel alive!”

“Do you think we’re gonna get called to the principal’s office?” Tao asks, hoarding the air from the fan. Letting his skin cool.

“Pfft,” Chanyeol snorts. “For what, for putting on a show?” He pops a mint candy into his mouth. “Nobody even threw a fake punch.”

“The worst that could happen is that we’re blacklisted by the tea party club,” Junmyeon cites. “That is, if they ever figure it out.”

“Sounds sweet,” Baekhyun comments, pulling a chair beside Joohyun and lifting a leg on the back of her chair, to which she shoves away with a glare. He chuckles. “Or should I say  _taste_ _s_ sweet? Tastes like victory. We’re prank gods.”

They laugh at the remark, before they fall silent.

“Anyway, Taeyong approached me and asked if we’re good for a game of League on Friday night,” announces Junmyeon, wrestling the south window open. The rusty hinges creak. It’s stuffy and humid in the room, he noticed. “Bet is 10,000-won per player.”

“Jesus,” Chanyeol gasps. “How can they afford that much to gamble? I heard they lost last Friday against a bunch of college freshmen. And still owes them. Where will he get the money?”

Tao puckers his lips, deep in thought. Opines, “Maybe that’s why they want us. Hoping they’d crush us again.”

“They just got lucky the last time,” Baekhyun says, miffed. “It’s insulting they think we’re weaklings, and can easily mooch money off us. We’ll show them.”

“That’s decided, then,” Junmyeon concludes.

“Can I bet on a game of darts, too?” Joohyun chimes in. “If I win against the four of you, you have to take me to a good barbecue place this evening.” There’s still no sign of her wallet. She’ll have to pull through today, ask her parents later to send her allowance tomorrow, and explain she lost a fuck ton of her supposedly week’s allowance.

“Alright,” Chanyeol concedes, tone raised, amused. “If we win you’ll pay half of our League bet. The four of us. You okay with that?” he dares.

Joohyun confidently nods. Arches a brow and says, “I’ve been  _hungry_ , I want to win this so bad.” Though her intended pun goes over their heads. She hasn’t told any of them about her situation, just in case they try to pool lunch money for her. It’s a burden she deems unnecessary.

“Something going on with you?” asks Chanyeol, scratching the back of his ear.

Joohyun stares at him, unflinching, and replies, “Nothing.”

 

 

 

Joy waltzes in the club room a beat late. When the skirmish was over, and the onlookers went on with their business. She catches Wendy transferring the china teapot from the counter to the tabletop. Sana is busy preparing the table.

“You both are always the first ones to arrive. Always readying the room for snack time,” Joy acknowledges. “Sorry about that. I had to go with Minho to the library first. By the way, did anything happen?” She saw a few students murmuring, and the principal leaving the hallway outside with a grumpy look on her face.

Wendy groans, out of disbelief. “Tao and Baekhyun were fighting outside. I can’t even tell what it was about. They were sort of yelling, and when Sana and I came out to witness they were already surrounded by other students from the cafeteria, that I couldn’t even see. They were urging them to actually hit each other. Crazy.”

“Someone decent went to the principal to break the news of the incident,” Sana adds, “And when she came everyone scrambled to their feet and fled. It was kinda funny.”

Joy takes a seat. Jokes, “Is the blue moon coming soon? Seems like they’re at it again.”

“You know  _them_ , they’re always bored. At each other’s faces, probably. Spending too much time with the same people can be suffocating,” Wendy mocks, pulling a chair across Joy.

“Just the three of us?” Sana wonders, reading the wall clock. It’s almost half past three in the afternoon.

Joy sighs, “It’s almost exam week. They’re either studying or catching up with the deadlines.”

“We have a tray of chocolate chip cookies to consume. Let’s just split it into the three of us, take it home,” Wendy suggests. Hopefully, some students will come by, but it’s rarely the case. She then sips her tea. Her face contorts.

“Can’t stand it’s bitterness?” Joy questions, also pouring herself a cup of black tea.

Sana heads to the kitchen to retrieve the baked cookies.

“It’s not bitter. It’s  _sweet_ ,” Wendy describes, dumbfounded.

Joy drinks and coarse grains of sugar fills her tongue. “It’s  _too_  sweet. Why would you put sugar on our tea?”

Wendy takes offense at the accusation. Tries to find the words and argues, “I have never put sugar on our tea, I swear. I’m sure I only scooped out the contents from the black tea jar.” She stands and pads to the counter. She opens the jar and sniffs it. “Nothing wrong with this bunch.”

“What’s wrong?” Sana asks, perplexed. She’s holding the hot tray of cookies, both hands protected with a yellow potholder. She lays it on the table.

“The black tea is sweet,” Joy answers.

Sana fills a cup with the tea, and sips. She grimaces. “This is absurdly sweet. Like it’s saturated with sugar. I can even feel the lumps on my tongue.”

Petrified, Wendy dawns on a realization, “Oh god.” She takes off her glasses. Blood rushes up to her face.

“What?” Joy asks, worried more than curious.

“We got pranked by  _them_ ,” Wendy articulates, leaning back on the counter. She laughs, so hard that her shoulders are shaking.

Sana joins in.

Joy palms her face.

 

 

 

Joohyun’s fist aches. She’s crouched over, pounding the side of the vending machine. It’s already six in the evening, and almost everyone except for athletes who have practices are left in school. She bites her lip, frustrated at the packaged cup of noodles tilting into a drop, yet clinging to its holder.

“Did it get stuck?” puzzles someone behind her.

Her shoulders jump in surprise. She looks up and sees Seulgi standing behind her. Not again, she thinks.

“I inserted a bill and it’s not spitting it out,” Joohyun lies. She lost her bet with the boys. No dinner tonight, and has to subtract 20,000-won from her allowance to be wired tomorrow. How she manages to dig herself a deeper grave, she doesn’t know.

“Really?” Seulgi asks. She hunches over. Hits the vending machine, but softly. As if it’s made of chalk, and not of galvanized steel.

Joohyun bats her lashes, marveling at Seulgi’s side profile. Lost to the idea of her fingertips touching her jawline. She blinks back the thought when Seulgi turns to look at her, offering to buy her the cup noodles.

She moves away, and loses her balance. Seulgi pulls her back before she lands on her ass.

“Alright,” Joohyun gulps, wrenching her hand away from the athlete’s clutches. 

Seulgi feeds bills into the machine. A cup noodles pops out. Then, a bottle of Gatorade. Loose change clinks once dispensed. She hands Joohyun the noodles, and keeps her drink. Unscrews the cap and swallows half of it in one go.

Joohyun’s stomach growls.

“Hungry?” asks Seulgi, though she knows the answer. She finds Joohyun preoccupied, unable to think straight. “Don’t lie to me. I can buy you dinner.”

“No, thanks,” Joohyun insists. Though her gut is curling and boiling.

Seulgi chuckles, like there’s anything profoundly funny. “‘No, thanks.’ You always say that to me. I’m not even asking for a payback. I just want to help.”

The roving security guard finds them and urges them to leave the premises. They run to the exit, loud steps echoing along the hall. Joohyun shivers at the cold. It’s twenty-two degrees outside. Leaves sway with the wind. Seulgi puts a folded bill in Joohyun’s breast pocket.

“I don’t know what it is you’re afraid of,” says Seulgi. Cold wind bites her nose. “It can’t be Krystal. You’re not afraid of her.”

Joohyun lowers her head. Kicks a pebble. A bird takes flight before it is hit. She lets the statement hang in the air. She takes a glimpse of Seulgi, who’s brooding. Maybe someday, she’ll understand. Right now, she doesn’t know.

“Let’s head back to the dormitory,” Seulgi beckons.

Joohyun shakes her head. “No, you go ahead. I... I have something else to do.”

But that was another lie, of course. Her heart races. At the moment, she’s afraid.

 

 

 

Outside the dormitory, just beside the front porch, and just where the lights hit the tip of his shoes, Kai leans against the wall. Joohyun’s wallet bulging in his pocket. He’s been waiting for almost thirty minutes now. Seulgi has passed by, bade him a greeting. 

He checks his watch. Six-forty. Perhaps another day, he decides.

He leaves. The path back to the school building is lined with weed. Grasses poking above ground, green and long. A meter away there’s the cafeteria, brightly lit. Dormers in plainclothes come and go. When he walks by, he stares through the glass walls. Then, he spots Joohyun, eating a meal alone. He goes inside.

“What,” Joohyun mutters, sizing him up and down. Another friend of Krystal’s. How ominous.

Kai sits across her. Grins like he forgot to. “I’m Kai.”

“I know.” She sips from her glass of water, washing down the food. Burp rumbles out of her throat, thunderously, like she hasn’t filled her stomach for days.

Kai is caught off guard. Too crass for a girl. He chuckles, unsure of how to react to it. He thinks she’s really beautiful, much more up close. Her personality’s totally left field from her appearance, though.

He fishes out the wallet, and slides it toward her. “I’ve been looking for you to return this.”

Joohyun gasps, shocked. “Unreal,” she exclaims, holding her wallet up. She inspects its contents and finds everything still in tact. “T-thank you.”

“No problem,” he says. He actually picked it from her pocket when she was in queue at the water dispenser the other day at lunch. He went up behind her. Before that, they were beside each other in the line at the counter. His wandering eyes caught the bandage strip when she pulled out cash to pay for her lunch. That gave him the idea.

“It really is a big deal to me,” Joohyun gushes, visibly overjoyed. “I can’t stand another day of cup noodles.”

Kai silently laughs. But he doesn’t want to beat around the bush anymore. “Are you friends with Seulgi?”

Joohyun panics, then purses her lips. Pondering if it’s a trick question. But before she opens her mouth Kai interjects, “Saw the bandage strip. It’s very particular.”  _Why are you keeping such an inconsequential item?_  he wanted to ask, but keeps the thought to himself.

“Oh,” she realizes. Blush smears across her cheeks. “We’re kind of.”

“Here’s a tip,” he says, locking gaze with hers. “I don’t know Seulgi’s friends. In fact, I don’t know that much about her, unlike what you perhaps think. But since you’re here, and I’m here, I’ll say it. Stay close to her, and protect her.”

Joohyun furrows her brows. “Why?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

Joohyun is suddenly nervous. She feels her heart go frantic, like it would burst like a flooded dam on a heavy storm. “What is it?”

“Krystal’s cheating on her,” Kai whispers. A smirk subtly passes up his lips.

“What?!” Joohyun couldn’t believe what she heard. Her ears are ringing.

“You heard what you heard,” Kai iterates. “But remember, that’s a secret. I know the time will arrive for the comeuppance of her wrongdoing, but it is not up to you. I tell you this, and you owe me to seal your mouth shut.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” she asks, furious.

“I told you. Be a friend Seulgi can depend upon, when the time comes,” Kai answers. “Because things are going to get ugly.”

Kai walks away, leaving Joohyun thoroughly confused.

 


	6. Tight-lipped and troubled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because of Kai's revelation, Joohyun is having a hard time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mature content; there's gonna be a dry ass smut in this chapter

 

It’s distraught and anger, all at once.

Joohyun’s under the blanket, staring drowsily at the sheet of paper with a list of illegible physics formulas, taped to the underside of the upper bunk. She uncurls her toes after a good ten minutes has passed. Trying to distract herself from the unwarranted revelation.

She could just shrug it off, bury in the deep recesses of her mind, forget about it, then move on. Cut ties with Seulgi sooner. But here she is, muddled with a problem that isn’t hers. It’s all stranger than fiction. Sometimes, really, there is comfort in not knowing.

She pulls a pillow and slaps it atop her face. She screams.

“Are you alright?” Wendy asks, softly slamming the door behind her shut. Maybe it’s one of those days. She can’t tell with her roommate, who seems to be just bouncing back and forth within frustration and disappointment with the things happening to her.

Like one day, Joohyun’s badly hurt. The next, she comes into the room crying. Another, she just lies down the bed, crestfallen, before wolfing down two packs of cup noodles in one sitting. And now, she’s muffling her screams with a pillow. Wendy never gets clued in.

A company is just what she needs. Joohyun throws the pillow to the side and sits up on her bed, the blanket sheet uncovering her torso and falling to her lap. Without an ounce of shame replies, “I am.”

Wendy snorts, knowing well that she’s lying. “Stressed out? You know, you don’t have to hide anything from me. I don’t find you fine at all, to be honest. You’ve been a little turbulent the past few days.” She saunters to her desk and places her bag on it, rifling through its contents.

“It’s just mood swings, don’t worry,” Joohyun argues.

“Do you want some cookies?” offers Wendy, stretching a hand clutching a plastic bag of pastry to her roommate.

Joohyun picks a piece and nibbles on it. Its flavor is rich, and different from the mouth-numbingly sweet ones from the cafeteria. “Did you bake this?”

“Sort of,” Wendy says. “I tried to mix the formulation in the cafeteria kitchen during lunch, then asked the cook to mold it and heat it in the oven for me. I just missed doing it, so I went out of my way to bake.”

Joohyun coyly glances at Wendy before saying, “It’s delicious.”

“You can have some more, if you like,” Wendy urges. “By the way, did your friends stage a fight outside the cafeteria this afternoon?”

It was a random thing they planned during lunch. Baekhyun pitched the idea, and the rest agreed. Just a bit of fun, shake the table, and wake them up from the slumber hours of class have dipped them into. With them, trouble has always been the solution.

“Why... do you think so?” Joohyun quizzes, undaunted. Among all the things they’ve done, it was just one of those fender-bender pranks. Nothing too serious. They’ve set the smoke alarm off before, causing a frenzy in school, and the sole reason why the admin invested in surveillance cameras.

Wendy replies, “Because our tea _got_ sweet.”

Joohyun covers her mouth, giggling. Amused at the thought of the tea girls finding their sugar-free tea filled with sugar. “Peculiar.”

“It sounds funny, right?” Wendy grins, though not her eyes. “Joy found out that you went in the pantry. The cook told her.”

“Are you guys mad?” Joohyun asks, alarmed by the stiffness of Wendy’s expression.

Mad would be an understatement. They had to pour their tea into the sink, down the drain. Waste of resources, and time. It should’ve been a nice afternoon drinking from a warm cup of tea, holding more conversations among the members (Jisoo and Rosé arrived a little later), but they just decided to split and call the day off.

“Joy appealed to the principal to punish your group for tampering with our property, and disruption.”

“Oh,” Joohyun mutters, the cookie snapping in her hand.

 

 

 

“We’re taking this side,” Joohyun insists, pointing to the west lot at the back of the school building, where a lone sycamore tree stands. It’s past three o’clock on a Thursday afternoon, and her skin’s burning against the harsh sunlight. She pulls Chanyeol close to her.

The principal did summon them to her office. Junmyeon said it was just a friendly prank, and Mrs Lee answered back sarcastically that _yeah, they did take it as friendly_ before waving a sheet of incident report to his face. This induced snickers from the other four until the principal slammed a hand to shut them up.

Basically, they were threatened to be kicked out if they dared doing anything of the sort again. Mrs Lee marked it to be their first offense. Ordered them to skip the last two periods of class to trim grasses and pull out wild weeds at the back of the building.

“Aye, whatever, lovebirds,” Baekhyun teases. Somehow he can’t believe that Chanyeol isn’t into Joohyun despite their closeness.

Chanyeol raises a middle finger.

“Come on, just let them be,” Junmyeon pleads, patting Baekhyun lightly on the shouler.

So they part, bringing along the tools with them.

Joohyun cuts the grass with a sharp grass shear. She works on patches of grass little by little. Snip, snip, snip. “I ought to have asked for a scythe if it’s taking this long to trim these itchy leaves.” She scratches her arm. It goes pink.

“It’s a punishment, not farming class,” Chanyeol quips, digging into the soil with a trowel. He plucks then chucks the weed to a cart. “We’re going to be breaking our backs for this.”

When twenty minutes pass, Chanyeol pinches a wriggling earthworm in between his fingers and shows it to Joohyun. She squeals, moves back, and falls on her butt. Chanyeol laughs, before crushing it with his shoe. Joohyun hits him on the arm repeatedly.

A tad later, they hide under the shade of the tree. Joohyun wipes the sweat under her chin with her forearm, because her hands are sprinkled with dirt. Her cheeks are bright red. She begins, “I want to give up on our deal.”

A breeze gently blows and cools Chanyeol’s skin. He doesn’t think about it much and says, “Okay.”

“Maybe aiming for Jinri isn’t such a good idea,” Joohyun tells him. She thinks about the secret Kai divulged to her. And the fact that he isn’t doing anything about it and let’s Krystal get away with it. Who knows what twisted things they choose to overlook, and never address. “You’re a good guy. A good friend. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Chanyeol pulls his brows together, baffled. “Are you looking down on Jinri because she’s a slut?”

“What? No—”

He hits the toe of his shoe on the ground. Soil particles fly in the air. He interrupts sternly, “You haven’t even talked to her to claim that. I know, I’m a wuss for making such a ridiculous ultimatum but if you _did_ become friends with her, you’d have liked her. She’d also gain my trust through you.” He pauses to glare at Joohyun, to make her feel his indignance. Plucks the courage to finally admit, “I don’t want to be just one of the guys she sleeps with.”

“I’m not saying she is the kind of person who will hurt you,” Joohyun tries to explain. “It’s complicated. We don’t really know her, or her friends. And you yourself know that I always want the best for you. Nothing less.”

Back in middle school, Joohyun had peeped into the rampant bullying Chanyeol has been subjugated to: at the back of the gym, under the staircase, and even in front of the teachers, through threatening cues and gestures. Chanyeol never fought back nor protested when he got bossed around. It takes for Joohyun to maddeningly shriek and throw pebbles at the bullies for him to be finally rid of them. Since then, Chanyeol has been glued to Joohyun’s side, and nobody ever dared to make him cry again.

“You’re not making sense at all, Hyun-ah,” he states, huffing. “You think Jinri won’t hurt me, yet you advise me to stay away from her.”

Joohyun scrunches her eyes tight, and sighs. Her shoulders heave. It’s a headache. He’ll never understand her concern, not unless she gets real honest about it. But she swore to Kai she’ll never tell anybody.

“Whatever, do what you want,” Joohyun decides, annoyed more than she lets on. “Don’t come crying to me when the time comes.”

 

 

 

Seulgi plants a kiss on Krystal’s forehead, then on the tip of her nose, and finally on the lips.

She’s kneeled over, a knee between the cheerleader’s splayed legs, a hand kneading a breast covered only with a laced brassiere, while the other hand presses on the shoulder blade. Krystal softly moans in her mouth, her fingers sink onto the fabric of Seulgi’s blouse. They deeply kiss for a good twenty seconds, before Krystal pauses to catch her breath. Seulgi nips her girlfriend’s lower lip.

“I’ve been very frustrated because we haven’t been doing this,” Krystal says, tucking stray hairs behind her girlfriend’s ear.

Seulgi smooches her on the lip. “Sorry, I wasn’t in the mood lately.”

They both have no practices today, so Krystal dragged Seulgi to her dormitory room after class dismissal. To their luck, it’s empty.

“I love you,” Krystal purrs, her eyes half-lidded. Maybe she was wrong about Seulgi getting cold. Maybe Seulgi just needed space. “I didn’t really intend to nag you, I swear. I wish I could have been a lot more thoughtful, and unselfish. It might have been hard for you,” she jabbers.

Seulgi snickers and presses a finger on her lip. “Shh, it’s alright now.”

“Don’t you laugh at me for being apologetic—”

Seulgi aims for her girlfriend’s lips again to keep her from yapping. Shoves her tongue deep, and kisses ardently. She then grazes Krystal’s jaw with her warm and damp lips, then buries her nose into the crook of her neck. Krystal has a floral smell, but different. “New perfume?” she asks, before sucking and licking the soft skin of her neck.

“Uh... no?” Krystal answers.

About an hour ago, Kai pulled her back into his car to talk about what transpired between him and Joohyun. Told her Seulgi and Joohyun aren’t really friends after all. He said to be wary of Joohyun, nevertheless. She just scoffed at him.

Seulgi trails kisses from her girlfriend’s neck down to and across her collarbones. She squeezes Krystal’s left boob again. The cheerleader gasps in pleasure. Warm, moist breath over her skin. Then, the other hand fumbles to the small of Krystal’s back. Seulgi unhooks her bra and throws it to the side. Krystal giggles, then moans again when she feels her perky right nipple taken into the other’s mouth.

“Ungh... Seulgi...” groans Krystal, her girlfriend passionately working to arouse her even more through her plump breasts. Her body twitches as Seulgi sucks one of it. Krystal sees nothing but stars. She’s been deprived of Seulgi for quite long, that right now everything makes up for it.

Seulgi slithers her other hand from the shoulders down to Krystal’s skirt. She pinches her inner thigh. Krystal breathes raggedly. Seulgi rubs a thumb on the skin of her thigh back and forth, all the while her other hand continues palming Krystal’s breast. Krystal sighs.

Then, she goes back to reach Krystal’s lips, before whispering, “I won’t be around tomorrow evening.”

“Why?” Krystal asks.

Seulgi pushes her hand up to her girlfriend’s drenched knickers and cups it. Answers, “I have an appointment, with a friend.”

“Who is it?” Krystal questions after she whimpers, her wet mound throbbing. She knows Seulgi has her own set of friends, but she’s never been vague about it. Although at least she gets wind of it, so it’s all good.

Seulgi leans into her ear and softly says, “Does it matter?” Then she nibbles Krystal’s earlobe and drags a finger along the sides of the flesh between her legs.

“Right, it doesn’t,” concurs the cheerleader, before her hips jerk to a pair of fingers thrusting through the insides of her core. She moans loudly, back arching, feeling both pleasure and torture as Seulgi pulls her fingers in and out at a slow pace.

“Fuck, Seulgi!” Krystal screams with rapture.

Seulgi kisses her lips again.

“Just do it. I can’t take it anymore,” begs Krystal hungrily, searing at Seulgi’s deft touch.

And as a dutiful girlfriend, Seulgi obeys her plea.

 

 

 

“I can’t stand seeing you eat another pack of noodles,” Chanyeol admits, laying down packed dinner of rice and fried chicken on top of Kyungsoo’s desk. He came from the cafeteria to buy food for two.

The guy freezes. His wide, round eyes fall upon Chanyeol, unblinking.

“The exams are coming soon,” adds Chanyeol, plopping to his chair. “It’s not rocket science that it’s hard to study on a half-empty stomach.”

Out of the hundred twenty students in their class, Kyungsoo actually ranks within the top thirty. He’s a bit aloof, so hardly anyone notices that he’s one of the academically smarter students from their year.

Kyungsoo tries to give it back but the taller guy shoves it back to him, together with a dismissing hand. The befuddled guy resigns with a _thank you_ , sloppily mumbling the words but nevertheless makes Chanyeol relieved. Not all his classmates are privileged, so he reckons Kyungsoo might just be in a financial bind.

“My ears are always wide open, you know, for your troubles,” he offers, picking apart the plastic spoon and fork then digging into his meal. He watches Kyungsoo do the same, with his hunger apparent that half of his dinner is consumed within two minutes.

Despite the offer, it’s Chanyeol who ends up talking.

“I hate Joohyun,” the tall guy then grouses. He chugs water from his canteen. “She says she’s not doing the deal anymore and told me it’s a bad idea to pursue Jinri. Like what kind of friend does that? I tell you, that’s an unsupportive friend.”

Kyungsoo swallows his food, and nods, listening intently to what Chanyeol is saying.

“I have always adored her as a big sister but sometimes it’s just too much, you know?” he goes on, in between munching of the food. “Ah, really, why is she doing this to me? I’m so ticked off, even when she told me to do what I want.”

“Maybe... she likes... you?” Kyungsoo drawls, pokerfaced, like he just merely commented on the weather.

Chanyeol puts down the utensils and rubs his arms. “I’m getting goosebumps. Seriously, that’s _ridiculous_. It’s like incest. I mean, it’s not impossible, I’m a handsome guy,” he winks before he proceeds with, “But still, that’s taboo. Also, Junmyeon would strangle me. That guy wants to marry Joohyun in the near future; that is, if he grows enough balls to profess his love to her.”

Both of them laugh at that, like it’s something they’ve always shared between them.

“Hey, maybe you can join our club,” suggests Chanyeol, hellbent on the idea out of the blue. “Just drop by, I’ll sign you in. We haven’t really had new recruits. I just feel like I can take care of you like a big brother. I have a good feeling that we’ll be friends for a very long time.”

Coming from a middle-class family, Chanyeol has always been sheltered and showered with love. Without siblings, his parents’ attention had been completely on him. As a kid, he was let indoors more often. They panicked when he scratched his knee playing tag at five years old. He had a haul of toys—robots, jigsaw puzzles, remote-controlled cars, and character figurines. Hardly did he have anybody to play with.

At school, he’s been gangly and meek. He tried not to get mired in trouble to not make his parents worry. He survived grade school unscathed, but it was different when he reached middle school. Boys were meaner, and always felt the need to show off their superiority. They always looked for serious trouble, and he unfortunately wound up in it.

It hasn’t been that long since Joohyun saved him from that awful situation, and he’s always been grateful.

“Sure, I’d visit when I get the time,” Kyungsoo smiles. The expression changes his aura drastically: from a bored office worker to a beaming schoolboy with a lunch packed by his mum.

“So you do have more than one expression you wear on your face, eh?” Chanyeol gibes.

 

 

 

Friday.

Joohyun’s huddled with her friends right outside the school building after class. Waiting for Minseok Kim, the fifth player. She pulls out a wad of cash for the bet she lost, slapping it on Junmyeon’s palm with feigned annoyance. Tells them, “You better win that for me, you squandering asshats.”

“Don’t worry madam, with your blessing, we’d leave those boys begging in the streets,” Baekhyun replies haughtily, arm over Junmyeon’s shoulder. He knows that although Joohyun highly disapproves their bout of League, she cannot do anything but support them anyway.

“Where are you heading off to, huh?” Chanyeol asks, surveying her in a bonnet, big ears poking out. Lengthy hair down. She never wears her hair untied.

Joohyun tugs at the cuff of her hoodie, feeling a little conscious, and rebuts, “Mind your own business.”

“Funny you say that,” he counters, recalling their argument yesterday. He raises a brow to say, _Ha! Owned you._

Joohyun hisses through her teeth and kicks him the shin. He yelps. The three other boys snicker. She bids them goodbye with a smug grin, before leaving them on their own.

 

 

 

The twenty-minute trip was agonizingly long.

They ignored each other at the bus stop, to make their meeting further inconspicuous. When the bus arrived, passengers—mostly restless and boisterous high school students like them—quickly filled in the seats. They stood beside each other, grabbing onto the straps hanging off the rails on the ceiling.

They did not talk nor acknowledge each other.

Joohyun stared outside through the window, spaced out. Seulgi is much more alert and aware, that when she noticed a guy behind Joohyun kept unnecessarily pushing forward, she pulled the clueless girl closer beside her. “Don’t move,” Seulgi had whispered before Joohyun could protest. It made it a little awkward for them, but Joohyun had a comfortable and secure space provided by the athlete inside the crowded bus.

 

 

 

“What was that?” Joohyun asks as soon as they hop off the bus. Three more students disembark with them, though they immediately went on their merry way. The bus drives away, to its next stop.

Seulgi fixes her blue coat uniform, before calmly answering, “The guy behind you was… a little troubling. He kept on pushing against you.”

Joohyun scowls, clenches a fist beside her skirt, and rants, “Oh, you should’ve told me so that I could’ve kicked him sideways and crushed his face.”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t,” Seulgi explains, a big smile on her face. It was a vague incident though, since the vehicle was packed, and it might not have been prudent to assault the guy.

“Anyway, karma will surely get him,” Joohyun swears then summons, “Come on, follow me.”

 

 

 

It’s past five in the afternoon when they arrive at the middle school where Joohyun studied. She first goes to the cafeteria and treats Seulgi to an ice popsicle. After that, they stroll to the playground that is completely vacated, tongues stained red licking the popsicle.

Dust cakes the soles of their shoes. The playground is small; the slide is flanked by the swings and see-saw. Beyond the wide expanse of the barren lot is an improvised soccer field. Oak and ginkgoes line the perimeter, their saffron, gold, and brown leaves drop to the ground.

Joohyun sits in one of the swings, and gazes up. She particularly loves the sky. She hasn’t really been able to look up at it lately. It’s one of the few things that she thinks is beautiful, along with the color purple. It is also the color of the sky at the moment, which is slowly fading along into the dusk.

Seulgi quietly observes her at the side. It’s the first time she catches Joohyun subdued, tranquil, and radiant. Her eyes sparkling like distant stars. As if it’s a wholly different person that’s with her right now.

“So this place really gives you peace,” Seulgi begins, cutting Joohyun from her reverie.

Joohyun blinks, then giggles, “I told you, it’s nice, right? I used to come here when I was having bad days. I’d just sit in this swing and stare at the sky, and I’d be alright.” There weren’t a lot of students who fancied the area, thought they’re too old for it. And Joohyun liked having it for herself.

“Do you love riding the swing?” interviews Seulgi, curious.

“I do! It’s been long since I rode in one.”

Then, Seulgi moves around her and stops behind. Joohyun questions “What are you doi—”, cut off by her ear-piercing shrieks as the swing seat is pushed forward. She grips the handle hard. Her hair swishes along, her skirt fluttering, wind snapping against her face. She laughs, so loud, like nothing she has ever laughed before, and like a child getting tickled on the sole of their feet. She swings back and forth—up, up high where she could reach the sky, and down, down low where she can feel the ground beneath.

After that Joohyun pants, her breath cold and dry, her cheeks warm, her hair disheveled and matted into her beanie.

“You… why did you do that,” Joohyun jokingly chides.

Before Seulgi can react, she finds herself carrying her legs forward, running away from Joohyun who’s chasing her. Though Joohyun is lithe, Seulgi is much faster. They circle the vicinity, hurtling around like kids, both of them cracking up at the utter silliness of their play.

Seulgi subsequently runs for the see-saw, skipping around it, almost hitting herself on one of the seats, then climbs up the steep stairs of the slide. Upon reaching the top she abruptly sets down, but Joohyun catches up and pushes her down before she can properly put her other leg in place, so she slips and tumbles down the slide. She hugs her knees, curls, and rolls on the dust.

Joohyun slides down in panic, calling out her name, “Seulgi! Seulgi!”

Seulgi is crouched down, coat soiled with dirt, perspiring. Her shoulders quiver as she lets out a cackle. Joohyun kneels beside her and hoists her upper body. She covers her mouth with a hand and gasps. The skin on the side of Seulgi’s forehead is scraped. Joohyun touches the cut with trembling hands, and warm, bright red blood seeps into her fingertips.

“We should go,” Joohyun urges, fretting. She wipes the drop of blood on her skirt.

“I’ve rolled on the soccer field before and barely got hurt. It’s just that my head touched the ground a bit. This is nothing,” Seulgi assures, holding Joohyun’s arms, trying to calm her down. She tries to be collected, though she herself is astounded by the turn of events.

“Not to me. Let’s go to the comfort room and clean the wound,” Joohyun insists, lifting the other up as she stands. She’s relieved nothing grave happened. She checks Seulgi’s knees and finds a scratch in one.

They leave the place in haste—Joohyun fraught with worry, and Seulgi still reeling from shock, a bit lightheaded.

 

 

 

They find the nearest convenience store to purchase a small bottle of rubbing alcohol, a pack of cotton, and strips of band-aids. Also paid for a cheap meal for dinner. Outside they find a table to occupy. The street is sparse with people. Dim lights illuminate the road.

Joohyun sidles up her chair to Seulgi’s, then lifts the girl’s chin with a hand. “Bear with me,” she says, before dabbing a wad of cotton soaked with alcohol on the scratch. Seulgi doesn’t wince, but just warmly stares at Joohyun who’s absorbed in what she’s doing.

“I didn’t know you had this side to you,” confesses Seulgi, not looking away.

Bashful, Joohyun blushes, then presses the bandage strip on the wound, into almost a smack.

“Ow,” Seulgi complains, the nick stinging, then caresses her forehead gently. “I wasn’t even teasing you.”

Joohyun drags the chair back, across from her. She digs into her rice topped with burger steak. It tastes bland and unsavory for a meat, but it’s not like she expected any better. Seulgi watches her for a while before consuming her own meal. They both finish their dinners in silence.

“I thought I was done for when I saw you somersault down the slide,” Joohyun croaks. She strokes her fingers, trying to relax them. It took a while before they stopped shaking. She was also squeamish, but not enough to hurl, at least.

Seulgi knocks a fist onto her chest, simpers, “I’m strong like a bear.”

“Ah, seriously, I don’t think I’ll ever touch you again.”

“Oh, c’mon lighten up, you didn’t intend that to happen,” Seulgi declares then squints, “Unless you did.”

“Har har. Stop being silly,” Joohyun retorts, pouting. “By the way, did you sneak out and didn’t tell Krystal anything?” Joohyun questions, wondering about it for a time now. It would actually be surprising if Krystal let Seulgi meet her. And to think she’s clumsily injured Seulgi. She knows that the cheerleader will be incensed.

It’s turn for Seulgi’s cheeks to flush red like tomatoes. Admits, “I did tell her, but she didn’t ask further. Doesn’t know it’s you, basically,” She still doesn’t understand why she needs to tiptoe between the two girls, but since Joohyun is uncomfortable about Krystal knowing, and to avoid any more fuss, she just proceeded with stealthily meeting Joohyun.

“Really?” Joohyun’s eyes snap wide open, in disbelief.

“Anyway, don’t worry about that,” Seulgi asserts. “Trust me, Krystal may be cranky but she’s actually nice.”

Joohyun asks, playfully, “How so?”

“I know, she looks cold but she’s actually warm,” she starts. “She makes me feel all fuzzy inside. I get butterflies in my stomach when she kisses me. It’s a giddy sort of feeling that she gives me, you know?” Her cheeks bunch up and her eyes squeeze into crescents as she smiles.

Joohyun nods, pensive. Any other day, she might have been disgusted. But she doesn’t interrupt.

“She always tries to help me and her friends, especially in schoolwork. She doesn’t let anyone of us get left behind, or struggling.” Seulgi smiles, over the moon, gathering and taking pride of the good qualities and memories she has of her girlfriend.

“She has a sharp tongue, and doesn’t mince her words. But that’s what makes her a leader. She’s passionate. I’m a leader as well, but I don’t have the same courage as her, or the heart to tell my subjects that they need to do more, that they’re still lacking, without beating around the bush.

“I like it when she smiles and she’s happy, and even when she’s mad. True, she can a bit too much at times but she’s just very open with her feelings. One of my favorite things that she does is when she just fumbles for my hand and twines it with mine. Like it just snugly fits into place.” She clasps her hands together, showing it to Joohyun with great enthusiasm.

Joohyun curls up a corner of her lip, trying to grin, feeling blue.

“And she always reminds me she loves me, and I know you wouldn’t understand, but that is very reassuring. I feel bad because I always hesitate to say I love her back. But I know that I do love her, and that—wait, are you crying?”

Joohyun sniffles, blinking back tears. The tip of her nose red. Denies, “What are you saying?”

“But you are crying?” Seulgi presses back. She can see tears glistening and welling up in Joohyun’s eyes.

Unable to suppress her sadness, Joohyun lets the tears flow and rubs it from her eyes. Sobs for a bit. Painfully conflicted about whether she’s in the place to tell her the truth. Or to just save Seulgi from the heartache, to keep her in the dark and oblivious about it, and to not take away her happiness. Perhaps, Krystal will manage to pull herself together one day and it wouldn’t be a problem anymore. And it will all go away, like it never happened.

“I’m so sorry, Seulgi,” Joohyun says, her voice cracking. Wiping her tears over and over that trickles down unbridled.

Deep down, Joohyun knows that she does not have the spine to hurt Seulgi again.

Seulgi waves a hand, lends her a tissue, and innocently replies, “No, no, it’s alright. I didn’t mean to make you sad with my sappy ramblings.”

The night ends with them parting, with Joohyun not having uttered anything. Both in the dilemma of being tight-lipped and ridding herself of guilt. She lies in bed, chest heavy. She knows she only has one choice that will set them free.

And that is the _truth_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support you all are giving this fic! I truly appreciate it!!!


	7. Half-measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joohyun and Chanyeol still wield the secrets they know by taking half-measures.

 

The dormitory is silent on Friday nights.

Chanyeol’s wobbly footsteps ring hollow in the empty halls. A fraction of the dormers returned to their homes for the weekends, and the curfew is an hour more lenient than usual. After spewing out his dinner at a street’s duct, he went back to the campus together with Baekhyun. He masked the smell of booze, vomit, and cigarette smoke with his body spray and by chewing on menthol candy.

After winning their game of League, they had a drink at a lowly food tent. Baekhyun bought the soju. He has a counterfeit identification card he uses to get away with underage drinking. Their puerile and juvenile countenance slipped right under the vendor’s nose.

In one of their conversations, they mocked the other team of students who ended up paying only half of the bet. “We’d better get Joohyun something once those punks pay what they owe,” Junmyeon suggested, to which the rest of the boys agreed.

Chanyeol tried not to get drunk. He can’t really hold his tongue when he does. He got wasted one time and he couldn’t stop mumbling Jinri, and that’s when they knew.

At eight pm, he catches his roommate practicing music with his flute.

“I’m about to pass out,” he says, sitting at the edge of the bed, bending down to remove his shoes and socks and throwing them under his bed.

“Had fun?” Kyungsoo asks. He’s in his typical sleepwear—cotton pyjamas in pastel colors. He looks at Chanyeol—watery eyes and cheeks unusually pink.

Chanyeol rasps, “It depends what constitutes fun for you.”

The owl-eyed guy doesn’t know what to respond to that. Sometimes sarcasm just goes over his head. He picks up his flute again and starts playing notes from Vivaldi’s Summer. A tune both hauntingly beautiful, vibrant, but also melancholic, of longing. Slow in some parts, rapid in some. Chanyeol listens for a good three minutes and feels moved that his eyes begin to water.

“Shit,” Chanyeol sighs, his face getting redder. “I saw them again tonight, at the parking lot.”

Kyungsoo looks up at him, clueless. He finds his roommate tipsy—an observation he makes once he fully studies Chanyeol’s face.

Chanyeol drawls, “Kai and Krystal… they… I found them kissing once. Near that fuckin’ tree where I stealthily smoke. I don’t—I think I should do something. I can’t just… bury it, can I? Jinri is going to hate me though, I’m sure. Who’s this guy coming in trying to ruin her friends? Hah! I’ve been a coward. No—all my life I’ve been a coward.” He whimpers, sad and exhausted.

“Go to sleep,” pleads Kyungsoo sternly. He deduces his roommate becomes even more of a chatterbox when drunk. Chanyeol revealing the barest of himself makes him a bit worried. All the pent-up anxiety the guy has, when he seemed as if he had no troubles at all. Despite their differences, he deeply sympathizes with him in that matter.

Burying the back of his head against the softness of his pillow, Chanyeol yawns. Says, “I should do something, right… I should… without getting my friends involved… I should do things on my own… I should…” before he falls into a deep slumber.

  

 

 

 

Joohyun laughs—that’s the first thing she does when Seulgi sneaks into her room and she sees the yellow plaster on her forehead.

“What’s funny?” asks Seulgi, narrowing her eyes. She’s bundled up in a beige sweater.

On the floor, the illustration broad, tubes of water colors, and paint brush are sprawled. Seulgi tiptoes around it, and sits on a spot beside Joohyun. Their knees touch.

Joohyun, rolling up her big shirt’s sleeves, answers, “I don’t know, sometimes my sense of humor is weird.”

Seulgi responds with a soft exhale. Rubs her fingertips over the strip of bandage. “I got hurt from practice,” she mutters, “that’s what I told Krystal when she asked.” To her friends, as well, when they gathered during the day for their last leg of study sessions.

The temperature dropped lower that evening. Wendy left for home. Alone, Joohyun kept herself busy by studying, ironing her newly laundered clothes, and putting her woes aside. She’ll deal with it later.

“I thought it was childish,” admits Joohyun.

“Childish?” Seulgi blinks.

“The band aid, I mean,” she clarifies, pointing to the athlete’s narrow forehead. “It looks like a sticker.”

“But it’s cute,” pouts Seulgi. She likes Pikachu, and her brother bought five boxes of those bandages. She received them as a Christmas gift, months before she left middle school. He thought she gets scratches too often, both from being clumsy and a soccer player.

Joohyun bites her lower lip. “I didn’t say it looks horrible.”

Seulgi squishes her cheeks with her sweater paws. “I’m seventeen, let me have this at least.”

“I’m not telling you to take it off either,” Joohyun snorts. “Anyway, let’s start this so we can finish before bedtime.”

Joohyun explains the image she wants on the blank canvas. Playground, brown earth, sparse weeds, autumn trees, and purple sky. Seulgi picks up the tubes of water color. Squeezes a meager amount of paint on a palette. Dips the brush into the water and mixes some pigments before painting on the board.

Joohyun watches her intently. Seulgi being focused, serious, her wrist moving precisely with each stroke of the brush. Showing her how to make the colors work well on the page. “Do you want to finish this part?” she asks, pointing at the left side of the sky that’s yet to be painted.

“But I think I’ll ruin it,” Joohyun demurs. Her talent in art is half-baked.

“Come here.” Seulgi reaches for and takes her hand.

Joohyun pulls away. “It’s the static,” she flounders. Her cheeks go a little red.

“C’mon, let’s start,” urges Seulgi. She lays her palm open toward Joohyun.

Joohyun shakes the hesitation away. She lets Seulgi hold her hand, and they paint together with her pulse throbbing loudly under her skin.

 

 

 

 

By Monday, the first wave of examinations commences.

The classrooms are hushed. All heads on shoulders draped with navy blue coats bent down over tests papers. Mulling over lessons they reviewed the past few days or the night before. Others finish early, while the rest chase the time.

It’s taken with different motivations—some do it to rank better in class, while some just want to pass. And fewer take the tests just for the sake of it.

Perhaps, the drive or lack thereof makes a whole world of difference. Perhaps it doesn’t.

 

 

 

 

“’Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’,” Jinri mentions, out of the blue. “Do words not really hurt?”

While the student population are dismissed half the day, Joy is stuck with Jinri at the multimedia room after exams. They are on the final revisions of the school paper. Its issue should be published and distributed Monday next week.

“It does,” Joy replies, without tearing her gaze away from her laptop screen. “It depends, maybe.”

“See, I churned out another editorial this weekend because our adviser rejected and thought my article on restrictive school policies is too feisty,” Jinri whines, indignant. “Too feisty.  _Please_ , it’s an op-ed!”

“I don’t blame you, but I think there is only a certain degree of thought we are allowed to espouse as high school students,” Joy explains. Her keyboard going clack, clack, clack.

Jinri spins her pen on the table listlessly. “Stick to the status quo—that’s more like it.”

Joy stretches her arms. Jinri is a bit too eccentric for her. Outspoken, free-spirited, easygoing, yet hard to read. There are layers to her she has to peel off to truly grasp her as a person.

“I don’t believe it, but we’re supposed to just suck it up, I guess,” says Joy. It’s too radical a move to voice out against policies. Rules are rigid, unless there’s ample precedent to change it. It’s like going after a pack of hyenas, looking for serious trouble.

Jinri thinks she sounds like Krystal. Stellar grades, spotless reputation, and surrounded by likeminded friends—there’s no reason to bother the system and risk tainting their academic records. It’s not a priority.

“Anyway, you promised we’re hanging out after the exams,” Jinri reminds her.

“I have not forgotten,” Joy answers. It doesn’t leave her mind, in fact. She doesn’t really think she’d fare well on such an environment, but whatever.

It’s just one night, anyway.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol doesn’t quite remember the things he said last Friday night to Kyungsoo, and he is almost certain it’s the reason why he hasn’t been back in the dorm.

He thought perhaps his roommate went home on the weekend, which he rarely does. Living off cereal and stolen pasteurized milk can take its toll, though. Like missing home-cooked meals, for one.

It’s already seven pm, on a Monday night. He hasn’t heard from him. Maybe they’re practicing late in the orchestra rehearsal, or he’s pulling an all-nighter at a coffee shop. He has no idea of his whereabouts, but he should be back. Then he realizes he really doesn’t know much about Do Kyungsoo, besides his few inches of hair and laconic personality.

He lies on his bed and tries to think about what it was that he could have uttered.

 

 

 

 

Joohyun tentatively asks, “Why was I afraid to hold someone’s hand?”

Wendy peers through her fogged-up glasses, steam rising from her hot cup of coffee as she blows it to cool. Smirks, “Are you catching feelings for someone?”

“Never mind,” Joohyun mutters, sinking a fist into her mattress.

 

 

 

 

At lunch the following day, Joohyun gets her money back.

Junmyeon treats her to lunch. A big bowl of stir-fried glass noodles on a bed of rice. “Those bastards,” he mutters under his breath, after looking at the text message sent by Chanyeol saying they weren’t coming and were eating out instead.

“What?” Joohyun asks, twirling the noodles around her chopsticks.

Junmyeon pockets his phone and answers, “Ah, they changed their minds and said they’d be eating out instead.”

“I made and lost a bet with you guys,” Joohyun says after munching and swallowing her food, “I don’t know why you’re paying me back.”

 _Make a move, with Joohyun or Jinri or whoever. You guys have been way too unassertive_ , that’s what Baekhyun advised in his tipsiness that Friday night. Junmyeon thinks its time to start treating Joohyun differently. Slowly, and so nothing will be a shock once the time comes.

He has always liked Joohyun. She passed by him in the corridor on the second day of school, and had to turn his head twice to look at her again. She’s beautiful. Boys were charmed. They picked on her because they liked her. Joohyun hated the attention and the teasing. Junmyeon tried to step up and berate them for doing so, and that’s when they began to hang out. He kept the rowdy guys away, but little did he know she was also a riot once she got used to him.

“Ah… well…” he stammers, “I just thought that you decided that bet on a whim, and besides, I have enough cash to go by.”

Joohyun lifts a brow and puckers her lips, “Oh, alright. Whatever you say.” Money is not a problem when it comes to Junmyeon. He comes from an affluent background. Airline company, or something of the sort. He has always acted like a big brother.

Junmyeon smiles awkwardly, and pats her head. “Eat well.”

To her astonishment, Joohyun swats his hand away and chides, “What are you doing? Don’t touch me like that.”

He shrinks in his seat, to his chagrin, and consumes his meal tensed.

 

 

 

 

“I don’t buy it,” Sehun divulges.

He went with the couple to shop at the mall. Krystal left them to themselves. She said she’s going to scour the department store and other shops for a new set of apparel for fall. They’re at the grocery, ambling in the snacks aisle.

Seulgi, surveying the rows of packs of chips, asks, “What?”

“You said you got hurt during practice. You didn’t. I know, because we practice together,” he explains. He shoves two packs of the same chips to his basket, flavored barbecue and cheese. “Why would you lie?”

Among the group, Sehun doesn’t like being left behind. He makes it a point to catch up. Make keen observations. He doesn’t tell his friends how to live their lives but he wants to know what’s going on. He always comes to them head-on, without beating around the bush.

“I fell over a slide,” Seulgi admits. She picks the honey butter chips in the end. It crinkles as she places it in her basket full of toiletries.

“And why should you hide that fact from Krystal?” asks Sehun. He always believed Seulgi isn’t dishonest, maybe except for a few white lies. It’s out of character for her to be. She’s transparent. Easy to read.

“Because I don’t want to upset her,” Seulgi answers, walking straight ahead. Maybe that’s a safe answer—enough to keep her friend at bay.

“A slide, huh,” Sehun mumbles, too low for her to hear.

 

 

 

 

Seulgi goes back to the campus aboard the public bus. Beside her, Krystal leans on her shoulder. Bags of grocery items on their laps. The passengers are evenly spread out to the seats. They’re at the front row. The driver hums to a tune.

The vehicle stops at a red light. Seulgi then asks, “Do you really hate Joohyun?”

Krystal moves away and questions as if she didn’t hear it right the first time, “What?”

“It’s just—I think you should apologize for that incident,” she pleads, looking out into the street through the windscreen. Pedestrians fill out into the street to cross to another sidewalk. She sighs, “I saw it. You pulled her hair.”

“Seulgi, what is this?” Krystal asks, brows furrowed. “Are you taking her side?”

“No,” denies Seulgi, “Maybe. I don’t know, but I think the two of you should make up.”

“Make up?” Krystal scoffs. “We’re not friends, not ever. And it should stay that way.”

Joohyun has always ground Krystal’s gears. During the class meeting back in the first year, they argued about the corridor policy. She got accused of sucking up to authorities. It made her furious, that she wanted to shove Joohyun down and tackle her, but she decided to keep her cool. Joohyun clearly did not want to back down, despite the points she presented that lead to the rule. It only ended when the class president at the time shushed them, and Joohyun walked out of the room.

“Krystal... Joohyun is a person that needs understanding,” insists Seulgi, cracking her knuckles. “If you’re kind to her she can be kind to you. Wouldn’t that leave the two of you in a better place?”

“I don’t understand people who think rules are beneath them,” Krystal retorts. The traffic light turns green. The bus lurches forward again. “She’s trouble. Kind people like you fail to see it, but they’re the type of students who won’t do you good.”

“That doesn’t justify you hurting her,” Seulgi argues, now shifting her gaze to her girlfriend.

“She asked for it,” Krystal huffs. “Anyway, what’s done is done. I won’t bother her unless she crosses me. Don’t ever bring up that bitch again. Please.”

Seulgi gulps, and they ride in silence for the rest of the trip.

 

 

 

 

On Wednesday, the clouds are huge and grey above the sky.

But Joohyun doesn’t notice it when she saunters out of the classroom in haste after taking the tests. She finishes third to the last, with a few unanswered questions. At the locker hallway, she almost slips. She opens her locker and changes her set of books to review tonight. Then, she scours the corridors.

When she’s at the south of the second floor building, where the hallway overlooks the parking lot, she finds Kai walking bouncily. Happy. Probably looking for his car so he can leave the campus. So Joohyun runs north, downstairs, then past the common hall at the ground floor. Upon reaching the entrance, and stepping outside, it begins to rain. She shields her head with her arms, swearing, but she wants to catch Kai before he leaves.

She pads briskly to the west, to the length of the building. Her coat and bag are soaked. She didn’t bring her umbrella. She thought it wouldn’t rain because the morning started bright and hot. When she turns so that she could walk the path to the parking lot, someone tugs her backpack. She ends up bumping against the person.

“What are you—” she pauses once she looks up and sees the person behind her.

“I saw you at the common hall, walking out into the rain,” Seulgi explains, black umbrella in hand. “What were you thinking?”

Joohyun lowers her eyes. Mumbles, “I went the wrong way.”

“You forgot that the dormitory is the opposite way?” Seulgi laughs. Drops of rain continue to pelt on her umbrella. She moves close to Joohyun, so the latter’s left shoulder wouldn’t get wet. However, her right shoulder gets drenched. She doesn’t mind. “Anyway, you shouldn’t be running in this downpour without anything to protect you.”

“I have my arms,” Joohyun quips. Her skin’s a bit damp. The moisture has seeped through her blouse. Hair, coat, and skirt dripping.

“And look at you,” she giggles. She pulls out a dry, monogrammed towel from her backpack and hands it to Joohyun. “Don’t say no thanks.”

Joohyun chuckles. She grabs the towel from Seulgi’s hand and wipes her face with it. “Why are we always bumping into each other?” And she feels that knot in her stomach again. Like when Seulgi was holding her hand while they were painting.

They traverse the length of the building again, to the east. They skip puddles. Pass by the wide sports field. Joohyun talks about how sorry she is for giving her a scratch on her forehead and knees. Seulgi assures her for the nth time that it’s alright. The raindrops fall consistently to the earth. Their ankles get flecked with mud. Their elbows brush against each other.

“Thank you,” Joohyun says once they arrive. It’s so genuine that she loves the way the words roll out of her tongue.

“No problem. Bring your umbrella next time, alright?” replies Seulgi, hanging her folded umbrella on the stand. “You wouldn’t know, you’re gonna have to brave a storm next.”

They part after.

Wendy chases Joohyun up the stairs. Holding onto a hot cup of noodles. Asks, “Hey, I saw that. Seulgi and you? You two know each other?” She was at the lobby, dispensing hot water, when through the glass doors she saw the pair outside, at the porch.

“Sort of,” Joohyun simpers and shrugs.

“Oh, that’s interesting,” Wendy remarks.

 

 

 

 

Joohyun is able to converse with Kai the following day.

He takes her to the baseball men’s locker room. He has a duplicate key as the captain. It’s empty. They shut the door close. Sunlight pours in through the windows. Kai leans against a locker, slouched, while staring down at Joohyun who’s inches shorter than him.

“I have questions,” Joohyun begins. She crosses her arms.

“Go on, fling them at me,” he goads. He sheds his coat and says, “It’s always been stuffy in here.”

It’s an understatement to say her conscience has ripped her to shreds the past few days. She has tossed and turned in her bed, almost unable to sleep thinking about how to deal with the situation. She knows she shouldn’t be the one burdened, but it isn’t easy at all.

Joohyun huffs then asks, “Why couldn’t you tell Seulgi the truth?”

“Why?” Kai repeats, shoving his hands in his trouser’s pocket. “Because I like Krystal.”

“W-what,” Joohyun stutters, tilting her head. Unable to comprehend the answer. “Stop the riddles.”

“Who’s riddling?”

Joohyun takes a step forward, and scowls, “You like her enough to not call her on her bullshit? What kind of nonsense is that?”

Kai giggles loudly that his shoulders quiver. “I don’t know about you, but that makes a lot of sense to me.” And there’s nothing truer that he’s said. Anything he has done for Krystal, and even the things he hasn’t, only makes sense to him.

“So you want to keep your silence because you don’t want to make her accountable,” Joohyun puts together. “But have you ever thought and considered Seulgi’s feelings?”

He exhales sharply, scratching the back of his head, ”I don’t care what she feels.”

_Slap—_

Joohyun hits her palm hard against his left cheek. So hard, like a thunderous clap tearing through the air. Half of Kai’s face turns red. A bright red mark. It stings. He rubs it softly. Joohyun’s shoulders heave, indignant at hearing the words. Kai laughs _—_ jeering, and throaty.

“You’re fucked up,” Joohyun fumed. Her fists are tightly clenched.

“Go, tell them. I couldn’t care less anymore. Take Seulgi for yourself. That’s what you want to happen, right?” Kai provokes. Joohyun tries to slap him again but he blocks it with his arm. “What, isn’t that the truth? I’m making it easier for you.”

Joohyun shrugs her arm from his hold, and leaves, slamming the door shut.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m wondering if I’m getting the pacing right... ;~; anyway thank you guys for reading!!


	8. Disclosure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not afraid anymore, Seulgi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh, this is a very krystal chapter

 

A 90s hit plays on the radio.

The volume’s turned down. Seulgi shifts uncomfortably in the backseat. The music’s too unobtrusive to distract her from the awkwardness. Kai drums his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel. He whistles a few bars, and from time to time he peeps her at the rear view mirror: hair tied neatly into a ponytail, eyes wandering around but to him, and listlessly peeling her chapped lips. The silence between them is thick and heavy, they could slice it with a butter knife.

It’s Friday, and the conclusion of their exam week. They decided to hang out downtown for half of the day. Seulgi thought Krystal would already be in the Buick, but Kai said she ran back to the building to use the comfort room. For the same reason, Seulgi didn’t wait for Sehun to finish the test and went ahead. She left the class ten minutes early. Getting stuck alone with Kai has never happened to her before.

“Have you—”

“Doesn’t it—”

“No, you go first,” he urges, tousling his hair with the fingers he drummed on the steering wheel. Just to keep his hands busy.

“Have you been attending dance club meetings?” asks Seulgi. It’s the only thing that she knows they have in common. That she’s aware of, at least. She joined last school year upon Ten’s (a long-faced boy with a broad, warm smile) prodding, after presenting a dance number with him and a few chosen students for Acquaintance Day. She proved herself with an urban dance and passed the auditions.

With a dry chuckle, Kai answers, “No, I quit halfway through in the past year. I couldn’t commit, not with the demanding baseball practices coming along the way.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” she confesses, cheeks flushing a little. It now makes sense why she only saw him a couple of times. She hasn’t been able to visit the particular school club that much either. “Maybe I should leave, too. To focus on soccer.”

The music fades and switches to a piano ballad. Outside, a passing ball of cloud shrouds the sun’s glare. Dimness takes over shortly on the parking lot, like when a plane roams above and its shadow falls below. A small, brown bird perches on the hood of the car. Seulgi watches it poke the hood with its beak through the windscreen before it takes off.

“That wouldn’t be so bad,” Kai utters impassively. At the back of his head, he actually dreaded this would happen between them. He and Seulgi are only together when all of them in the circle are together. He has nothing to say to her. It’s not that he has animosity toward her; in fact, it’s indifference, but it might be just as bad.

He had been indifferent to her the moment Krystal declared they were a couple.

And with her timid, small mouth and tongue stiff with effort, Seulgi keeps the conversation alive with a question, “Didn’t you want to ask me something?”

“Oh,” Kai mutters, as if he had forgotten. “Doesn’t it hurt peeling the skin off your lips?”

It somehow lessens the strain of tension for her. She thought he had something in mind that wasn’t rather arbitrary. A threadbare attempt at a more comfortable and casual chat.

“Sometimes,” she replies curtly. The air has been colder and drier lately, so there’s barely moisture on her lips. Conscious of the remark, she proceeds to lick her lips, and drops her hands on her lap. Lip balm just wasn’t her thing.

Through the windscreen, they see two figures poke above a sea of glinting cars, meters away. Jinri, long hair fluttering in the wind, and Sehun, shoulders broad and posture steady and straight.

“Took them long enough,” comments Kai, with a sigh so palpable it makes Seulgi bite her lower lip. Like he ought to make it apparent he hated any second more with her.

Sehun pries the backdoor open, and Jinri goes in and sits with a plop next to Seulgi. He shuts the door, then rides shotgun. Complains, “I ran out of time at the essay part.” He fumbles for the seat belt and hooks it with a click.

“I got stuck in it too. Don’t be a sod,” Jinri chimes in. She’s more lively and enthusiastic today. Different from the groggy and sleepy tiredness she had shown recently. “By the way, where’s Krystal?”

“Comfort room,” Kai answers immediately. He checks the time on the dashboard, and approximates she’s been gone for almost twenty minutes now. Odd. “She should be back by now.”

Jinri sighs, “What could be taking her long?”

 

 

 

Krystal rushed to the comfort room. Crouched over the toilet bowl, she heard loud, heavy steps come in and swing the cubicle doors open one by one, sparing hers. She didn’t think much of it. Then, she flushes the toilet bowl, before she washes her hand in the sink. When she raises her head to look at the mirror, she sees another person come out of the cubicle next to the one she used.

Joohyun walks over to the door and locks it gently. Says, “We have to talk.” Her voice’s shaky, tremulous.

“About what?” Krystal asks with sincere curiosity. She pulls from a roll of tissue on its holder, and wipes her hands. She chucks the soiled toilet paper into the trash bin.  _She followed me and made sure nobody else is around. Gutsy._

Joohyun huffs, jittery, palms clammy. She has gone over it in her head a hundred times. She can’t balk now. “I know.”

“You know what?” Krystal asks, slightly tilting her head, brows pulled at the middle. Slowly, she inches toward Joohyun. Step by menacing step.

“You... cheating on Seulgi,” Joohyun croaks. It’s not that she’s scared; it’s just that it is completely an uncharted territory. She can’t gauge how deep she is getting her feet stuck in. But she doesn’t budge from where she stands and squares her shoulders. “Stop lying to her.”

Krystal grabs her by the collar and backs her against the tiled wall with a shove.  _How does she kno_ — For a second a hint of worry flashed on her face, then, knowing she can’t show guilt, she springs back to being aggrieved. She twists the collar in her grasp even tighter.

Joohyun feels as though her spine and ribs got pressed together. She grunts and winces, a twinge of pain washing over before it fades. She grips Krystal’s hand and chortles, “What, are you going to hurt me?”

“Haven’t you learned anything the last time?” Krystal answers, angrily. 

“You’re the one who hasn’t learned anything the last time,” Joohyun jeers. It makes her feel a bit better having said that to her face.

“Stop wasting my time with nonsense,” Krystal admonishes. She tries to rifle her brain, thinking of how that could be possible. Joohyun knowing something so confidential, so private. How?

Joohyun finds it a little difficult to breathe, but that doesn’t faze her. “You’re a foul, cheating bitch,” she insults through gritted teeth.

Krystal’s eyes widen, almost bulging out in fury. Her hand grips Joohyun’s collar higher and harder, the buttons almost popping out of her blouse. With the other hand she grabs Joohyun’s ponytail. Joohyun yelps, and tries to take her hand off. Krystal whispers into her ear and dares, “Try saying that again.”

“You cheated on Seulgi,” Joohyun drawls, panting. Her scalp is aching from being pulled down. For a moment it scared her that Krystal might really tear her hair off. “Have you forgotten the cameras that are filming the sink area?”

Krystal looks up, to the corner of the ceiling with an attached CCTV. She lets go of Joohyun with a slight push, and glares. Backpedals, “What do you want from me?”

Through ragged breathing, Joohyun chuckles, “So you admit it.” She fixes her crumpled blouse and pushes her hair away from her face.

“No, I want to know what you want. You’re clearly stirring shit up over a... lie,” Krystal reasons out with a straight face.  _You aren’t smart, and not even half as cunning as I am. Bitch._

Joohyun snorts derisively, “Do you think I’m bluffing?” She can see Krystal bubbling with rage under that controlled facade. Kai isn’t lying; she trusts him that much. Even if he’s a grade A asshole madly in love with an unfaithful cheerleader.  _He wants to have Krystal for himself_ , she deduced. It doesn’t matter if he’s using her. Seulgi does not deserve to be deceived anymore. “Break up with Seulgi. You can go quietly, without anybody else knowing what kind of person you are. I’d give you that much. Otherwise, I’ll make sure Seulgi and every student in this goddamned campus know.”

“You bitch—”

A ringtone interrupts their exchange.

Krystal takes out her phone from her pocket and puts it on her ear. She’s red, sweating, at the brink of knocking the daylights out of someone. And it’s Seulgi on the other end, asking her whereabouts. “I’m sorry. I bumped into a junior and I didn’t expect our chat would take long,” she lies. Hangs up without another word.

“That’s what I want,” Joohyun says, with a hard voice, and slides her tie off her rumpled hair.

Krystal answers, “I’ll get back to you” before unlocking the door to leave.

Joohyun exhales sharply in front of the mirror. Releasing all the tension she’s been holding back. She notices the top button of her wrinkled blouse gone. She looks so thrashed up that she almost wants to cry.  _What even is happening to me?_

 

 

 

When they pull over in front of a Korean barbecue restaurant, Krystal asks the other three to go ahead while she’d stay behind in the car with Kai who’s looking for a parking space. Just to accompany him. But of course, that wasn’t all true.

“Joohyun knows,” she discloses, almost a complain. She leans her head on the window, brows furrowed while staring at the busy street.

Kai flits his eye at the rear view mirror, and deeply sighs. He was aware it was coming. Joohyun is unstoppable. He was not wrong about her at all. It was just a hunch—her thing for Seulgi—but it luckily worked to his favor. “She knows what?”

“About us,” Krystal grumbles.

 _No, she doesn’t. At least she doesn’t know it’s me,_ but he omits that before he lets out a nasty snicker, like there’s something awfully hilarious about the situation. “Are you sure?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not joking. What’s there to laugh about?” she upbraids. He was always odd; the way he doesn’t take things seriously. As if it were all a game. It irritated her to a degree. He should be unnerved, and afraid. Shaken to the core.

“Joohyun... that girl,” he deflects, hitting the brake down the end of the street. He surveys the left side, and makes a careful turn. “She does surprise me in ways I don’t expect.” It definitely baffles him why she went to Krystal instead of just revealing it to Seulgi. It seems to be a lapse in judgment. That, or he overestimated her and she isn’t bold enough after all.

Krystal pouts, thoroughly upset. It’s like there’s steam coming off her head. “I don’t understand how she could possibly know. I need to shut her up.”

Kai is getting tired of how unrelenting Krystal is being. But he knows he can’t do anything when she has made up her mind about something, or someone. “And what are you going to do? Kill her?”

“Did you— Have you gone mad?” Krystal asks, looking at him incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Shit, I was just kidding. What did she tell you?”

“I don’t know why you’re calm, that’s strange,” accuses Krystal. Those words hang in the air for a few seconds. Kai doesn’t react, and just lets the silence fall between them. She then crosses her arms and says, “She told me to break up with Seulgi.”

She finds it hard to fathom why Joohyun cares about Seulgi that much. They don’t know each other well. Joohyun must really just want to rile her up, for no good reason. And it pains her to admit that she does get on her nerves.

“Then why don’t you?” Kai asks, finally finding a spot. He tries to parallel park next to a sidewalk running along a vacant lot.

“I have no reason to,” she mumbles.

He picks up her answer and chuckles bitterly, “Krystal, you have  _every_ reason to.”

“Shut up,” she spat. Krystal’s confident that Joohyun doesn’t have a proof. She made out with Kai only once in campus. It was that morning, behind the school building. It happened on a whim, she was simply thrilled to make out in public, but still away from prying eyes. Nobody saw them, she was sure. It was way too early in the damn morning.

“Just don’t kill her, alright?” Kai quips again.

 

 

 

At the barbecue restaurant, the three are waiting in their booth for their orders to be served.

Sehun taps his pointy finger on the table languidly. Across him Seulgi’s fiddling with her phone, and beside him Jinri’s checking her nails like it’s the most interesting to look at. Well, perhaps anything’s more interesting than the three of left to themselves, mute and unconcerned.

“At last, the first wave of exams is done with,” he bubbles. He hits the table with a fist for effect, and to grab their attention, of course.

Seulgi lifts her head with her mouth half-open, staring dumbly, undecided on whether to speak up or not. And since Jinri doesn’t stir, she pipes in with, “Uhm, yeah.”

“What about you, Jinri?” Sehun asks.

Jinri rolls her eyes and offhandedly says, “I just want to get this done with and go home.”

Sehun and Seulgi stare perplexed at each other, taken aback with the answer that they don’t bother Jinri again until Krystal and Kai arrives.

 

 

 

 

A hubbub swells in the vastly spacious common hall.

Jinri wades her way through the throng of students. “Not bad,” she whispers to herself. Tacked on the cork bulletin board is the list of rankings for their class. She made it at thirteen. Not like she has ever dropped out of the top twenty.

She spots Joy, craning her neck way at the back. She taps her shoulder and yells, “You ranked first.”

Joy covers her mouth in surprise and stares at Jinri wide-eyed. “Really?! Oh my god!” She peels herself away from the crowd and busts into a jig as she nears Sana. “Hey! I did it! I got the top spot!”

Sana answers with small rapid claps. “That's great! Congrats!”

Jinri, who had wanted to congratulate Joy, didn’t think she could shoehorn herself into their exchange. Out of the corner of her eye she spots Krystal, who appears to be glum, and she’s unsure of whether to approach her or not. Krystal seems to have her troubles lately, but Jinri has no idea because they don’t really talk anymore like they used to.  _And besides_ , she muses while she watches Seulgi slip beside Krystal,  _she has totally forgotten about me._

Jinri takes a glimpse of them one last time before heading back to the classroom. Something within her feels miserable, but she doesn’t want to acknowledge it. There were a lot of things to be happy about, and yet--

On the way upstairs, she accidentally bumps into Chanyeol, who’s running opposite downstairs. He shyly tells her he’s sorry then scoots off. That tall, lanky dude she got paired with for a chemistry project.

And he thinks she doesn’t know that he likes her.

 

 

 

It shouldn’t be a frustrating Monday morning.

But Krystal dashes to the comfort room, swings each cubicle door open, then locks the door when the coast is clear. She leans her hands on the sink, and watches herself weep in the mirror. Her eyes wet with tears. Lips pulled down. Sniffling.

It shouldn’t be bad. Being eleventh place should render her far from being miserable. But all she could think about is how disappointed her parents would be, particularly her father, once they learn she couldn’t even hold within the top ten.

She’s always going to be in the shadow of her older sister who has never dipped below the top five, led a few academic clubs, and got sent to competitions. Got accepted in the most prestigious university in the country. Always favored. And here she is, trying hard to do well, but could not even come close.

This world appreciates the results, and not the effort.

Her dad couldn’t even pretend to be happy for her when she told him she was chosen to be the captain for the cheering squad. Mocked how it’s for students who are obtuse. She had let it slide. He’s an old man with archaic world view. Yet she still craves for his validation, like a damned fate she couldn’t escape.

Then, she hears a knock. She hastily wipes her tears with the back of her hands. Turns on the faucet and splashes water to her face, then dries it with a paper towel.

When she comes out, she finds Seulgi waiting for her outside. Another girl, miffed, goes in snootily. Her girlfriend, worry in her voice, asks her, “What’s wrong?” before holding her hand and rubbing a thumb over her knuckles.

“I got something stuck in my eye that I had to wash off,” Krystal lies.

If there’s anything she won’t do, it would be showing her vulnerability.

 

 

 

“How’d the date went, by the way?” asks Baekhyun, putting an arm around Junmyeon, who’s immersed in watching their bout of darts. “Thought I’d forget it, huh?”

“Date, my ass.” Junmyeon scratches his head in annoyance and groans, “If looks could kill, I’d have been dead.”

The three of them are at the club room after class. Tao went home early. Joohyun said she’s got something else to do than idle around and play darts. (“Really?” Chanyeol had asked in disbelief. “Is this the Joohyun we know?”) So here they are, idling around and playing darts. After the exam week they thought it’d be nice to relax together.

“What the heck is that answer?” Chanyeol questions as he throws a dart. Double sixteen.

“She literally looked at me like she wanted me dead,” Junmyeon murmurs. Since that day he isn’t even sure how he’d go about Joohyun anymore. She has just never seemed to be interested in relationships, particularly the romantic sort. He is almost certain she developed a resentment against guys for teasing her “cabbage” back then.

“The hell did you do to her?” Baekhyun asks, perplexed. He jots down the score on the whiteboard and waits for Chanyeol’s last throw before adding them up. Then he subtracts it from the guy’s remaining points.

Junmyeon mumbles, “Pat her head?”

This makes Chanyeol snort. There’s nothing unusual there. It’s Joohyun. “It’s going to take a while before she sees you in a different light.”

“I doubt she would,” utters Baekhyun, glancing sheepishly at Junmyeon as he positions himself steps away from the dart board. “No offense.”

Junmyeon just shakes his head.

“Have you guys seen Kyungsoo?” inquires the tall guy. He was alone in his room the past week. But his roommate’s things are still there, untouched. He hadn’t bothered searching for his contact number from other people, thinking  _he_  just needed some time away from living in the campus, but he might just do it later if he still isn’t back by then.

Baekhyun lands a dart at twelve, between the triple and double ring. “The penguin?”

“Penguin?” Chanyeol creases his forehead.

“He looks like a penguin. But to answer your question, no I haven’t. Does anybody really  _see_  him? He’s like a ghost. Just coming and going with hardly a word to anyone,” Baekhyun says, hitting a double ten on the dart board.

It was hopeless. Chanyeol turns to look at Junmyeon for any helpful information but he just shrugs and whines, “What do I know? I never had word with him.”

 _That guy, where could he be?_ thought Chanyeol.

 

 

 

Joohyun spends the rest of the afternoon at the bleachers. High above from the field, where the soccer team are having a practice game. It’s the first time she really watches Seulgi play. Long hair tied up, decked in one of her jersey uniforms, and her eyes much sharper when she focuses. Running, running, dribbling, skidding, then kicking. Pants and heaves in the small window of time she could.

 _How cool_ , thought Joohyun. She puffs her cheeks and blows air through her mouth. Oblivious to the hint of red creeping up on her cheeks.

Until now, it’s difficult for her to reconcile the fact that someone like her is friends with Kang Seulgi. Seulgi could’ve antagonized her for hurting her girlfriend but she didn’t. She could’ve shunned Joohyun but instead, she even welcomed her shenanigans.

When the practice finished just before six, Joohyun stood up and tried to catch Seulgi’s attention. However, before she could attempt to raise her hand, the athlete is already staring at her from down below. She blushes in spite of herself and tucks her hand back. She sees Seulgi say good bye to Sehun, who glances at her briefly, then watches Seulgi hurry up the steps to meet her.

“What’s up?” asks Seulgi. She studies Joohyun’s face, and notices how larger her eyes seem than usual. More doe-eyed, sparkly. Her cheeks bright pink, healthy. “You’re glowing.”

“W-what are you saying...” Joohyun stutters, the flush lining her cheeks more evident. The dim fluorescent lights aren’t helping. By then, the sun has set and it’s dusky and chilly. “Anyway, I came here to talk.”

They both sit down on the bleacher. Bags on their laps. Staring out into the distance, the green field that’s now black. Joohyun rubs her palms together from the cold and blows wet breaths over her knuckles.

“Do you remember the time you asked me what it was that I was afraid of?” Joohyun asks, tilting her head toward the soccer captain.

Seulgi nods. “Uh hm.”

“I was afraid I’d lose you that easy,” Joohyun confesses. She lowers her eyes to her lap where she fidgets with her fingers on her skirt. And with that, she suddenly feels like things are falling into place and the stars are aligning. “No, don’t say anything. Hear me out. I know we met at a strange circumstance. I know you should’ve have hated me. But you didn’t, and it all made the difference, you know?

I approached you again because I wanted something from you. You, who’s unsuspecting, who’s tolerating me for the third time, and who’s ready to lend me a hand. I want to apologize for that,” Joohyun rambles on. She pitiably looks up at Seulgi who just stares at her with utmost curiosity.

Seulgi, flattered than she would let on, stretches an arm, and grins, “No worries. You are a nice person, believe me. And you shouldn’t be afraid. I’m just going to be here.”

Joohyun holds a closed fist to her chest. She’s nervous. There’s a loud thumping within her, which must be her heart. “I’m not afraid anymore, Seulgi.”

The cold breeze starts to sting the bareness of her legs. Seulgi’s warm, modest gaze lingers on Joohyun, wanting to ask why she’s being told all this. But perhaps it’s better that some things are left unsaid. So many things have changed since they first met. She would have never thought they’d become too familiar with each other in a short time.

Joohyun zips her bag open and plucks a paper from her notebook. With a pen, she writes some words down. The evening is steady. Blue and deep. And she folds the paper and hands it to Seulgi.

_I promise to be a good friend to you._

“I promise the same,” Seulgi utters, hands clutching both sides of the note she unfolded. She folds it back again, carefully, and slips it in her folder inside her backpack.

Joohyun purses her lips and swings her feet. Giddy, shy. She has never really done that. Pour her heart out and offer her words. And she thinks she knows why, but it’s too soon for her to admit. Right now, all she knows that whatever happens, she’ll be there for Seulgi.

“You honestly scare me a little,” Seulgi chuckles. She stands up and beckons Joohyun to do the same. “But I think this is good. And I don’t think I should hide this from Krystal anymore.” Her girlfriend might hate Joohyun, but there’s no point keeping her friendship with Joohyun from her anymore. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Right.

Slinging the strap of her bag on her shoulder, Joohyun says, “It’s not your fault.”

They descend the bleachers side by side. The weight of uncertainty lifted off their backs and shoulders. The field becomes empty then, save for the dancing little moths near the lampposts.

 

 

 

Chanyeol groans. He slumps on his desk chair, dejected. He walked all the way to the studio, but didn’t see Kyungsoo, not even his shadow. Wendy told him he has been absent from their rehearsals since last Saturday. Shit, he had cussed, then dragged his arse back to the meandering path to the dorm.

He then inquired the dormitory manager over the counter. The pot-bellied man with a receding hairline said Kyungsoo left him a slip that he went home two weekends ago, and he hasn’t clocked in back since then. He then asked for a contact number. The manager answers that the kid doesn’t own a phone. Chanyeol was given the parent’s phone number. Somebody picked up from the other line but told him they don’t know who he’s looking for. The number was fake.

“Was that guy a con man?” Chanyeol wonders out loud. Was he a ghost, like Baekhyun said? He shudders, and gooseprickles crawls over his arms. He looks around the room, topsy-turvy for he hasn’t tidied up for days now. “God, if you’re a fucking ghost, stop bugging me.”

He decides to clean up their room to distract himself. It’s a productive way to kill time anyway. So he picks up the shirts and pants that has spilled from his laundry basket, throws the papers and wrappers scattered on the floor into the waste bin. He finds some loose change and keeps it in his pocket. Then he picks up the broom and sweeps the dust and dirt off the floor. After that he arranges his desk. When he lifts his calculus book, something falls. He picks it up and inspects it. A neatly folded letter, bent on its corners.

He settles down on the bed and reads. His face goes from horrid confusion to dread. Tears well up his eyes. “No, no, no,” he splutters.

 

_I didn’t want to write you a letter. But I thought it would be unfair to leave without a proper goodbye. I am not going back, for good. I am thankful I had a friend, even for a short period of time. In fact, you're the only real friend I made in my entire stay in that school. I thought you were annoying, but nobody else has been persistent to befriend me like you did. Thank you for not telling on me, about the milk. I lived another day because of you. Forgive me for being poetic, but the world is dark, deep down, when you really try to look beyond the surface. But people like you make it bearable. I hope you never see the world for what it is, like I did._

_I'd like to give you an advice. I guess it's because you have been telling me things but I did not to respond to them. I think you should pursue Jinri on your own instead of making ways for others to do it for you. Go for it. Don't be scared. Stop telling yourself you're a coward. Let go. And about that other thing you told me... Kai and Krystal? I'd give advice just the same. You know in your heart what's right. Don't be afraid to do the right thing._

_Thank you, Chanyeol._

_And goodbye._

_Kyungsoo_


	9. A rose among thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Joohyun isn’t one of the boys,” Joy speaks with confidence. “She’s a flower waiting to bloom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i am back on track, and i think taking a break did wonders. and that's great because i don't want to ever feel like fanfic writing is a chore. i enjoyed writing this one, and i hope y'all enjoy it too!
> 
>  **announcement** i took some feedback to heart (i appreciate it greatly), and i have decided to chop off the whole joy/minho storyline because i don't think it adds much to the story even though i have initially wanted to give joy her own story. and i don't know, maybe her story will come to me in a different form, or not at all, but for now that's what i have decided.
> 
> also, kindly read the changes to chapter 8, paragraph 5.

 

It doesn’t even take that long before they meet again.

Joohyun has just gotten to the dormitory when Joy calls Wendy over to her room for a celebratory meal, and invites her as well out of courtesy. She doesn’t even get a chance to change out of her uniform because Wendy’s already dragging her out the door.

There’s a box of pepperoni pizza and a liter of cola.

And of course, there’s Seulgi.

They congratulate Joy first for topping their class, before they all take their share and squat on the floor, around the food.

Joohyun is tense and shy after all of the things that she has said in the bleachers earlier, but she pretends to keep her cool. Across her, Wendy is unusually sprightly, chatting about, while Joy is tying her hair into a braid. Seulgi is sat right-angled to her, happily gobbling down a slice of pizza like a child, a smear of hot sauce on the corner of her lips. Then she stares, like a fool, when Seulgi wipes it messily with her tongue, and chokes when the athlete turns to her and asks, “Do you like it?”

(She was talking about the pizza.)

Joohyun grabs her glass of coke and drinks, to her chagrin.

“Are you alright?” Seulgi follows with a puzzled expression.

“It's really good,” Joohyun says, not looking back. The pizza isn’t actually that good, but it also isn’t bad, and she didn’t want to give Joy a reason to hate her. “And I’m okay.”

But that was also another lie, because she thinks she could accidentally bite her tongue at any moment, because she notices that Wendy’s gaze is heavy on her, like she’s being observed. She drops her attention to a few ants scuttling on the floor, avoiding their stares.

“The entrance tests for college admission are starting soon,” Joy finally speaks. Her fingers are digging through Wendy’s lush brown hair. “Have you guys reviewed for it already?”

They have sent application forms to different universities when the school year commenced.

“I took review classes just this summer,” Wendy answers, pinching hot sauce over her pizza. The bulk of her summer had been spent on going through her thick tomes. “But I’m sure you’ll just breeze through the tests without trying hard.”

Joy snorts. “Oh, flatter me, but I don’t just absorb our lessons like a sponge. I read for hours. There’s a lot of top students who wants to come off like they don’t open their notes or books at all, but trust me, that’s just a front. Besides, anybody can learn anything if they have the patience to study.”

“Spoken like a true top student,” Wendy grins, before taking a bite of her slice. Then with a bit of a lilt, “What about you, Seulgi?”

“I did self-review but I don’t think that was enough.” Seulgi did a few other things during summer instead, like doing more art and swimming. “I still trained in soccer, because I didn’t want to go out of shape.”

Wendy is suddenly earnest at the talk of soccer. Her fingers on one hand tap restlessly on her bent knee. “Oh, right! District meet is this Saturday.”

Joohyun looks back and forth between the two while consuming her food.

“Well, yeah,” Seulgi says timidly, rubbing the back of her neck. “I have two more practices then two days rest.”

Wendy’s expression get more animated and she excitedly jabbers, “It sucks that I have to be at the musical conference this Saturday. I have also been practicing for it, so I know how badly you need a rest. Anyway, I would’ve loved to cheer for you!”

“Don’t you sound like an avid fan?” Joy asks. She’s almost finished with the lone braid.

Wendy purses her lips and lowers her eyes. Then answers, “Of course, I  _love_ our team.”

Joohyun snickers- low, subtly mocking. Wendy catches her, so she clears her throat and picks another slice of pizza.

Seulgi tips a glass of coke over her mouth and drains it. She hisses sharply, fizz burning in her throat for a second. “I am grateful for the support, though? It means a lot to me… it keeps me going, really.”

“Oh, she has a lot of fan letters,” Joohyun pipes in, and with a hint of pride, adds, “And she takes time to read through each of them.” 

Joy pats Wendy’s shoulder after securing the braid with a tie to signal she’s finished. Wendy was too distracted with Joohyun’s words that she didn’t perceive it, and just pushed her eyeglasses back with a gulp.

“Hey…” Seulgi narrows her eyes. “I remember you told me it was all corny.”

“Well, you remember it right,” Joohyun goes along, sneering toward the athlete. “I was just trying to be nice, but I guess I’m taking it back.”

“No, no, sing me more praises!”

Joohyun sticks her tongue out. “Make me.”

“ _Tsk_ , seriously, you two,” Joy comments, amused. It makes her wonder how the two are  _that_ close, yet she doesn’t ask.

Wendy looks at Joohyun with a bit of apprehension, but none of them recognizes it. All she could think of was a way to steer the conversation into something else. But she just keeps her mouth shut and listens, though she’s itching to join in.

Joy gets up from her bed, and moves over behind Joohyun and says, “Let me do your hair.”

Joohyun asks, “Are you not going to eat?”

“Nope.” Joy is already tugging down Joohyun’s hair tie. “I ate at the pantry earlier, with the other tea club girls. Luckily they left a box for me to take home, because Wendy wasn’t around because of practice.”

“Alright then,” concedes Joohyun, tossing the stray locks of hair over her shoulders.

Then, just as it occurs to her, Wendy snaps her fingers and utters, “By the way, have you guys seen Kyungsoo? Chanyeol went to see me earlier,” her eyes briefly flit at Joohyun, “He was looking for him, and he’s been absent from our practices since Saturday. Nobody’s said a word, not even our coach.”

“What, for real?” Joy spouts in shock. She’s twisting about two inches of hair nearest Joohyun’s hairline. “That would mean he missed the exams.”

“I’m truly worried, and no one seems to know anything,” Wendy says, frowning.

“Well, maybe his parents know and chose to keep things confidential. If the school cannot tell us, and then we can’t do anything,” Joy responds, still knotting the tiny braid. “I mean, we should rather leave it at that than to speculate and create rumors.”

“He was really a loner.” Wendy would try to speak to him at times, but he puts up this wall she just can’t get through. “I’ll admit I mostly forget he’s around, but whenever I saw him I wanted to tell him  _hey, it’s cool to ask me about stuff_  but then I think maybe he just wants to be left alone.” Sometimes, she’d also feel lonely, seeing him stay in one corner, all by himself.

“It’s no one’s fault,” Joy assures her. “We’re all different.”

“Let’s just hope he’s fine, wherever he might be,” Seulgi agreed.

Joohyun didn’t know the guy well either, yet there was this sinking feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. The word  _alone_ makes Joohyun think of a small boat rowing endlessly in the middle of the stretch of a deep, blue ocean, finding no shore to wash up on. And she doesn’t want that - having no one else by her side.

Joy interrupts her train of thought by muttering, “It looks really good on you.”

“I agree, you look different with your hair down,” Wendy tells her.

And Joohyun catches herself waiting, though she was half-hoping it wouldn’t come, but then it strikes-

“Beautiful,” Seulgi breathes, mesmerized. Then realizing what just slipped out of her mouth, adds, “I mean, Joohyun’s really pretty. Everyone  _knows_  that.” 

There’s a faint hint of blush spreading across Joohyun’s cheeks. She ducks her head once she feels the warmth on her skin, and there’s a part of her that’s embarrassed for liking what she just heard.  _Why am I acting so stupid_ , she thought.

“Joohyun isn’t one of the boys,” Joy speaks with confidence. “She’s a flower waiting to bloom.”

Seulgi dons a gentle smile and says, “A rose among thorns.”

  

 

 

 

Before daybreak, Joohyun finds herself in front of her desk, glancing at the tiny mirror.

She doesn’t know why she’s up way too early than usual. It’s an hour and a half til class, and Wendy’s still tossing in her bed. The air’s dry, bitter cold, and she shudders in her blouse. Her hair is still damp.

 _Okay, let’s try this_ , Joohyun thinks to herself after combing her hair.

Her fingers start twining a section of her hair at the edge of her forehead, split it into three portions. She does it gingerly, tightening with each cross over.  _Beautiful_ , her mind plays. Over and over.  _Beautiful beautiful beautiful_ -

“Oh god, can I stop thinking about it,” Joohyun murmurs, neck straining in position. “Stop it, Joohyun.”

Seulgi was just saying what everyone has been saying, and yet—

All her life, she’s been told pretty to her face. Hearing it too often has diluted its meaning, has made it trite, and she has taken it for granted, to a fault. But anticipating it from someone, instead of it being handed out offhandedly to her without asking, makes quite the difference.

“This doesn’t look right,” she frowns. The braid is stiff and thinner than what Joy did.

Wendy stirs in her bed--the steel frame of the bunk jangling against the floor--and she starts untangling the braid with clumsy fingers.

“You’re up early,” Wendy yawns, checking her phone. She always wakes up before her alarm goes off at six o’clock in the morning, and also before Joohyun gets up.

Joohyun looks up, twiddling her hair tie in her hands. “Yeah,” she pauses, thinking, “I guess I slept well last night.”

Wendy stretches her arms, then climbs down the ladder. She rubs the cold off her arms while blindly searching for her slippers. Then her droopy eyes latch onto the gleaming mirror. Joohyun rarely, if not never, uses the thing.

“Since when do you spend time with your mirror?” Wendy jokingly remarks.

“I…” Joohyun sighs, her shoulders slackening. “I’m just trying out something new…”

“Oh,” mutters Wendy. “I actually have hair pins I don’t use. Try them out, they’re in my drawer.”

“W-well I don’t th--”

Wendy shakes her head. “It wouldn’t be bad if you let your hair breathe.”

“Alright,” Joohyun yields. “Thanks.” 

And Wendy’s not sure why, but she asks, “Think it’s going to rain today?”

Joohyun peers behind the curtains. The atmosphere is foggy and grey, like remnants of pre-dawn gloom, but she doesn’t think the clouds are heavy. “I don’t think so. But bring an umbrella, just in case--”

She cuts herself, remembering that she’s got to return something to Seulgi.

 

 

 

 

The pesky stares don’t get worse until lunch.

Junmyeon and Baekhyun are gawping at her like she transformed into a gigantic moth. Tao just quietly snickers on the side, stirring ice cubes in his drink with a finger.

Joohyun juts her chin out, crossing her arms, and asks,“What are you both staring at, huh?”

Junmyeon throws a side glance at Baekhyun, then gulps. He has never really seen Joohyun pull up her hair with bobby pins on a regular day, and she is even prettier. He’d stare all day if he could, and if Joohyun wouldn’t dare smack him.

Baekhyun, taking Junmyeon’s silence as being tongue-tied, answers, “Anything wrong with you?”

Then a loud, resounding “Ouch!” comes after as Joohyun kicks his leg under the table. Junmyeon flinches although he wasn’t the one who took the hit. Baekhyun hisses and reaches down, sliding a hand to and fro over his aching leg.

A few students spy their table due to the noise, but then goes back to their business immediately.

“Straight guys lose their shit over the littlest thing girls do,” Tao utters, chuckling.

“Isn’t that right, Tao? Tell them,” Joohyun says. She begins sticking the chopsticks into her plate of  _japchae_.

“Okay, alright.” Baekhyun raises his arms like he was caught red handed by authorities. “I meant to say that you are absolutely, perfectly, and undeniably gorgeous today. No kidding.”

“Is that so?” Joohyun gives him that self-satisfied, crooked smile.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun replies, then glimpses at Junmyeon. “I bet he thinks the same.”

Junmyeon murmurs something about  _gremlin_ and  _bird-brain_  before nudging Baekhyun’s chest with his elbow. He watches an unenthused Joohyun, who’s waiting for him to speak up, so he mumbles, “There’s not a day you aren’t.” He drops his gaze to his plate, bashful.

Joohyun’s expression softens. “Thank you.”

The three boys glance up at her in mild confusion—jaw slightly unhinged, eyebrows creased.

“What did you just say?” Baekhyun asks in stupefaction. He swiftly blinks thrice.

“Want me to break your kneecaps?” Joohyun fronts, but she prefers to treat her friends that way—hot and cold, and typically ironic. One step forward, then one step backward. Not a significant change.

“Of course not,” Baekhyun answers with a knowing grin on his face.

Just then, Joohyun spots Seulgi walking in the cafeteria with her bunch in tow, except Jinri isn’t in sight.  _So Krystal hasn’t broken up with her_ , Joohyun muses.Kai notices her, and annoys her with a smirk sent her way. She draws her attention back to their table.

“Anyway, why is Chanyeol not here yet?” Joohyun questions.

Tao shrugs, then sips his drink. Baekhyun just blankly stares, apparently clueless. It’s Junmyeon who grants her a reply: “He didn’t seem well in class earlier. He probably doesn’t have the appetite.”

“Really?” Joohyun is in disbelief. “He just goes without telling us anything?”

“You know him,” Junmyeon says. “He’ll come back once he’s fine.”

They finish their lunch without Chanyeol, for the first time in a while.

 

 

 

 

Pale sunshine streaming through the yellow and brown leaves of the sycamore tree dapples the ground with round blotches of light.

Jinri is thin and sallow under the canopy. Between her dry lips is a stick of cigarette. She takes it out with long fingers, and smoke billows out of her mouth.

Out of place—that’s how she puts it. She doesn’t really feel like she belongs to her clique anymore. Besides, there were much more interesting people that she has met in the clubs, and it didn’t matter if they didn’t care about her. It is impersonal and devoid of attachment. Much better. There is no need to feel hurt over getting ignored.

And to her, it sucks.  _Everything sucks_.

Just before she could have another drag, she sees a tall and lanky figure emerge. She drops the cigarette and steps on it with a shoe.

“Jinri?” Chanyeol squints, shielding his eyes from the sunlight with an arm. He walks over to her, wading through tufts of grass, leaves crunching with each step.

“Yo, Chanyeol,” Jinri casually calls over.

Chanyeol surveys the area, watching about, before he asks, “What are you doing here?”

“Hiding.”

“Hiding…?”

“From everyone,” Jinri replies. “It’s the road less traveled, a place students don’t flock to, and I am taking comfort in it.”

A gust of wind sweeps the dry bed of leaves. Their navy blue coats keep them from shivering. There’s about a few inches of skin that isn’t covered by Jinri’s skirt or knee-high socks, but she doesn’t mind.

“I gotta say you have a way with words,” Chanyeol utters. His hand is deep in his pants’ pocket, warming up the cold metal case of his lighter. He doesn’t even feel awkward with Jinri. It feels like a reunion with an old friend.

Jinri scoffs. “As if you read our school paper.”

“I do,” Chanyeol argues. Maybe it’s a half a lie, but it doesn’t matter.

“Really? You don’t strike me as the type who reads.”

“Well, I do,” he insists. “I have not gotten hold of the latest issue yet, but I’ve read some of your stuff before. I liked your short story about a caterpillar who dreams of having wings not knowing it would become a butterfly. With your words I could truly feel the insect’s desire for change as it goes through metamorphosis.”

“I’ve always dreamt about flying,” Jinri admits. “What it would feel like to soar high through the air, like you’re weightless.”

Chanyeol rubs his nose and chuckles. “Maybe you need to get your head off the clouds for a moment.”

“I’m not that silly,” Jinri laughs, hitting his arm lightly. “How about you? Is there any reason you’re out here instead of having lunch with your friends?”

“I don’t know.” He doesn’t think he has any more tears to wring out of his eyes after last night. “I just feel sad.” The letter was too vague for him, and he doesn’t really have the exact picture about what went on with Kyungsoo. He doesn’t want to think of the worst, but he’s devastated notwithstanding.

“Do you think I’ll buy that?” Jinri asks.

“Okay, fuck, I was here to smoke.” Chanyeol regards her pleadingly, and she doesn’t comment on it, like she gets it. So he exhales, “I’m also sad, and I wanted to be alone.”

“Too bad, I got here first.”

“You want me to leave?”

“No,” Jinri tells him. She tucks her hair behind her ear. “It’s been a year since we did a school project together. Time flies fast, huh? I remember you were always so tensed when we were doing the experiments, and I told you to keep your cool. And you actually did.”

Chanyeol shifts his weight to his other leg. “I have a huge crush on you. There, I said it.”

This moment had always gone differently in his head. If he ever got the chance to confess to Jinri he thought it would probably be when they’re dancing in prom, or when the first snow falls and for some reason she is with him. Grand, not mundane.

“I knew,” Jinri reveals, grinning at him.

“Shit,” Chanyeol curses. His ears are flushed, thoroughly embarrassed.

Jinri laughs again, sweetly, like chimes tinkling in the breeze. Chanyeol pulls up a half-grin, amused, and his mind takes him back to Kyungsoo. His words has truly stirred up something in him, and he wishes he’d be back in the dorm so that he could talk about  _this_ , this sliver of warmth on a bleak day.

But maybe it was too much to dream. Too much to ask.

“Let’s smoke together and talk about our woes til the bell rings, shall we?” Jinri asks.

Chanyeol sighs at the murky sky, and nods.

 

 

 

After class dismissal, Seulgi tags along with Krystal to the varsity locker rooms, holding their hands together. They both have practices for the upcoming district sports meet, and the cheerdance team have to polish their execution of the choreography with their uniforms on as well.

Seulgi is a bit nervous, to say the least. She had gone through her head oodles of times of how she’s going to say it, but she seems to be balking. Joohyun would be disappointed for sure. And it wasn’t only that, she has to gauge how much of the truth she owes Krystal.

That she’s actually friends with a person her girlfriend has a deep-seated hatred for.

It shouldn’t be hard, but her mind blanks out once she tries to confess, and Krystal has to wave a hand to snap her out of her trance.

“Well? What is it that you are going to tell me?” Krystal asks, with that tilt in her head that warns Seulgi to just back away with what she’s intending to do.

The athletes are now pouring in the hall, footfalls and chatter filling in the narrow space. Too many pairs of eyes and ears. Too many nosy people. It doesn’t pan out to be the right timing to be sending Krystal into rage, or something. Maybe later would suffice.

“Let’s eat out later,” Seulgi answers, weakly.

Krystal pecks her on the cheek. “Alright. I’ll fetch you at your locker room after I change. Let’s go to the field together too.”

“Okay,” replies Seulgi with a stiff grin.

Seulgi paces the corridor with a hand on the strap of her backpack, and the other, palm open before her. The trembling has subdued.  _I told Joohyun I’d do this_ , Seulgi thinks.  _I have to. This is the right thing._

It feels a little too ridiculous to be having a dilemma that could come across as shallow, almost trivial, but here she is, seeking approval from her girlfriend over a pal she made in a month. Trapped between Krystal’s impending wrath and breaking Joohyun’s trust. Afraid of losing someone in the process, or worse, the both of them.

 _Why do things have to be a choice_ , she ponders again.

Once she reaches the soccer team’s locker room, she forgets the dread. She puts on her jersey shirt and shorts, and exchanges banter between her teammates.

“It’s starting,” Chaeyoung Son, an eleventh grader with a mole under the left side of her mouth, remarks. She flips her locker door close.

“What’s starting?” Seulgi asks, fixing her shirt’s collar.

“The fan letters. I already got one,” Chaeyoung replies. All of them are getting it from the lockers down the hallways, because athlete’s locker rooms are actually off-limits to others.

Seulgi rests her leg on a bench and bends over to tie her cleats. “Does it annoy you?”

“Nope,” Chaeyoung puckers her lips. “But I’ve gotten really long ones and I don’t know. It’s too intimate at times. Like I think some people are actually in love with me, and I don’t know how to feel about that, you know?”

“Yeah, I get you,” Seulgi nods. “I guess they do get passionate. But we need all the good luck we can get.”

But before the other girl can continue the conversation, Moonbyul interrupts and taps Seulgi on the shoulder. “Someone’s looking for you.”

Seulgi stops dead in her tracks. There’s Joohyun, hand on the door jamb, head peeking in, cheeks pink, and eyes bright. And she has sides of her hair pulled up by sparkling pins. Seulgi thinks she is very comely with the hairstyle, and her aura is totally different. Like there’s more to Joohyun than she lets on.

Joohyun beckons the soccer captain with a tiny,  _come here_  gesture with her hand.

“What brings you here?” Seulgi asks. She looks around and the other people in the room drop their heads and pretend they’re not agog or curious.

“I’m returning this,” Joohyun says, brandishing a neat, white cotton face towel with Seulgi’s initials on it. She had it dry cleaned over the weekend.

Seulgi retrieves it from her. “Oh, right. I let you borrow this one.”

“Thank you,” Joohyun grins. “I thought you’d need it today.”

“No problem,” Seulgi answers, a bit shy. Joohyun had come all the way to the locker room to give that to her, because she thinks she can use it today. She’s actually ready, and has a towel already packed in her bag but she omits that.

“Wipe your sweat with it so you won’t stink.” Joohyun pinches the bridge of her nose.

Seulgi rubs the cloth on the underside of her jaw and jokingly tries to dab it on the other girl. Joohyun yelps and backs away, giggling. They don’t even mind the other students who’s getting disturbed.

“Don’t come close to me, you stink!” Joohyun teases, flailing her arms against attack.

But Seulgi disobeys and chases her. She clamps an arm over Joohyun’s shoulders, and says, “Really? I stink, huh? Well, how about this?” Seulgi pulls her even closer. Joohyun just squeals and scrunches her eyes, laughing. They’re so close, Joohyun can feel Seulgi’s sides.

Joohyun grabs the towel, and Seulgi reaches for it with the other arm, screaming, “Hey! You already gave it back to me!” Then Joohyun glances up at her, and dawns on a realization that Seulgi is almost wrapping herself around her. This prompts her to pause, aware of the stares, and the athlete does too. It’s like the world suddenly stopped spinning, and everyone is hushed.

Joohyun can feel Seulgi’s breath on her face, warm and odorless. She steps back from Seulgi, and turns to look around but then Krystal comes into focus, standing in her tight fit blue and white cheerleading uniform, gorgeous,  _and_  seething. A sizable crowd has gathered around behind her.

Seulgi swallows, standing motionless in her spot.

Krystal grits her teeth, trying hard to hold back her anger. She scowls, “What’s going on?”

Seulgi stammers, lips shaking, “Uh, she just—“

Joohyun lifts her lips into a wily smile, and says, “Haven’t you heard?” She places a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. “We’re friends.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kudos and comments! i love reading them, honestly!


	10. Out of control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: hint of suicide

 

Joohyun doesn’t like losing and definitely not to Krystal, above all.

To say that they aren’t playing a game at this point is outright denial. Krystal is clearly stretching this situation too long, and Joohyun would like to see how long she could hold out. She can end it all in a snap, like a sleight of a magician’s hand.

“That’s right,” Joohyun adds, with that shit-eating grin the cheerleader finds obnoxious it makes her grind her jaw. “Any problem?”

Seulgi stiffly looks at the tip of her shoes like it’s the most interesting thing at the moment. Some of her soccer teammates have stuck their heads out of the locker room door to snoop. This isn’t turning the way as she had hoped, and her last consolation is for Krystal to hear her out. That, and for the two girls to not make a fuss over this and give people a reason to gossip for days.

“I see,” Krystal answers, trying hard to swallow the vitriol at the back of her throat. It’s taking her so much to keep her cool. She can see through the shit show Joohyun is pulling, and she won’t have any of that. Joohyun can strike her down in one blow, and she wouldn’t dare ask for it.

Kai had told her wrong. Joohyun and Seulgi know each other, much deeper than she’d expected. And then everything starts making sense, like why one time Seulgi wanted to patch things up between her and Joohyun. Or why Joohyun is suddenly invested in her relationship, that she goes out of her way to make threats.

 _A tit for a tat_ , she mused. She’s staring hard at Joohyun, and it takes a few seconds before she notices something’s different about her.  _It’s the hair_ , Krystal then thinks, inspecting the pins, and the locks cascading down her shoulders. Joohyun’s growing confidence inexplicably unsettles her.

“Why would there be a problem?” Krystal asks, casual and cautious.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Joohyun scoffs, squeezing the soccer captain’s shoulder it makes her flinch. Then with a bat of the eyes, her gaze toward Krystal suddenly becomes baleful and devoid of warmth. “Aren’t you territorial over your friends?”

The spectating crowd gasps in chorus. Krystal hisses at the sound of the reaction. The students didn’t do it because it was merely a scathing comeback, but because Joohyun has said out loud what they’ve been thinking for so long but would never dare say to the cheerleader’s or any of her friends’ faces.

“Yah, Bae Joohyun.” Krystal’s tone is hard, and her lips have gone thin. “How low will you go?”

“Do you want to know?” Joohyun threatens. There’s no way Krystal can ruffle her feathers now, when she couldn’t then.

It’s not a surprise to her that the cheerleader has the audacity to pretend she isn’t at fault, and that she’s got nothing to be scared of. Seulgi would believe Krystal over her when she exposes the truth, that was much clearer to her. The tides can still turn against her if she is rash.

Seulgi couldn’t stand the bickering anymore so she steps up and upbraids, “Alright, stop it. You both. There’s no need to resort into fighting.” She is utterly disappointed with them. She wants to hide, get swallowed down by the ground.

“See, Joohyun? There’s no need to throw insults,” Krystal mocks, scooting over to her girlfriend. She links her arm with her. “No need to go  _that_ low.”

“What?” Joohyun snorts, incredulous. Krystal was twisting in anger behind her skirt just a minute ago, and now she’s trying to make her look bad.

“I have to practice,” Seulgi sighs. It won’t do them any favor to linger any longer. They were attracting more people by the second. It isn’t a good look to any of them. To Krystal she urges: “Let’s go.” To Joohyun she bids:  “See you around.”

Krystal turns toward the onlookers and yells, “What are you all looking at?”

The throng of people immediately disperses, vacating the hallway, and the locker rooms are back teeming with noise. The three of them are left standing in the middle of the corridor. Joohyun is clutching the towel tight in her hand. The couple have begun to move away from her, a sliver of light slipping through the gap between their bodies.

Joohyun takes a step forward then decides against it, so she takes the step back, turns the other way, groans, and shoves the towel in her skirt’s pocket.

 

 

 

 

“Since when?”

Seulgi discerns a hint of snarl, and maybe hurt, from Krystal’s voice. They’re at a park nearby the campus, bundled in sweater and pants, exhausted from practice. The bench they’re sitting on is wooden and painted, and the evening is bitterly cold.

“About a month ago…” begins Seulgi running her hands over the fabric of her jeans. She’s staring afar, toward the flickering yellow light of a lamp post beside a huge oak tree shedding in the wind. Her lips are dry like the heaps of red and brown leaves that fell on the ground. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you. I just—”

“But you did,” Krystal cuts in tartly. Then her line of sight moves to where Seulgi is looking, and wonders if they’re staring at the same thing. “I hate her, and yet  _you_  let her in. She almost made me look like a fool in front of many people.”

Their long standing history of rivalry isn’t unknown to their classmates. Their tenth grade tiff didn’t blow up in a tremendous magnitude, but it was enough for them to be marked at discord with each other. Some of them joked that Krystal and Joohyun can never manage to be in the same place because they radiate strong, mismatching energy, and spark would ignite as soon as they touch. They weren’t all wrong.

Seulgi props up an arm on her lap, and bends forward a little to rest her chin on the hand. She sighs, deep and thick like the night, the cold settling heavily on her back. She is lost, and she doesn’t know her place in this situation.

“I’m sorry,” she breathes, with a lace of remorse in her voice. “I lied, and I don’t want to make any more excuses.”

Krystal angles herself toward her girlfriend, a knee hitting the side of Seulgi’s thigh. “Look, I don’t want to get mad at you, because I know you are a person on your own right before you are my girlfriend… but Joohyun… I told you, she’s trouble. She’s using you to get back at me.”

To that, Seulgi leans back and glances up at Krystal. “Why would she do that?”

“Why should there be a reason?” Krystal shoots back. Seulgi’s too stubborn to understand. It’s there, she can feel the bile rising in her throat. “She’s Bae Joohyun. She picks fights just because she can. I don’t know how you still can’t see that!”

And it just rises, and rises… like a magma rushing out of a volcano vent. Burning, hot, glowing red.

“What else do you think is the reason she’s trying to get closer to you, out of the blue? There’s something else she wants from that and I don’t know what it is, but she’s out to make me miserable.” It’s her opportunity to strike hard now, and turn the tables. She grabs Seulgi’s hand and presses it gently in hers. “She came to me one time in secret… told me to break up with you… or else she would spread a nasty rumor about me. I didn’t… I didn’t know what to do… I wanted to tell you but I thought I could handle her on my own. She’s  _insane_ , a sly fox, a bully…”

Seulgi is confounded by the words she just heard. “I don’t understand… why would she…” Her mind runs through the times they were together, but not one instance did she doubt Joohyun’s intentions. It didn’t make sense. Something within the hollow of her chest tightens.

Krystal cups Seulgi’s jaw. “You’re the one thing I don’t want to lose. I’m not asking you to stop being around her but I don’t want her to use you against me. I know it’s hard for you to take it all in—“

Seulgi pulls and backs away, then buries her face in her hands. “I don’t understand,” she mutters, her voice muffled in her hands. This isn’t how she pictured things would go down. The more they talk, the more it gets worse. “I don’t know what to believe.”

Beneath the stoic guise, Krystal is exasperated. Joohyun has gained Seulgi’s trust. Joohyun has been slowly working her way into splitting them, and Krystal won’t let that happen. Krystal won’t let Joohyun win.

“I’m your girlfriend,” Krystal iterates, her hands curled into a fist on her lap. “It’s not that complicated.”

Seulgi glances up at Krystal with that sad look in her eyes. “I’m tired.”

Krystal exhales audibly, “Is this why you’ve been trying to make her look good to my face? Trying to fix our differences? God, Seulgi. She has totally spun you around, you’ve forgotten I should be the one you’re trying to please. Not her.”

“I can’t deal with this right now,” Seulgi pleads. She’s trying not to cry. “I have to focus on my game and this is not helpi—“

“You can’t even choose?!” Krystal yells. A bird squawks meters away. “Can’t even tell me that you believe in me?”

“I love you, Krystal.”

“Not until you say it like you mean it, Seulgi,” Krystal says.

 

 

 

 

They head back to the dormitory without taking in a morsel of dinner. Their argument has ruined their appetite. On the way, they didn’t spare a word to each other, trying to cool off their heads.

But before they parted, right outside on the porch of the dormitory, Krystal drags Seulgi’s arm and tells her, “I’m sorry. I was too hard on you.”

“No, I…” Seulgi argues, still upset about everything. “I just need time to process this.”

Krystal grabs her girlfriend’s head and closes the gap between them, sealing the awry night with a brief, deep kiss. Seulgi’s chapped lips is rough on hers, but Krystal moistens it with her tongue, then sucks her mouth before they break away. “Good night.”

Seulgi grins, though feebly, feeling the sting on her lips. “Good night.” 

 

 

 

 

Once Wendy arrived at the dormitory after her rehearsal, Joohyun borrowed some needle and a purple thread. When she asked why, Joohyun just told her she’s restless and bored.

“Bored?” Wendy snorts, pulling a chair to sit on. “I heard something went on with you and Krystal.”

“Word spreads real fast, huh,” Joohyun says while she narrows one of her eyes and tries to insert the thread on the needle hole. “Eh, it was nothing.”

“Some were saying you were both fighting over Seulgi.”

“Huh?” Joohyun utters, knitting her brows toward the middle, not looking up. She misses the hole and licks the end of the thread in frustration. “Over her what? Her stupid gaping face?”

Wendy laughs. “You’re annoyed.”

Joohyun presses her lips together, and finally gets the thread to pass through the other side of the needle. “They’re annoying. Krystal is annoying, but Seulgi is  _much_  more annoying.”

She’s beginning to frame it in her head. In the grand scheme of things, maybe she doesn’t matter to Seulgi after all. There was nothing she’d reap from outing a cheater, with no proof but from a word of the surly baseball captain who probably just wants to get his due after he has exploited her attachment to Seulgi. For a moment it makes her indignant on why she bothered at all.

Joohyun shakes her head, whisking the thought away.

“Tell me, how did you and Seulgi get to know each other?” Wendy asks, resting her chin on the backrest of the chair.

“I told her I am one of her fans who keep sending fan letters,” Joohyun lies, because she’s not in the mood to talk highly of Seulgi and can’t tell Wendy to back off either because that would be rude.

“Really?!” Wendy asks in shock, her mouth stretched wide open, neck disappearing behind her chin.

“And she told me I shouldn’t waste her time by letting her read such ugly and cringy messages. Then I punched her in the face and she knelt, pulled my leg and told me she wouldn’t talk shit again,” Joohyun relays, amused with herself. “That’s how we became close.”

She pulls out Seulgi’s monogrammed towel from her pocket, and starts stitching on the edge of the cloth. It’s something she has learned to do since she was ten, with her mother’s guidance.

“W-what…” Wendy mutters in sheer confusion and horror.

Joohyun looks up at her roommate, and says, “No, ugh—I was messing with you.”

Wendy lets out a big sigh. “At this point you’re just angry, and I don’t think it’s merely because of Krystal or Seulgi.”

“I don’t know… and maybe I don’t care,” Joohyun deflects, sticking the needle through the towel back and forth. “I’m taking my mind off it.”

Wendy leaves her alone for the rest of the night.

 

 

 

 

The Wednesday darts club meeting would turn sour.

Joohyun isn’t let off with yesterday’s incident by her friends. Among the boys, Baekhyun was most especially eager to know the whole story, because he knows the things he heard were just botched versions of it. But to their dissatisfaction, Joohyun snaps and grumbles, “None of your business” and sulks in a corner, stitching a towel in silence.

“Let her be, you guys,” Junmyeon says, taking a glimpse at her and back to the two other boys.

“Ah, what’s going on,” Baekhyun sighs, disgruntled. “There’s always something going on with you guys. I don’t even know what’s happening with Chanyeol. I’m so clueless.”

“I asked him yesterday after class and he said there are some things he plans to figure out before he tells us anything,” Junmyeon divulged. “Anyway, Tao, is there news with Taeyong and his ilk? Did they pay the other half of the bet they lost?”

Tao cocks his mouth to the side, and shrugs, “He told me to wait out one more week.”

“They’re broke,” Baekhyun chimes in, snapping his fingers. “I fucking knew it! Now they’re probably trying to gamble more to replenish their funds but they keep on losing. What a bunch of losers.”

“Okay, one more week then,” Junmyeon resigns. It’s not like they’re in dire need of cash anyway. But they agreed on a bet and therefore they should pay when they lose the game. “Or else I’ll screw them over.”

Baekhyun punches through the air. “Hell yeah! That’s what I’m talking about! That’s the spiri—“

Just then, the door of the club room swings inward. It’s Chanyeol on the other side of the door, shoulders slouched in helplessness. The group gasps as he sluggishly enters the room and kicks the door shut.

“Shit,” Chanyeol cusses, striking down a nearby chair with his leg. Junmyeon runs to it as it tumbles backward, and fixes it back up. Chanyeol is tugging his hair, sobbing, red in infuriation.

Joohyun gets off her chair in worry, poking the needle back to the roll of thread and wrapping it with the towel. Baekhyun dashes up to the tall guy and throws his arms around him, keeping him from doing anymore damage. Chanyeol is still wriggling in his hold, flailing his legs, trying to aim at anything.

Chanyeol stops for a moment, then sniffles, “Kyungsoo… he… he’s… dead.” He lets it sink in first, then not long his mouth quivers and he shakes. Then he bawls, out loud, his jaw hanging open, like a wailing siren. Tears run profusely down his cheeks, and his expression is filled with pain.

Having gotten no answers, he took it to himself to consult their homeroom adviser today. Mr Kim had told him he was the first student to have asked, and with a grim look on his face, he told Chanyeol that Kyungsoo has passed away two Sundays ago.

Mr Kim advised him not to spread the news, because Kyungsoo’s family had requested to hold their son’s funeral privately. It was also their son’s last wish in his note. The parents want to tell the students once they’re ready and over their grief.

The rest of them are stumped at the tiding, and so they stand there, mute, letting Chanyeol vent out to them.

“I was hoping it wasn’t… when I read his letter to me…” he cries. “I should’ve looked out for him instead of drunkenly passing out that Friday night.” He squirms again, and Baekhyun is trying hard to hold him back.

Joohyun rubs the tears from the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand. Junmyeon does, too. Tao leans against the window, ducks his head, and sighs, dejectedly.

“This shouldn’t have happened,” Chanyeol wept, sniffing up his snot. “Fuck.”

“It’s not your fault,” Baekhyun tells him through gritted teeth, straining while pulling Chanyeol’s weight. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

He doesn’t stop crying until after an hour has passed.

 

 

 

 

“Okay, guys, so what’s the  _tea_?” Rosé asks, leaning over the table at the tea room, slightly bouncy and cheerful. Across her sits Sana, Jisoo, and Joy while beside her is Tzuyu Chou, quietly nibbling a scone.

“It’s green tea,” Wendy pipes in, holding the steamy china teapot in her hands over the table. She puts it in the middle carefully, before taking the chair beside Tzuyu.

“No,” Rosé chuckles. “Haven’t you guys heard? Krystal and Joohyun got into a bit of uh… argument. I mean, we  _know_ they hate each other, but here’s the twist: Joohyun is actually chummy with Seulgi, Krystal’s girlfriend! Who knew?”

Joy and Wendy glance at each other furtively, unsurprised. Sana and Tzuyu just widen their eyes while Jisoo goes, “Does that mean anything bad?”

Rosé shrugs, “I don’t know. Some people speculated there was something going on between Joohyun and Seulgi so Krystal was a bit mad when she caught them being intimately close. But Joohyun immediately went defensive and said she and Seulgi are just gal pals, so yeah.”

“Yah…” Joy intrudes, jutting out her chin. “Joohyun and Seulgi are just friends, I swear. I can vouch for that. Krystal just loves to stir up things.”

Wendy nods, “Nobody knows exactly what it was all about, even those who were in the scene had different perspectives of it. Joohyun and Krystal are probably just never going to treat each other kindly, so it’s actually Seulgi who’ll be caught in the middle.”

“Okay,” says Rosé, pushing her palms against the edge of the table, then pressing her back against chair. “I also heard Joohyun called out Krystal for being controlling of her friends. I wish I’d been there, that gave me the chills.” Then she shudders.

“Well, speaking of…” Wendy murmurs, staring up at a figure at their doorway.

The other girls turn their heads to see, and Jinri strides inside the small room, then stops behind Joy. She bends over and wraps an arm around her shoulders, greeting everyone with, “Got some room for me?”

The girls don’t stir. Wendy gulps, wondering why someone like Jinri graced their club. None of the four people—Krystal, Jinri, Kai, and Sehun—from the most popular clique in the campus goes to less popular school clubs like theirs.

Joy smells a waft of floral perfume, and mint, like candy. She asks, “What are you doing?” 

Jinri grins, and mutters to Joy, “That’s it? No warm welcome for a newcomer?”

“Newcomer?” Joy asks, furrowing her brows, baffled.

Jinri backs from her a bit, then looks over at every girl on the table. “Spend your nice Wednesdays with me girls, alright?”

 

 

 

 

Sehun runs to the gymnasium once their recess for soccer practice came about. His shirt is drenched in sweat, and his tanned skin shines under the afternoon sun. He fetches Krystal, who he waits for three minutes before they’re let off. Being the lone guy in the area, he gets some coy glances from other cheerdancers sent his way. He shrinks at a corner.

“Seulgi’s not with you?” Krystal asks, wiping the perspiration off her nape with a towel.

“She told me she’s gonna stay at the locker room,” Sehun replies. In truth, he left on his own accord because he wanted to talk to Krystal alone. “There are some things I wanna talk about. Let’s go to the cafeteria together?”

“Alright,” Krystal says.

They purchased club sandwich and a bottle of water for each of them and sat at an unoccupied table. The cafeteria is brimming with other school athletes, hard at training for the sports meet in three days.

“I got wind of what happened yesterday,” Sehun begins, unwrapping the sandwich. It crinkles.

“Well, duh.” Krystal rolls her eyes. “No one in this school minds their own business.”

“Just… I want to come clean.” Sehun bites his snack, chews, preparing himself as Krystal waits for him to speak up some more. He swallows then says, “I knew about Joohyun and Seulgi. They… I saw Joohyun the other day, waiting for Seulgi on the bleachers. I didn’t mind it. I thought there wasn’t anything sketchy about it.”

“What?” Krystal tilts her head. “You meant to say you knew and didn’t tell me anything?!”

“How would I know?” Sehun asks, tousling his hair, lowering his eyes on the table. “Seulgi can make friends with whomever she wants to. At least that’s what I thought. I mean, logically speaking.”

Krystal unscrews the cap of her bottle, and drinks. The airconditioning inside the room has dried the moisture off her skin, but she’s still feeling a bit warm in her shirt. “It doesn’t matter now, it’s too late.”

“Tell me, is Seulgi two-timing…?” Sehun mumbles. He’s not convinced with the suggestion he created, but he wants to know it straight from Krystal. “Sorry, I’m not so sure about the exact situation, of what you and Joohyun were bickering about yesterday.”

In a blink, Krystal is shooting daggers toward him. Her gaze is icy, and steely, he feels pricked by it. “It’s not about that.”

“Then what?” Sehun is getting impatient. He’s been kept in the shadows, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

“It’s just something between Joohyun and I, nothing more. Why are you so eager to know?” She is almost mad, but it’s Sehun. He’s a good guy, and more importantly a good friend.

Sehun sighs, his chest heaves. He looks at Krystal in the eye and tells her, “I need to know because Seulgi had acted suspiciously one time. She got a scratch on her forehead but I knew it wasn’t from our practice game, so I asked her about it then she told me she fell from a slide. Tell me, why would she have to lie about it? Seulgi doesn’t… I don’t think she had to hide that, but she did.”

Krystal puts a hand on her temple, a little dizzy. “Why are you telling me this now? How could you be so—“  _useless_ , she almost said, but instead utters, “late. Seulgi… Joohyun… hah— that doesn’t make sense. It’s absurd to even suggest that.”

And if it turns out Sehun is right, she has no right to be mad. Krystal knows she has no ascendancy than Seulgi. They’re just going to be both liars. If Seulgi has been cold to her because she was seeing Joohyun… of all people.  _No, it can’t be_ , she ponders. It makes her feel uneasy, she thinks she’s going to be sick.

“Alright,” Sehun concedes, lifting his arms right-angled, palms open. Then he drops his arms to his sides. “I don’t think Seulgi could do that either. Sorry, that was an asshole move from me.”

Krystal tips the bottle of water to her mouth again. Her lips have turned pale. It’s like the more she floats to the surface of things, the more she sinks. “S-Seulgi won’t…” she stutters, crumpling a tissue in her hand, before wiping it on the side of her mouth.

Sehun hisses, shakes his head a little, then says, “Anyway, Jinri. I don’t like the way she’s been behaving when she’s with us. It’s like she’s disinterested, or sick of us. I think we need to pay attention.”

“I don’t want to push her over the edge. She’s clearly been distancing herself, and I can only let her be.” Krystal hasn’t really conversed deeply to Jinri since late last school year. It’s like one of those misunderstandings, but they don’t know what it is in exactly that wedged between their relationship. They just started bonding less, one waking day, and she has no idea why.

“Being passive isn’t a solution,” Sehun insists, rubbing his thumb and forefinger on the condensation of his water bottle. He notices Krystal hasn’t touched her sandwich, but doesn’t comment on it. “We’re her friends; we can’t let her drift away.”

“We’ll do it. Tomorrow,” Krystal agrees, persuaded by her friend’s arguments. “I think we all need to talk.”

Sehun curtly nods and answers, “It’s high time.”

 

 

 

 

The beams of afternoon sunlight flare in her vision, that Joohyun catches herself stopping once her eyes adjust and see Seulgi slipping a bill to a vending machine at the edge of the grass field.

The queue for the vending machine in the common hall is long, and the cafeteria is a building away, so Joohyun went to the nearest place possible where she can grab a drink for her and and her friends in a jiffy. Chanyeol was worn out, and so was the rest of them.

Seulgi looks up, aware of her presence, and Joohyun couldn’t run away.

It shouldn’t be difficult, but they find themselves unable to speak or meet each other in the eye. Seulgi takes her cold bottle of raspberry juice and leans on the wall beside the machine. Joohyun hesitantly moves toward the machine, conscious of the athlete hanging about.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted the way I did yesterday,” Joohyun finally says. The machine dispenses five bottles of water, and she tries to hold it all in both hands.

Seulgi gulps her drink, staring at the vast field. Her sweat-slicked skin cools under the small awning that shelters the vending machine. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You are you, and Krystal is Krystal. It was all going to happen sooner or later.”

Joohyun stays in her spot, looking at her reflection, her words bouncing off the glass front of the machine.“It shouldn’t have gone down the way it did. I should’ve stopped before I took a jab at Krystal. I was trying to embarrass her, that I didn’t realize I was embarrassing the three of us.”

To be a good friend—that was Joohyun’s promise. And if she does selfish things that could hurt Seulgi, it would be no good but a string of meaningless words.

Seulgi hums. Then silence finds its way between them again. The wind passes by in a soft hush. She’s thought over the things Krystal had said last night, and decided that the only way to know is to ask.

“Joohyun, is there anything you want out of this?” Seulgi asks. It wasn’t the right question, but it was all she could afford to give.

If it were a different day, if it were the day before yesterday, Joohyun wouldn’t mind. It wouldn’t hit hard. But today is the aftermath of yesterday, and those words are the very remnants of it. Her hands press harder on the bottles, like it’s trying hard not to let go of something rather intangible. Maybe something like resentment, or unbridled anger.

“That’s not a fair question, Seulgi,” Joohyun responds, her tone stern.

“It’s not, but I want to understand,” Seulgi says, now turning to glance at her. “Give me a chance to understand you.”

Joohyun can feel the tears pooling in her eyes. And she hates it. She hates that she’s hurt. She hates that she allowed herself for things to come to this point, where she can no longer turn back and pretend nothing happened. She hates that it crossed Seulgi’s mind to even dare ask.

“Are you really doubting me?” Joohyun’s voice almost cracks. She’s trying to blink the tears back. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter, because it seems you’ve made up your mind.”

“Joohyun, no—“

One of the bottles slides from Joohyun’s hold, and rolls to the patch of grass. She immediately leaps to her feet and crouches over to pick it up. She can hear Seulgi’s muffled footsteps approaching behind her. Joohyun is already crying by then, unable to keep her tears from trickling down, and she’s so ashamed, she can’t even properly wipe them off her cheeks because her hands are full.

The sobs doesn’t miss Seulgi’s ears, so she slows down, and gently rubs Joohyun’s shoulder.

But Joohyun shrugs her away, thrusts herself forward, running as fast as she could, away from sound of her name being called, hugging the bottles, soaking in her tears, skirt fluttering in the wind. 

Seulgi stands there, a lone silhouette against the sunlight, her gaze following Joohyun until the small of her back disappears.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw the kudos have reached a 130th mark! wow! thank u so much guys for the love!


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